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“The Road to Calydon” Episode 03/103 [TEASER] Men’s Voices: “Ah, refuge.” “Not bad-- we’re here.” “It is deserted.” Ixion [Ix]: “Hey! Where is everybody?! Come on out where we can see you!” Olyean [Oly]: “No one anywhere-- what is this place?” Broteas [Bro]: “It’s a gift from the gods. That’s what it is. Listen up, everybody! This is our reward for travelling so far and-- suffering so much. This-- is our new home.” Woman: “Look.” People: [Cheer] ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Man’s Voice: “Now, wait here-- till I check-- ” Thief: “Huh?” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Woman’s Voice: “Hel-l-l-l-p!” Man’s Voice: “Inside!” Jana: “Ixion!” Man’s Voice: “Was it something we’ve done?!” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Seer [Laughs]: “Gotcha, didn’t it?!” [Laughs] H: “Don’t sound so happy.” Seer: “Ah, can’t help it. Nights like this stir my very soul. [Laughs] This is no ordin’ry storm. This is _evil_, my friend-- the coming of doom-- the rage of almighty Hera, herself!” [Laughs] H: “You sound pretty sure about that.” Seer: “Of course, I’m sure. I see everything! [Laughs] And judging from what I see tonight-- there’s plenty of suffering on the horizon.” [Laughs] ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Woman’s Voice: “What did we do?” Bro: “Stay calm! It’ll blow over!” Jana: “Ixion, where are you going?! Don’t go out there! Ixion!” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Jana: “Ixion! Ixion! Ixion! Ixion!” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- [ACT I] Seer: “You got a name, young fella?” H: “I didn’t think I’d have to tell _you_.” Seer: “Ha-ha. Testing me, eh? Ha-ha. All right. Have it your own way-- Hercules.” H: “How did you know?” Seer: “Toldja, I see _everything_. Now, perhaps you’ll believe me when I tell you we shouldn’t be taking this road. Nothing but trouble down there.” H: “Then, why do you insist on tagging along?” Seer: “Well, personally, I have a taste for trouble. Besides, I thought I might come in useful to you because of my gift. Oh, watch your step.” H: “Don’t suppose your gift let you see that coming.” Seer: “No, travelled this way, before-- tripped over that thing many times, myself.” H: “Ooh.” Seer: “You’re taller’n I thought. Come on! I promise I’ll look out for you!” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Woman’s Voice: “-- the fire-- ” Men’s Voices: “Look out!” “There we are!” Seer: “Sum’in bad’s gonna happen here!” H: “You’re amazing, you know that?” Seer: “Thank you.” Jana: “Ixion! Ixion! Where are you?! Please come out! Ixion! Ixion?!” Talos [Tal]: “Don’t worry, Jana. I’ll help you.” Woman: “Talos?! You stay away from her!” Jana: “Ixion! Ixion?!” Seer: “What in the world’s an Ixion?!” Man’s Voice: “Over there!” Ix: “Ahhhhh! Get _away_ from me!” H [Interrupting]: “Hey, hey! Take it easy, kid! I’m not tryin’ to hurt you.” Ix: “You’re not?” H: “No-- of course not. I was just tryin’ to help that lady over there.” Jana: “Ixion-- are you all right?!” Ix: “I can take care of myself, Jana.” Jana: “What were you doing in there?” Ix: “Hiding-- from the storm demons.” [Screams] H: “It’s all right. It’s all right. He’s not a demon-- I don’t think.” Jana: “Thank you for finding him.” H: “Wait, wait. Tell me-- tell me what happened?” Jana: “Uh-- you better hear it from somebody else.” Oly: “Strangers.” H: “I just wanna know if there’s something I can do for the people here-- that’s all.” Bro: “I better go see what’s on their minds.” Jana: “Look-- I’m not the one in charge.” Bro: “Maybe-- I can help you. The name is Broteas.