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“What’s In A Name?”  Episode 16/203


Priest:  “A sign from Hera.  Ah-- the sacred mandrake root.  Oh,
great Hera-- I have done your bidding.  Now, I await the
messenger-- who will bring this death-- to Hercules.”


Rena:  “This is silly.  I need to get back.”

Pallaeus [Pal]:  “Be patient, Rena-- not much further.  OK-- you
can open your eyes now.  For us-- and for all the children the
gods will give us.”

Rena:  “Pallaeus.”

Pal:  “I can-- finish it in a month-- if your stepfather doesn’t
send me off on a campaign.”

Rena:  “Pallaeus, please listen to me.  I’ve told you, I can’t
marry you.”

Pal:  “Because of Hercules.”

Rena:  “I love him.”

Pal:  “But you were promised to me.”

Rena:  “I make my own decisions.”

Pal:  “I’d be good to ya, Rena.  I’d give you everything.”

Rena:  “I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you-- but this isn’t meant to be.

Pal:  “I’ll have your hand in marriage-- and nothing the great
Hercules can do will stop me.”


Gorgas [Gor]:  “Look.”

Pal:  “How can she do this, Gorgas?  How could she care so
little about my heart and your word?”

Gor:  “I trusted you to watch over my domain-- when I waged war
in Thrace.  Ha-- I never expected to-- return home to your--
lovesick mewling.”

Pal:  “Everything is just as you left it.  You know I’d never
shirked my duty.  I wish Rena cared as much about obeying you.”

Gor:  “Calm down, Pallaeus.  She’s not a child, anymore.  The
girl has a mind of her own.”

Pal:  “You’re as taken with Hercules as she is.  All you care
about is having him as an ally.”

Gor:  “And why shouldn’t I?  Only a fool would pass up the
chance to-- march into battle with the son of Zeus at his side.”

Pal:  “But I’ve-- fought nobly for you-- killed for you-- done
everything you would ask of a soldier.”

Gor:  “There’s just one problem, Pallaeus.  You’ll never be


Rena:  “Who is it?”

Iphicles [Iph]/H’s Voice:  “Hercules.”

Rena:  “Come on in.”



I:  “It’ll be great to see your mother, again.”

H:  “It’s been a while.”


H:  [Laughs]

I:  “Come on, Hercules.  Will you stop it?  I didn’t know she
was married.”

H:  “Well, her husband knew.”

I:  “Yeah, tell me about it.  You know?  You could ’a said

H:  “I don’t know.  Those kind of battles, I always avoid.”

I:  “Did you see the way she was flirting with me?”

H:  “Uh-- yeah-- she was.  Need some help?”

Woman:  “Huh?  Oh.  Oh.  Take everything-- only don’t hurt me or
the animal.  She’s all the family I’ve got left.”

I:  “Nah-- take it easy.  We’re not bandits.”

Woman:  “Gorgas didn’t send you after me?”

H:  “Gorgas?  No-- working for a warlord isn’t our style.  Now--
why don’t we help the lady with her wagon?”

I:  “OK.”

Woman:  “It didn’t look like it a couple of minutes ago, but
this is my _second_ lucky day in a row.  Yesterday-- I sold my
most expensive pair of sandals to Hercules.  Yes, sir-- cost him
thirty dinars, but he didn’t think twice about it.  You see?
He’s gonna get married in those sandals.”

I:  “Herc, my foot!”

H:  “Oh-- sorry, Iolaus.  I-- I just hadn’t heard the news about
Hercules.  Who’s he marrying?”

Woman:  “The stepdaughter of Gorgas himself.  Too bad Hercules
isn’t here to help you two with that wagon.  Why, he’d probably
pull it out all by himself.”

H:  “You mean-- something like that.  Good day to you, Ma’am.”

I:  “Hope nothing’s broken.”

H:  “You all right?”

I:  “Yeah.  Yeah.  Yeah.  Yeah.”


Iph/H:  “Hades was worse than your foulest nightmare.  It was
pitch black-- sweltering hot-- and evil lurking around evey
corner.  So I had to find Cerberus, the three-headed dog?  And
bring him back to King Eurystheus-- without using any weapons.
No!  No!  No!  Really!”

Man’s Voice:  “The mighty Hercules!”

