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TRANSCRIPTION OF YH
LURE OF THE LYRE



“The Lure of the Lyre”  Episode 19/119

[TEASER]

[Oulos [sp?]  playing in background]

Orpheus [Or]:  “Hmm?  I didn’t realize I had an audience.”

H:  “Ah-- you’re Orpheus, right?  I think I’ve seen you play at
Kora’s.”

Or:  “And you’re one of the cadets from the academy.”

H:  “Ah-- Hercules-- nice to meetcha.  And that’s a nice-sounding
oulos you got there.  You make it yourself?”

Or:  “No, it was a gift, actually-- from Bacchus.”

H:  “From Bacchus?  Who’s Bacchus?”

Or:  “You don’t know him?”

H:  “Hmm.”

Or:  “Oh, you have to meet him.  Bacchus is the god of good
times.  With Bacchus on your side, you can kiss your cares
goodbye.  Come on.  I’ll take you to him.”

H:  “Oh-oh-- I-I don’t know.  I kinda-- gotta get back to the
academy, you know?  School, so-- ”

Or:  “Come on, you can go to the academy any time.”

H:  “Uhhhhh-- I’ll see ya later, OK?”

Or:  “How often do ya get to meet one of the sons of Zeus?”

H:  “Bacchus is the son ’a Zeus?”

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Or:  “Here we are.”

H:  “Oh-ho-ho-- oh-oh.  Orpheus-- when you’re right, you’re
right.  This place is amazing.  Uh-- so-- when do I get to meet
Bacchus?”

Bacchus [Bac]:  “Right now.”  [Chuckles]

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[ACT I]

Or:  “Bacchus?  May I present Hercules?”

H:  “Hi.”

Bac:  “Hercules-- son of Zeus.”

H:  “Oh, yeah-- that’s me.”

Bac:  “Welcome to our little community.  My home-- is your home.
After all, we are family.  You see, Zeus is my father, too.”

H:  “Y-yeah, um-- have you met him?”

Bac:  “We can discuss our celestial parent, later-- but right
now-- ”

Eurydice [Eur]:  “Right now, it’s time Hercules got the grand
tour.  Wouldn’t you say, Bacchus?”

Bac:  “Thank you-- Eurydice.”

Eur:  “The pleasure is all mine.”

H:  “Oh-h-h-h.”

Eur:  “Hercules?”

Bac:  “Good work, Orpheus.”

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H:  “Hey, what’s that?  It’s beautiful.”

Eur:  “Isn’t it?  The gilded spring is said to come straight from
the center of the Earth.  Don’t.”

H:  “Why not?”

Eur:  “It’s poisonous.  But, Bacchus says that it’s so beautiful,
he can’t bear to cover it over.  Bacchus believes that--
pleasure-- and freedom-- are what all creatures should live for.
No rules-- no fears-- no regrets.  Your academy is all training--
and studying-- no fun.  Be one of us, Hercules.  Forever-ever.”

Bac:  [Laughs]

H:  “Uh-- I should get goin’.  Yeah-- uh, it’s getting kinda
late.”

Eur:  “Don’t go.  Join us, Hercules.  Be part of our family.  I
want you to.”

H:  “Thank you very much-- for showing me around.  I’ve never
seen anything like it.”

Bac:  “Please-- think of these caverns as your home away from
home.  When the pressures of life get too much, feel free to come
here-- and relax.”

H:  “Sure. Yeah.”

Bac:  “And bring your friends.”

H:  “I will.  Goodbye.  Goodbye.”

Bac [Yells]:  “We were so close.  We almost had him.”

Or:  “Uh-- we’re-- we’re-we’re sorry, Bacchus.”

Eur:  “If he comes back-- ”

Or:  “When he comes back-- ”

Bac:  “He will have his friends with him.  Then we’ll see how
hard he is to persuade.”

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I:  “Ah-- Hercules.  Where have you been?  You met a girl?  Oh!
Uh.”

H:  “Yeah.”

I:  “Really?  You met a girl and you didn’t tell me?  I’m
crushed.  I’m heartbroken.”

Lilith [Lil]:  “Yeah, well, keep your guard up-- or that’s not
all that’ll be broken-- OK?”

I:  “Oh, Herc-- come on.  Tell me.  Don’t make me hurt you.”

H:  “OK-- you two ever heard of Bacchus?”

I:  “Bacchus-- oh, yeah.  He’s a-- Cyclops-- works for Ares.”

H:  “No-- not even close.  He’s the god ’a good times.  His
cavern’s not far from here.  You know what?  You two should
really check it out.”

H’s Voice:  “What?”

H:  “What, you don’t believe me?” 

I:  “Uh, let me put it this way-- no.”

Lil’s Voice:  “Your idear [sic] of a good party?”

Lil:  “That’s to play-- ‘Pin the tail on the Centaur’.”

I’s Voice:  “Yeah, Lilith’s right, Herc.  Uh-- we do kinda want a
second opinion.”

H:  “Sssssss.  Well-- fine then.  [Ed. note-- this first part was
dubbed.  I can’t read H’s lips to figure out the original.]  You
know what?  There’s lots of good food there.”

I:  “They got good food here.  Well, they-- they have food here.”

H:  “And there’s lotsa interesting artwork.”

Lil:  “Hey-hey!  That’s what _I_ always look for in a good
party.”

H:  “There’s girls.  Hey-- where you goin’?”

I:  “You said-- girls-- right?”

H:  “Well, yeah.”

I:  “I’m there.”