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Bro: “The storm isn’t gonna beat us, if that’s what you’re thinking.” H: “I admire your courage.” Bro: “Huh-- we’ve been through worse.” Woman’s Voice [Screams]: “Ohhh!” H: “I think you’re still going through it.” Bro: “We’re stubborn.” Seer: “Ha!” Bro: “And what would _you_ know about it, old man?” Seer: “This town’s _cursed_, is what I know! Ha-ha.” Bro: “Nonsense.” Seer’s Voice: “I might agree with you if it wasn’t for this-- ” Seer: “-- _brilliance_ I have for knowing the truth. Ha-ha.” Seer’s Voice: “And the truth is-- ” Seer: “-- there’s a _pox_ on this place-- ha-ha-ha-ha-- a-a scurrilous malediction!” [Laughs] H: “You’ll have to excuse him. He gets carried away sometimes.” Seer: “Fat lot you know.” [Laughs] Bro: “Are you his keeper?” H: “Me?! No, no-- he can take care of himself.” Bro: “Then, who are you?” H: “I’m Hercules.” People: “Hercules?! Hercules?” Man’s Voice: “He’s Hercules?” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Bro: “When the fighting came to Telyte, there was no time for our homes or crops-- it was leave or die.” H: “So, you’ve been wandering ever since.” Woman: “Not wandering-- looking for a home.” A Woman’s Voice: “What are we supposed to do, Hercules?” H: “I’ll think of something. But in the meantime-- you should eat. I-- don’t have much but it-- it should hold you over until tomorrow.” Man: “Thank you.” Woman: “Thank you.” A Man: “Thank you.” Bro: “Food? There’s someone who needs it more than you.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Seer: “Doom-- gloom-- ha-ha-- and despair-- I like it-- ha-ha. I guess you like it too.” [Laughs] [[[[[[Man: “A gift for you-- from Zeus.”]]]]]] Seer: [Laughs] ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Bro’s Voice: “Oh, great goddess, Hera! We, your humble servants, have gathered here to make you this sacrifice, in your name! Hear us! Accept this meager offering!” Bro: “Please reward those among us that have suffered so long-- with your mercy! We, your servants, don’t have much to offer you, but we-- !” H: “I gave your people that food to eat, not waste.” Bro: “An offering to Hera will bring us much more good fate than will full stomachs.” H: “Hera doesn’t care about anybody, except herself.” Bro: “You’re a fool if you believe that. Now, let me carry out their wishes!” H: “Is this what you want?! To see good food burned while you starve?! That’s what I thought. Now, go ahead and eat it this time! Feed your stomach-- not Hera’s fire.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Ix: “Jana! Food!” Jana: “Looks more like trouble to me.” Ix: “No, no! It’s OK! Hercules stopped the sacrifice!” Jana: “He did? Well, what about Broteas?” Ix: “Broteas?! He couldn’t do anything!” Jana: “Don’t say that. He brought us here.” Bro: “It’s nice to know you’re still on my side.” Jana: “You’ll have to excuse Ixion. His mouth runs away with him sometimes.” Bro: “He’s young and excitable. I used to be the same way.” Ix: “You were never like me!” Bro: “Ho-ho! That’s the fighting spirit that’ll get us through many troubles to come. Do you believe me?” Jana: “Yeah-- always.” Bro: “Good-- that’s all I needed to be sure of.” Jana: “Uh, do you want your bread back?” Bro: “Oh. No, it’s, uh-- it’s better that you have it.