Iph/H:  “So-- using nothing more than my bare hands-- I choked
this biting, clawing, fire-breathing beast-- and I dragged him
outta Hades!  [Laughter]

Man’s Voice:  “Hercules!”

Iph/H:  “The thing is-- the king didn’t want this monster!  I
mean, who would?  So I had to turn around and take him back!”

Man’s Voice:  “A toast-- to Hercules!”  [Cheer]


Pal:  “Indulge me, great priest.  I desire revenge against
Hercules, for stealing the woman I love.  But no mere mortal can
overcome the son of Zeus by himself.  So it is that I seek help
from the goddess, Hera.”

Priest:  “I have been waiting for you.”


Alcmene [Alc]:  “I hoped you’d stay longer.”

H:  “I’m sorry Mother, but-- a man has to defend his name.”

Alc:  “A name is all it is, Hercules.  Whomever this imposter
is, he’ll never be the force for good that you are.”

H:  “Not if he’s taken the side of Gorgas, he won’t.”

Alc:  “When people will see what’s happening, they won’t have
anything to do with him.”

H:  “I’m afraid it’s more-- complicated than that.  When people
hear my name, they just--”

Alc:  “I know, dear.  They expect help-- good deeds-- ”

H:  “And if this fraud can’t deliver them, they-- might get

Alc:  “All right-- I guess you’ve got to go.  But all these
heroics, Hercules-- it’s not exactly the best way to start
another family.”

H:  “Now Mother, please-- don’t start with that again.”

Alc:  “Then be careful, will ya?  Stay in one piece for a
happier day.”

H:  “I will.”

I:  “Oh, I’ll make sure he does-- ’long as he can prove he’s the
_real_ Hercules.”

H:  “Goodbye, Mother.”

Alc:  “Don’t worry; he’s the real one.”


H:  “It looks like Gorgas has been busy.”

I:  “I wonder if there’s anybody left to tell us what happened.”

Man:  “Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h!  Die, you swine!”

H:  “Whoa!  Hold on, there!  Hold on!  We bring you no harm.”

Man:  “You mean, Gorgas-- hasn’t sent ya back to-- to finish me

I:  “Never met the man.”

Man:  “Ya haven’t?!  Well, be glad-- that you haven’t suffered
the taxes-- that he’s inflicted on everyone.  My daughter and
her husband _fought_ him-- but they’re now dead.”

H:  “Nice guy.  Why don’t you come with us?  We’re on our way to
Phlegra.  We’ll-- find you some help.”

Man:  “Who from?  Certainly not Hercules.  We thought he’d be
our salvation.  But even he won’t stand up to Gorgas.”

I:  “Wait a minute.  I thought this Hercules was a-- good man.”

Man:  “So did we.  But so far, he’s done nothin’ to prove it.”

H:  “We’ll tell the people in town that you’re here.”

Man [Sighs]:  “Don’t bother.  Gorgas has left me nothing to live

H:  “You know, Iolaus-- this Hercules character is _really_
starting to bother me.”


Priest:  “This comes from the mighty Hera.  Do with it as I
instruct you, and you will have your revenge.  Take it to where
Hercules is-- put it close to him.  Only then will it open--
only in the presence of Hercules.”

Pal:  “What’s in it??”

Priest:  “Death.”


Josephus [Jos]:  “Gorgas saddles us with an unfair tax-- and
slaughters those of us who resist it.  He plunders our crops and
our livestock-- and he assumes we’ll never be able to rise up
against this ceaseless campaingn of repression.”

Man’s Voice:  “Gorgas too powerful.”

Jos:  “But rise up we must.  It’s time for us to realize there
is power in numbers.  We can get weapons-- but they are no good
to us if we run at the first sight of Gorgas’ soldiers.  We must
stand together-- or we are doomed to live out our lives in

Soldier [Sold]:  “That’s all you’re good for!”

Woman’s Voice:  “They’re here.”

Sold:  “Look at them run.”

Man’s Voice:  “Hurry!”

Sold:  “I guess they didn’t believe all your fancy talk.”

Jos:  “Not now, but someday.  They will drag you through the
streets and let the dogs chew on your bones.  Uh!”

Sold:  “Watch your mouth!  Otherwise you won’t live to _see_
that day.”

H:  “Use your head.  You’re outnumbered.”

Jos:  “I don’t care!  I can take ‘em one at a time or all at
once-- however they want it!”

H:  “That’s something you don’t wanna find out.”

I:  “Yeah.  Step over here.  We need to talk.  No, no, no, no,
no, no, no.”

Sold:  “Who are you?”

H:  “Just-- someone who hates fights.”

Sold:  “Yeah?  Well, maybe you should stay out of them.”

H:  “Believe me, I try.  Because I’m-- always worried that--
someone’s gonna get hurt.”

Sold:  “Oh.  You mean, like this.”


H:  “Exactly.”

I:  “That’s my friend.  This won’t take long.  That’ll teach

Woman’s Voice:  “What strength!  Who is that?”

Man’s Voice:  “Unbelievable.”

I:  “There you go.”

Man’s Voice:  “-- killed him!”

I:  “Come on.”

Man’s Voice:  “Here we are.”

Sold’s Voice:  “Hurry!”

Jos:  “Quick-- come with me.”

H:  “Why?”

Jos:  “Well, you saved me; now, I’m gonna save you.  Hercules is

H:  “I don’t believe it.”

I:  “Do you know this guy?

H:  “Yes.  He’s my brother.”



Man’s Voice [In Background]:  “Well, my friend-- there’s nothing
I can do.”

Iph:  “It’s been a long time.”

H:  “Longer than I thought.  I understand you’ve changed your

I:  “Let’s let these two get better acquainted.  What’s your

Jos:  “Josephus.”

I:  “Josephus.  Yeah-- come on.”

Iph:  “You’re lookin’ good, Hercules.”

H:  “Hmm-- aren’tcha worried someone’ll hear you call me that.”

Iph:  “Oh, come on.  Don’t be so sensitive.  You know I’d never
do anything to dishonor your name.”

H:  “From what I hear, you already have.  You’ve joined up with
Gorgas, haven’t you?”

Iph:  “Coincidence is all.  See, I’m marrying his stepdaughter--
who-- just happens to be the-- kindest, most beautiful woman I
have _ever_ met.  So what am I supposed to do?  Tell him I don’t
like the blood on his hands.”

H:  “That’s a good place to start, then people might still
respect my name.”

Iph:  “You will never hear of Hercules doing anything to help

H:  “But will I hear that Hercules overthrew him?”

Iph:  “Look, I’m not making things any worse than they are.
Can’t you be satisfied with that?”

H:  “No-- I can’t.”

Iph:  “Oh-- I forgot.  You’re the brother who’s always right.”

H:  “When you’re being this foolish, you make it easy.”

Iph:  “You know what?  I don’t have to listen to this.”


Jos:  “What was going on back there with Hercules and that other
big guy?”

I:  “I’d rather find a nice pomegranate.”

Jos:  “You’re not gonna find one of those in Phlegra.”

I:  “OK, well-- the other big guy, as you call him-- that was
the real Hercules.”

Jos:  “Get outta here!”

I:  “Yeah.  And, uh-- the guy who’s lying to everybody, that’s
his brother, Iphicles.”

Salesman:  “The finest produce in all of Phlegra.”

Jos:  “Nah-- you’re just tryin’ to fool me.  This is a joke,

I:  “No, _this_ is a joke.  Is there nothin’ to eat in this
entire village?”

Jos:  “Gorgas takes whatever he pleases, and-- leaves us with
his leftovers.  Look, if you’re hungry, uh-- you haven’t even
told me your name.”

I:  “Iolaus.”

Jos:  “Iolaus?  Well-- come on, let’s go get sum’in’ to eat.”

I:  “OK?”


H:  “Iphicles.  Iphicles!  Fine, have it your way.  Now, listen
to me!  I’m tryin’ to make you understand how evil Gorgas is.  I
hope his dau-- what’s her name?”

Iph:  “Rena.”

H:  “Rena.  Well, I hope Rena-- is nothing like her father.”

Iph:  “Actually, she’s his stepdaughter-- and no-- they’re
nothing alike.”

H:  “Smart, too?”

Iph:  “Of course, she’s smart.”

H:  “Then how much longer do you think it’ll be before she
figures out you’ve been lying to her.”