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Seer: “You’re wasting your time.” H: “Yeah, how could I forget? The town’s cursed.” Seer: “Ah, but it used to be full ’a life! _Full_ of people! Including a beautiful maiden who caught your father’s eye.” H: “Zeus fell for a maiden?! Well, there’s a big surprise.” Seer: “Yeah, ha-ha. He gave her a chalice. Ah-- forged by Hephaestus, himself! Solid gold! [Chuckles] Beautiful gift. Problem was-- Hera found out.” [Chuckles] H: “Did she kill the girl?” Seer: “Ha-ha, better! Ha-ha-- she turned her into a dog! [Laughs] And then she condemned the whole town-- every centimeter of it-- and no good has ever come to anyone who has ever lived here. [Laughs] That step-mother of yours! Ha-ha-ha! You gotta love her style!” [Laughs] ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Bro: “A curse? Huh. You expect me to believe that?” H: “Think back to the storm. Think back to the condition this town was in when you got here.” Bro: “You’re starting to sound like that crazy old man.” H: “Well, that crazy old man is right. Hera has damned this place, and you’ve only had a taste of the evil she can do. Now, get everyone packing and get them out of here.” Bro: “You’re the one who oughtta get outta here.” H: “I am trying-- to help you.” Bro: “We don’t need you help! We found a home, and it’s here!” Seer: “Maybe Hera’ll turn you all into dogs! Serve ya right, ya idiots.” Bro: “You’re outta your mind.” H: “No. Listen to him. He’s predicting your future.” Bro: “Look around. We’re on our last legs. Where d’ya expect us to go?” H: “Calydon.” People: “Calydon?” Bro: “I’ve never even heard of it!” H: “It’s a charmed city. It’s protected by Apollo. There are no curses there.” Bro: “Yeah-- probably not a city, either. Where’s this place supposed to be?” H: “Just beyond the Stymphalian swamp.” Bro: “Haven’t you heard of the winged monster that lives there? It makes sure no one gets through that swamp alive.” Seer [Laughs]: “My kind of place!” [Laughs] H: “I’ll lead you through the swamp.” Woman’s Voice: “No way.” Bro: “No. You and the old man go by yourselves. It’s too dangerous for my people. They are _not_ interested.” H: “Isn’t that _their_ decision?” Bro: “Hmm. Fine. All those who want to go to Calydon-- take your place next to Hercules. Those that wanna stay and make their home here-- stand beside me.” Woman’s Voice: “I say we cast our lot with Hercules.” Men’s Voices: “Join together.” “Come, go with us.” “All of us.” “Let’s trust Hercules.” A Woman’s Voice: “Try Hercules.” Man’s Voice: “All together-- ” Women’s Voices: “Come-- everyone-- behind Hercules.” “He can lead us.” H: “So, Broteas-- you coming with us, or not?” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- [ACT II] Seer: “Uh-oh.” H: “What now?” Seer: “Just a little trouble, is all.” H: “We’re leaving trouble behind. You can’t be seeing more already.” Seer [Chuckles]: “It’s a gift. Ha-ha.” H: “Why is it always trouble? Don’t you ever see anything that’s good?” Seer: “I’m just telling you what’s gonna happen-- something bad. Ha-- downright rotten.” [Laughs] Bro: “Hercules-- ” H: “Decided to come along after all, huh?” Bro: “Don’t do these people wrong, Hercules. I’ll be watching you.” H: “Yeah. I bet you will, Broteas.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- H: “What’s wrong?” Seer: “Nothing’s wrong. That’s the problem.” H: “Hmm-- what about all the gloom and doom you were predicting earlier?” Seer [Sighs]: “Wishful thinking. I see a clear path and sunny skies from now on.” H [Chuckling]: “That just kills you, doesn’t it?” Seer: [Sighs] H: “Losing your touch.” Man’s Voice: “Must keep going.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Tal: “Get the water skins!” Man’s Voice: “Rocks! Hercules, they’re rocks!” Woman’s Voice: “Oh, my toe!” H: “In the cave!” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Jana: “The curse can’t follow us, can it, Hercules?” H: “Only as far as the gates of Calydon. You’ll be safe once we’re inside.” Oly: “You better be right about that.” Woman: “End of the line! Trash!” Jana: “It’s not for me. It’s for Ixion.” Woman: “Well, he’s as bad as you are!” Jana: “Choke on your water.” H: “Not thirsty?” Jana: “We can drink later.” Ix: “Those hags won’t let us drink from that spring.” H: “Then drink from this one. The line starts behind Jana and Ixion.” Bro: “He just wants what they all want.” Jana: “I don’t think so, Broteas.