Iph:  “I’m gonna tell her-- don’t worry.”

H:  “If you really love each other, you can tell her now.”

Iph:  “Well, the time’s not right.”

H:  “Well, maybe the time will be right when you introduce your
new wife to Mother.”

Iph:  “I haven’t seen Mother in a long time.”

H:  “I know.  Be yourself, Iphicles.  It’s a lot easier.”

Iph:  “Yeah, well, that’s easy to say if you’re Hercules.  I’m
the son of a man, not a god.  Nobody cares we came out of the
same womb.  Nobody cares that my birthright’s not the same as

H:  “Forget about that!  We are what we are because of the lives
we’ve lived, nothing else.”

Iph:  “I do no harm to anyone.  I try and help others when I
can, but-- I might as well be a grain of sand for all the good
it does me.”

H:  “Maybe you expect too much.”

Iph:  “All I want is happiness and contentment.  And I can have
that if you just leave.  Can’t you do that, Hercules?  You help
strangers all the time.  Just this once-- I’m asking you to help

H:  I’m sorry, Iphicles.  I wish you everything you want-- but
not my name.”

Iph:  “If you refuse to understand the situation-- we’re not
brothers, anymore.  We’re enemies.”


Jos:  “Lunch?”

I:  “Josephus, I can’t take any of that from you.”

Jos:  “Nonsense!  Around here, this would be considered a feast.
There’s plenty to go around.”

I:  “How long has it been like this?”

Jos:  “Almost a year.  I suppose if Hercules wasn’t in love with
Rena-- he would ’a helped us overthrow the murdering pig

I:  “Josephus-- even if Hercules _is_ marrying Rena, which he
isn’t-- you can’t stake everything on one man.  I heard what you
were saying out there, before.  You’ve got the idea-- standing
up for what you know is right.”

Jos:  “I just wish I wasn’t alone.”

I:  “You’re not-- not anymore.  Thanks.”

Sold:  “That’s one of them right there, with the rabble-rouser!
Move it!  Move it!”

I:  “Get out of here.  Finish our lecture later.”


Jos:  “I’m not afraid!”

I:  “This is not about bravery!  Just make sure Hercules gets to
hear about this!”

Jos:  “Right!  Hercules!”

I:  “Yeah!  The real Hercules!  My friend!  Get outta here!”


Rena’s Voice:  “What’s bothering you, Hercules?”

Iph/H:  “Nothing.”

Rena:  “But you’ve always been such an open book, and-- and now
it’s like-- it’s like I don’t know who you are.  What is it,

Iph/H:  “Well, it’s, um-- it’s, um-- ”

Rena:  “Whatever it is-- you know I’ll be here fore you.”

Iph/H:  “It’s sum’in’ I gotta deal with myself.  Don’t worry--
I’ll be fine.”


Gor:  “He’s the one who flattened an entire patrol.  How can you
call yourself soldiers?!”

Sold:  “It wasn’t just him.  He’s got a partner-- some big guy.”

I [Chuckles]:  “So, you’re the top dog around here.  You should
try my friend for size.”

Sold:  “Show some respect.”

Gor:  “You should take his advice.  Maybe you can start by
telling me why-- you and your friend are here.”

I:  “We came for the waters.”

Gor:  “Waters. There are no waters in Phlegra.”

I:  “Oh-- we were misinformed.”

Pal:  “You should have been that tough with his partner.”

Sold:  “We’ll track him down-- after we’ve killed this one.”

Gor:  “You’re not gonna kill anyone, soldier.  Take him to the
catacombs.  He’s the best bait we’ve got-- if we’re gonna
capture his friend and find out what they’re doing here.”

I’s Voice:  “You won’t catch my friend, and you don’t wanna see
him mad!”

Gor:  “And as for you, forget about your heartbreak, and go find
Hercules.  I got a job for him.”


Jos:  “Iolaus gave the soldiers all they could handle, but there
were just too many of them.  I’d be proud to fight at his side.”

H:  “You may get the chance to do that.  Where would they take

Jos:  “The enemies Gorgas doesn’t kill go to the catacombs
underneath his compound.  We found a remote entrance, but it
won’t be easy.”

H:  “For some reason, it never is.  Take me there.”


I:  “Hey-- what time’s dinner?”

Guard:  “Dinner?”

I:  “Yeah.  You know-- roast quail, bread-- a little wine.”

Guard:  “You want dinner, you’d better catch yourself a rat.  Of
course, you’ll have to eat it raw.”  [Laughs]

I:  “I’d rather have quail.”


Jos:  “This is where the labyrinth begins.”


2nd Guard:  “Yeah.”

H:  “You should always wear your helmets.”

Jos:  “I, uh-- don’t know how to tell you this-- but nobody
who’s gone in this way has ever made it back out.”

H:  “Don’t worry about it.  This is as far as you go.”

Jos:  “But I can go with you.  I’m not afraid.”

H:  “I know you’re not.  But you’d be more help to me in

Jos:  “But you’ll be alone in there, battling only what the gods
know what.  And what if Hercules shows up?”

H:  “He’s already here.”


H:  “Just-- once, I’d like to battle a villain who insisted on
sunshine and fresh air.  Excuse me.”



I:  “Will you pipe down?!  Hey.  Hey, you.  Hey, you!  I’m
talking to ya!”

Guard:  “What?”

I:  “You know?  I really wasn’t kidding when I said I was

Guard:  “Yeah?  Well, I wasn’t kidding about the rat.”

I:  “Ah-- great.  I’ll just-- grab a rat and eat it raw.  Who
feeds you?”


Pal:  “Wrong way, Hercules.”

Iph/H:  “What are you talkin’ about?”

Pal:  “There’s trouble in the labyrinth.  You’re supposed to
take care of it.”

Iph/H:  “Me?”

Pal:  “That’s right-- you.  The guards say the big
troublemaker’s going to rescue his partner.  Gorgas wants you to
kill him.”

Iph/H:  “Kill him?  Well, why?  What happened to his partner?”

Pal:  “He was captured after the two of them attacked a patrol.”

Iph/H:  “Oh, I, um-- I hadn’t heard.”

Pal:  “Not much for news, are you?  Let’s see how you are with
this.  [Laughs]  You’re not Hercules.”

Iph/H:  “Only a crazy man’d say that.”

Pal:  “Then kill me.  That’s what the real Hercules would do,
isn’t it?  He’d be so outraged at being called an imposter, he’d
strike me dead where I stand!”

Iph/H:  “Never.”

Pal:  “Liar.  Everything you do is a lie.”

Iph/H:  “You don’t know the first thing about the way he-- ”

Pal:  “Oh?”

Iph/H:  “I mean, ‘I,’ operate.”

Pal:  “I know all I need to know about you-- you fraud.  And
Gorgas and Rena are gonna know, too.”

Iph/H:  “They won’t believe a word of it.  They know how twisted
you are with jealousy.”

Pal:  “Well-- you’re going to find out, aren’t you?”


H:  “Whoa!  Ahh!  Whoa!  Whoa!  Ahhhhhh.”


Guards’ Voices:  “When you finish all that-- ”  “Send it this

I:  “Food.  Oh-- great-- I knew you guys wouldn’t let me

Guard:  “Down, boy-- this isn’t for you.  This is for us.”

A Guard’s Voice:  “This pheasant is magnificent!”

I:  “Pheasant?”

Guard’s Voice:  “Care for some wine?”

I:  “Wine?”

A Guard’s Voice:  “I believe I will!”

I:  “My mouth [?]  Yeah?  Well, you just go ahead and eat.  I-I
got plenty of-- rat.”

Guards’ Voices:  “I want more of it.”  “Don’t eat it all.”


H:  “Iolaus-- you better be alive.”


I:  “Oh-h-h-h.  Ahh!  OK-- what do you do?  Ya-- ya use an old
_hunter’s_ trick.  Huh?  [Laughs]  All right.  OK.  Come on.
Oh-- damn.”


Gor:  “You’re insane!”

Pal:  “This jar comes from Hera’s most trusted priest.  What’s
in it will kill Hercules.  But when I help it up to this
imposter, nothing happened.”

Gor:  “A jar that will kill Hercules?  I knew that your heart
was broken, but-- Rena’s obviously-- affected your mind, too.”