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Old Man: “What the-- ?! Wh-wh-- ?!” Monster: “Pilgrims!” Old Man: “I-I-I sawr [sic] ‘em. Ah, yes, I sawr [sic] ‘em.” Monster: “How long?!” Old Man: “An hour-- maybe two. Uh-- n-near the Minoan caves. I-i-it’s not far. I-i-it’s not far-- ” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Man’s Voice: “It’s cooler here.” Seer [Laughs]: “More gloom and doom!” [Laughs] H: “You know, enough, already. You know, half the day, you’ve predicted two earthquakes, a line attack-- an outbreak of Allurian fever, and you’ve got three people convinced they’re pregnant.” Seer: “Well, four-- that redheaded woman-- over there.” H: “Two of them are men. The only thing you didn’t see was that rock storm.” Seer: “Ha-- nobody’s perfect!” H: “I don’t want to see this crowd beat you to a pulp-- that’s all.” Seer: “Ha. Y-- you really worried about me?” H: “No. If anyone’s gonna beat you to a pulp, I want it to be me.” Woman’s Voice: “The road is trembling!” [Screams] Men’s Voices: “What’s happening?!” “What’s that?!” Seer: “Told you so! Told you so! You should ’a listened to me, but you didn’t! You should ’a known better!” Man: “No!” H: “Hmm-- ugly-- dress funny-- smell bad. You must work for Hera.” [Fight] Jana: “Here! Take it! Don’t hurt him!” Woman’s Voice: “Run, Hercules!” Monster [Yells]: “This isn’t over! Hera won’t stop until she has what’s hers! Ah! Ah!” H: “What’s hers? Monster: “Ahhhhh!” H: “What is it?! What?!” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- [ACT III] Tal: “They vanished! Where’d they go?!” Bro: “Probably to Calydon.” H: “Nobody’s keeping you here, Broteas. All right-- I want to know everything.” Seer: “Wh-what’s the matter? Don’t you like surprises?! [Chuckles] OK! OK! [Choking] OK! Remember the chalice. It was stolen from the temple the night of the storm.” H: “Why didn’t you tell me that?!” Seer: “Huh?” Bro: “Because he’s a fool! And so are you for trusting him. [Chuckles] The mighty Hercules. Huh? You could’ve gotten us all killed by those bandits!” H: “They were more than bandits. Hera sent them.” Seer: “Yeah-- for the stolen chalice!” [Chuckles] Bro: “There are no thieves here.” Seer: “Oh, yes there are. Yes, there are! OK, which one of you _was_ it?! You can tell _me_! Huh?! Who got greedy and brought Hera’s curse with him?!” Woman: “Well, don’t look at me. I didn’t take it!” Bro: “Prove it!” Tal: “Olyean was a prisoner in the Azanean salt mines!” Oly: “It wasn’t for stealing. It was for killing!” Woman: “Hey!” Bro: “That’s enough! Stop it! You’re letting these outsiders tear us apart! Look-- what are you tryin’ to do?! These are good people!” H: “That’s why I’m trying to keep them alive.” Seer: “Huh! Good luck.” H: “Your chances of living don’t get any better by standing here.” Bro: “Yeah-- it’s about _time_ you made sense. Come on, let’s get outta here! Let’s get as far away as we can before dark!” H: “You and I are gonna talk later.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Seer: “Did you root out the _thief_, yet?” H: “You should know that. You’re the seer.” Seer: “Ahh-- that bad, huh?” H: “Yeah. I’ve got this feeling it’s Broteas.” Seer: “I thought _I_ was the one who operated on feelings.” H: “Then operate.” Seer: “You mean it? You’re ready to concede to my-- predictatory powers?” H: “That’s-- what I’m here for.” Seer: “Ah-- hm-mmm. Ahh. Ahhhh. Mm-mm-mm. Yeah-- it’s definitely Broteas-- or-- it could be Olyean. Then-- there’s always Ephedon and-- that fellow, Talos, is decidedly shifty. [Sighs] Rib for you?” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Bro: “I say it’s time to get rid of our problem.” Ephedon [Eph]: “But we need Hercules to lead us through the swamp. We can’t make it on our own.” Bro: “Oh-- he’ll lead us in. But will he lead us out?” Tal: “Well, how else do we get to Calydon and lose this curse?” Bro: “Maybe the curse isn’t ours. Maybe it’s his. Look-- the storm hit just before Hercules arrived. Then the food went bad-- rocks falling from the sky-- and then the attack today.” Oly: “Yeah-- and everyone knows how much Hera hates him.” Tal: “What do we do?” Bro: “Whose side are you on? His-- or mine?” Oly: “Yours.” Tal: “Yours.” Eph: “Yours.” Bro: “Then I’ll let you know when the time comes. Now go, before he gets suspicious.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- H: “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt.” Jana: “I was just leaving.” H: “Oh, you don’t have to-- rush off on my account.” Jana: “Are you sure? If the others see us, it might ruin your reputation.” H: “I don’t put much stock in reputations-- yours or mine.” Jana: “You mean, you don’t kill ten monsters every day?” H: “Nah. Only one or two-- small ones.” Jana: “Well-- I’m afraid my reputation’s true. That’s what happens when an orphan grows up in a brothel. It’s the only life I ever knew.” H: “Didn’t stop you from raising your-- son right.” Jana: “Oh-- Ixion’s not my son. He’s just-- like me-- no family-- no one to love him. So-- I look after him. But sometimes I feel like he’s looking after me.” H: “A little of both, I’d say.” Jana: “What do you think our chances are? I’m not worried about me, but, Ixion deserves to get to Calydon.” H: “Oh. He’ll make it. You will, too.” Jana: “Even if you don’t find the chalice?” H: “The chalice is my worry. You get some sleep. By tomorrow-- you and Ixion will be in your new home.” Jana [Gasps, then Screams]: “Let go ’a me!” Bro: “What were you doin’?!” Jana: “Nothing! I wasn’t doing anything!” Bro [Interrupting]: “You’re a liar!” Ix: “Get your hands off her!” Bro: “Get out of here!” H: “Ixion! Don’t!” Ix: “But he’s hurting Jana!” H: “No! You let me take care of it. Turn her loose.” Bro: “Let’s hear her explain what she was doing, going through my things.” Jana: “I was looking for the chalice.” H: “Did you take it?” Bro: “I’m no thief.” Jana: “Check his bag!” H: “How about it, Broteas?” Bro: “I don’t have to show you anything. But if it’ll prove my point-- . Satisfied?” Seer: “I sense trouble.” Bro: “When we reach the next shrine to Hera-- we’re gonna purify this lying, thieving, little tramp by fire.” H: “You’re not sacrificing anybody.” Bro: “You don’t decide that.” H: “As a matter of fact-- I do. Any arguments? Good. Now, try to get some sleep. You’ll need it when we cross the swamp tomorrow.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- H: “Be careful, everyone. Watch where you walk. The Stymphalian swamps are full of danger. There’s sand pits everywhere.” Woman [Screams]: “Help me! Save me! Ohhh! Ahh!” H: “You OK?” Woman: “Yes-- thank you.” H: “No harm done. Just-- watch your step, everybody.” Men’s Voices: “This way.” “Careful.” Eph: “What’s that noise? What is it?” Seer: “You don’t wanna know!” H: “Everybody! To the trees! Run! Get in here! Hurry up!” Bro: “Get your hands off!” Jana: “Ixion!” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- [ACT IV] H: “You all right?! Stay here!” Bro: “Hercules is gonna get us all killed!” Tal: “Then take us to Calydon, yourself!” Bro: “Forget Calydon! This bird’s a sign from the gods, telling us to stay away! Let’s get _out_ of here!” Eph: “It’s coming back!” Bro: “Move! Get out of my way! Move!” Men’s Voices: “Look!” “Look, Broteas has the chalice!” Bro: “You don’t understand! I did it for all of us! I-- I thought the chalice would bring us happiness.” H: “Here! Over here! Come and get me! Hey! Over here! No! I’m the one you want! Over here!” Jana’s Voice [Screams]: “Hercules, hel-l-l-p! We’re in a sinkhole!” H: “Hang on! I’ll getcha out!” Ix: “Jana! I’m scared!” Jana: “Hold tight. Don’t let go of me.” Ix: “What?” Jana: “Hercule-e-e-es! Hurry!” H: “Here! Grab hold! Hurry! I don’t know how long I can hold onto this thing!” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Man’s Voice: “Broteas has the chalice!” Woman’s Voice: “He’s got the chalice!” Tal: “You brought the curse down on us.” Man’s Voice: “It was him all along!” Tal: “People died!” Bro: “I didn’t know the chalice was cursed!” Man’s Voice: “He brought the curse on us!” Bro: “I wanted to sell it! Make enough money for us to build our own city!” Eph: “You’re lying. We’d still be in that ghost town if you had your own way. And you’d be off living like a king.” Oly: “You believe in sacrifice, don’t you, Broteas? Now, we’ll sacrifice you!” Eph: Yeah, kill him!” Different People: “Kill him! Kill him! Kill him! Kill him! Kill him! Kill him! Kill him! Kill him! Kill him!” H: “No! No sacrifices!” Oly: “But he’s a greedy pig! He deserves to die!” Man’s Voice: “Yeah.” H: “No, let him live like an idiot. It’s worse than have him dying like a dog. May I?” Bro: “What are you gonna do?!” H: “You want your chalice, Broteas? Then chase it.” Bro: “Hey! Noooooooooo! Noooooo!” Seer: “I see-- wet feet on an endless journey. He deserves it-- ha-ha. Greed’ll getcha! Greed-- ’ll getcha!” [Laughs] H: “Come on. Let’s go to Calydon.” Men’s Voices: “This way!” “Onward!” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- Seer: “How’s it look?” H: “Exactly the way it should.” Woman’s Voice: “It’s _beautiful_.” H: “How does their future look?” Seer: “Exactly the way it _should_-- no more curses.” H: “I’ll bet that breaks your heart.” Seer: “Ha-ha-ha. People are still gonna suffer! I-- see a sandstorm approaching Thrace! No-o! No! It’s not sand! I-it’s locusts!” [Laughs] H: “This is where life starts all over for you. New people-- fresh chances-- ” Jana: “I’m ready for it.” Ix: “Come on! We’ll be the first ones there!” H: “No-o-- you can, Ixion-- you and Jana. This is the end of your journey-- but it’s not the end of mine.” Jana: “Oh, I wish it was.” H: “Aw, I’m afraid I have too many places to go, still.” Seer: “Sober mates are good [?].” H: “Well, I’ll try to make them better. You take care of her. I’m counting on you.” Ix: “I won’t let you down.” Jana: “Well-- if you decide to return-- ” Woman: “Wait. Come, Jana. Let’s go to our new home.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------- H: “You should have given Calydon a chance.” Seer: “Oh-- more fun with you-- more danger! Ha-ha.” H: “Thanks for the compliment, I think.” Seer: “You’re welcome. Wait. I sense something. Something hairy-- with a tail! A-and-and breath so bad-- it can wilt flowers!” H: “Not another monster. Oh, no.” Seer: “What is it? Not another one of those fire-breathing things-- ten times worse than the swamp bird!” H: “You better have another vision. It’s the dog from Parthus.” Seer [Laughs]: “Not the one who was a woman?! [Laughs] Here, girl! Here! Here! Here! Here! Come! Come! Come! Come! Come! Ha-ha. You’re off the hook, Hercules.” H: “I know. You just got a new travelling companion.” Seer: “How’d you figure that out?” H: “Easy. She’s cursed-- and I’m not.” Seer: “Nobody’s perfect.” [Laughs] ----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------Click here to return to the HTLJ THE ROAD TO CALYDON page.
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