Pal:  “Gorgas, listen to me.  She’s not gonna have Hercules for
a husband, and you’re not gonna have him for a son-in-law.  Why
can’t you understand that?”

Gor:  “Because I don’t have blinders on.”

Pal:  “Yes, you do.  The intruder is Hercules, and he’s inside
these very walls.”

Gor:  “How do I know this isn’t just another one of your jealous

Pal:  “The mandrake in this jar will prove me right.  It will
kill this intruder.  And your rule-- will remain unchallenged

Gor:  “Ready the guards.  We’re goin’ after-- Hercules-- the
real-- Hercules.”


I:  “That’s it.  Now come to Papa.  Come on.  Gotcha!  Ha-ha.
Come on.  Come on, come on, come on.  [Laughs]  [Yells]  Oy!”


Soldier’s Voice [In Background]:  “Ready your weapons!”

Rena:  “Soldier-- what’s happening?”

A Sold:  “I-I-I’m under orders not to talk, Ma’am.  I’m sorry.”

Rena:  “You’ll be a lot sorrier if you don’t.  Do you know who
my stepfather is?”

A Sold:  “Yes, Ma’am-- Gorgas.”

Rena:  “Now, what’s all the excitement?”

A Sold:  “There’s an intruder in the labyrinth.  They say he’s
heading for the catacombs, to free a prisoner there, and we’re
going to stop him.”

Sold’s Voice:  “Move along, Soldier!”

A Sold:  “Ma’am, I’ve gotta go.”

Rena:  “Then go-- and thank you.”

Sold’s Voice:  “Move out!”


H:  “Who makes these things?”

Iph:  “Are you ready to die, Brother?”



H:  “Put that thing down, before you hurt somebody.”

Iph:  “All I asked you to do was leave.  But you couldn’t even
do that for your own brother.  So get on your feet.  We’re gonna
settle this for all eternity.”

H:  “Settle what?  There’s _nothing_ for us to fight about.
You’ve got your name, and I’ve got mine!  That should be _good
enough_ for both of us!”

Iph:  “Quit talkin’ and take the sword!”

H:  “Sorry-- I’ve got better things to do right now.”

Iph:  “Pick it up and fight-- or I’m gonna have to do this the
hard way, Hercules.”

Rena:  “Hercules?  Why did you call him Hercules?”

H:  “Well?  Are you gonna to tell her?”

Rena:  “Tell me what?  Come on-- I wanna know.  Why did you call
him Hercules?”

Iph:  “It’s his name.”

Rena:  “What are you saying?”

Iph:  “I lied.  I didn’t think you’d love me if I told you I was
just-- plain Iphicles, the half-brother of a hero.”

Rena:  “Is that the kind of woman you think I am, Iph-- whatever
your name is?”
Iph:  “Rena you don’t understand.  I’ve always thought the best
of you.  It was myself I wasn’t sure about.”

Rena:  “Well, I’m sure about you.  You’re the type of man I
prayed I’d never meet!”

Iph:  “Rena, come back!  Hercules, you gotta help me.”


I:  “You know?  It won’t be painful.  Just a quick-- and then--
I’m gonna start with your, uh-- legs.  A little-- nibble there,
and then I’m gonna go to the-- the-- oh, what am I doing?
Hercules?!  Wouldja hurry up and get me out of this place!
[Echoes:  “Place!  Place!  Place!  Place!  Place!  Place!
Place!]  I mean, what could be so hard?”


H:  “Rena?  Rena, would you wait?  Would you hold on a minute?!”

Rena:  “Why should I?  You’re probably just gonna lie to me the
way that-- that imposter did.”

H:  “He’s my brother.  I’ve known him a lot longer than you
have.  He would never do anything to hurt you.”

Rena:  “But how can I ever believe him again?  Everything we had
together was based on a lie.”

H:  “No-- not the love you shared.  Iphicles used my name.  I
mean, it was foolish; he knows that.  But it doesn’t mean he
cares any less for you.  I’m sure this is all-- very hard to
understand, but I’m just asking you to give him a second
chance-- to find out if you can love the man that he really is.”

Rena:  “I’m sorry-- Hercules-- but right now-- I don’t know what
to think.”


Gor:  “Well?”

Sold:  “Nothing, sir.  He’s escaped the labyrinth.”

Gor:  “Then you’re too slow!  You should have caught the
intruder by now!”

Sold:  “He’s a dead man.  You have our word.”

Gor:  “He’s Hercules.  Do I still have your word?”

Sold:  “We fear nothing, sir.”

Gor:  “Then bring me his head!”

Sold:  “Let’s go!”


Iph:  “I’m never gonna see her again, am I, Hercules?”

H [Sighs]:  “That’s-- up to the two of you, now.  I did what I
could.  I’ve-- got to go find Iolaus while he’s still in one
piece.  We could use your help.”


I:  “Herc!  About time!”

H:  “Now-- don’t-- start with me.”


I:  “You gonna get me out of here?!”

H:  “That’s the idea!”

I:  “A key’d be nice.”

H:  “So would a little help!”

I [Whispers]:  “Let’s see.”

H:  “Thanks, Brother.”

Iph:  “That’s all right!  I’d have to _fight_ these guys,

I:  “Thanks.”

Gor:  “Very impressive!  Soldiers!  Say hello to the-- real

Soldiers’ Voices:  “What?”  “Real Hercules?”  “Real Hercules?”

Gor:  “Now-- say goodbye.”

Pal:  “Behold-- the mandrake.  Hera sends her regards.”

Rena:  [Screams]

Gor:  “Get out of here, Rena!  This is not your concern!  What
are you standing there for?!  Kill them!  Think you’re man
enough?  Whoever you are?”

Iph:  “I’m Iphicles-- brother of Hercules-- and you’re about to
find out.”


Rena:  “Stop, Father!  You’ll kill him!”

H:  “Iolaus!  Lock the door!”

I:  “You’re insane!”

H:  “Just do it!”

I:  “Easy for you to say!  Finally, food!”

Gor:  “I’m gonna kill him!”

Pal:  “It’s what he deserves for lying.”

H:  “You-- are going to be annoying, aren’t you?”

I:  “Next time!  Feed me, when I ask to be fed.”

Rena:  “Let _go_ of me!”

Pal:  “Not this time.”

Iph:  “Let her go, Pallaeus.”

Pal:  “She’s mine!”

Iph:  “I’m warning you-- let her go.”

I:  “Herc!  How ya doin’?!”

H:  “That is-- a very good question.”

Pal:  “She loves me-- or no one at all.”

Iph:  “You harm her-- you’ll pay with your life.”

Pal:  “Let’s _find_ out!  Ooh!  Ahhhhh!”

H:  “Iolaus-- grab that shackle!  Why does this always have to
be so hard?”

I:  “Because-- if it was easy-- anybody could do it.”

Men’s Voices:  “In here!”  “Charge!”

H:  “Enough-- already!”

Woman’s Voice:  “Get Gorgas!”

Men’s Voices:  “Show no mercy!”  “No misjustice [?] anymore!”

Jos:  “Ahh, don’t tell me we missed everything.  What are we
gonna do with Gorgas?”

H:  “Well, that’s-- kind of an awkward question, uh-- Rena?”

Rena:  “No, it’s not.  My stepfather is an evil man and deserves
to be punished for his crimes.  I was gonna say I should have
run away long ago.  But if I’d done that-- I never would have
met Iphicles-- the love of my life.”

Iph:  “Do you mean it?”

Rena:  “With all my heart.”

Jos:  “Iphicles?  Well, that means you really are-- ”

H:  “I knew you’d-- come around.”

I:  “Great.  Now, I can get sum’in’ to eat.”


Alc:  “Hello, stranger.”

H:  “Wrong guy.  The stranger’s right behind me.”

Alc:  “Iphicles!”

Iph:  “It’s been a long time, Mother.  I hope you know how sorry
I am.”

Alc:  “Oh, shhh-- this is a time for celebrating, not
apologizing.  I’m just so glad you’re home.  And who’s this?”

Rena:  “I’m Rena.”

Iph:  “Isn’t she beautiful?  We’re gonna get married.”

Alc:  “Oh-- that’s wonderful.  Welcome to the family.”

H [Sighs]:  “Family always is-- sooner or later.”

I:  “Herc-- do you have any, uh-- bread-- or-- food of any

H [Interrupting]:  “Iolaus get in here!  You’re family, too.”


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