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I:  “Aw, man, Jas’ll be mad he missed out on this, huh?”

H:  “Yeah, well-- that’s what he gets for going to king school,
right?”

I:  “Uh-huh.”

H:  “All right.”

Bac:  “Welcome back, Hercules.  And thank you for bringing your--
charming friends.”

Lil:  “I’ve never seen anything like this, before.”

Bac:  “Really?  Please-- let me show you around.”

I’s Voice:  “Never fails, huh?”

I:  “Chicks always dig guys with horns.”

Girl:  “May I have this dance?”

I:  “Ooh.  [Whispers]  I love you.”

H:  “Oh-- Eurydice.”

Eur:  “Hi.”

H’s Voice:  “Hi.  Uh.”

Eur:  “Come dance.”

H:  “Uh-- thanks.”

Eur:  “I’m really glad you came back.”

H:  “Oh.  Thanks.  Me, too.  There’s sum’in’ wrong.  Iolaus.  We
gotta get outta here.”

I:  “Oh.  Oh, Herc.  Come on.  For once, you were right about a
party, you know?  Come on.  Ease up, man.”

H:  “I’m telling you.  I got a funny feelin’ about this-- and we
gotta go-- now-- OK?”

I:  “OK.”

H:  “OK.”

I:  “Let’s go.”

H:  “Get Lilith.”

I:  “I’m sorry.”

H:  “Nooooooooo!”

Bac:  “Hear me, my Bacchae-- after them.  Stop them, my Bacchae!
If you don’t bring them back, you’ll all suffer!”

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Bac:  “That goes for you, too, Orpheus.  Your job is to get
humans to fill the ranks of my Bacchae.  That is the one-- and
only reason-- that you’re not a Bacchae-- yet.  Now, go!”

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H:  “They changed into wolves.  Hurry up!”

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H’s Voice:  “Open the gates!”

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Cheiron:  “What happened?”

I:  “Uh-- we just left a party that got a little too strange.”

Lil:  “Another one of Hercules’ bizarre relatives?”

I:  “Yeah, this one had horns.”

Cheiron:  “Bacchus.”

H [Whispers]:  “Yeah.”

Cheiron:  “Count yourselves lucky you escaped his cult.”

H’s Voice:  “Cult?”

Cheiron:  “The Bacchae live for the whims of their master.”

H:  “They tried to suck us into their little cult.”

Cheiron:  “Legend has it that in moments of extreme excitement,
the Bacchae transform into wolves.”

I:  “Oh, well-- that’s the last time I let you pick the party.”

H:  “Hey-- don’t worry about it, OK?  Next time I see that
two-face Orpheus, he’ll be playin’ that lyre with his toes.”

I:  “Hmm-- and so much for your new girlfriend.”

H:  “Whoa, whoa!  You OK?”

Lil:  “I f-- feel woo-woozy.”

Cheiron:  “The mark of the Bacchae.  Come sundown-- she’ll belong
to Bacchus.”

H:  “We’ll see about that.”

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[ACT II]

H:  “Doin’ some more recruiting, Orpheus?”

Or:  “Hercules-- look.  You gotta understand-- I-I-I had no
choice.”

H:  “Hey.  Save it.  All right?  I only wanna know one thing from
you.  One thing!  How do I stop Lilith from becoming-- a
Bacchae?”

Or:  “There’s no way.  She belongs to Bacchus, now.  Uh.”

H:  “That’s not what I wanted to hear.”

Or:  “Only Bacchus knows the cure.  All right.  All right.  Some
of the Bacchae remember a story-- a kind of-- riddle about--
washing your spirit clean.  Nobody knows what it means.”

H:  “Well-- we’re goin’ back there-- and you’re coming with us.”

Bac’s Voice:  “The son of Zeus will be perfect for my purpose.”

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Bac:  “With him as my lieutenant-- I can use you-- and the other
Bacchae to build an empire-- an empire-- which you and I will
share, Eurydice-- once I make Hercules join us.”

H’s Voice:  “Give it your best shot.”

Eur’s Voice:  “Orpheus”

Bac:  “Hercules.”

H:  “Here’s the deal.  You and me-- right here-- right now!  If
you win-- I’ll become a Bacchae, but if I win, you cure Lilith--
and we walk away.”

Bac:  “I have you, already.  Why should I agree to this?”

I:  “Uh, your innate sense of decency and fair play?”

Bac:  “Hmm.”

H:  “Come on-- unless you’re afraid.”

Bac [Laughs]:  “Very well, Hercules-- I could do with the
exercise.”

[Fight]

I:  “He’d better hurry up.  We’re losing the sun.”

Bac:  “What, am I?!  Alone here?!  Get him!  Grab them.”

Eur:  “We can’t let this go on.”

I:  “This was supposed to be just you and Hercules!  One-on-one!”

Bac:  “Life is full of disappointments.  Bbite him now, before
the sun sets.  What are you doing?!  Stop!  Or be destroyed!”

I:  “Eurydice?  She’s helping us?”

Eur:  “Oh, no you don’t.”

Bac:  [Yells]

H:  “The spring.  ‘Wash your spirit clean.  Wash your spirit
clean.’  It’s poisonous to you, not to us.  Lilith!”

I:  “Come on!  We gotta go!  All right, Herc.  She’s changing.
Come on.”

H [Sighs]:  “Are you OK?”

Lil:  “Yeah-- yeah, I think so.”

I:  “Uh-- we shoud-- probably get goin’-- yeah?”

H:  “Yeah.  Hey-- you comin’?  Huh?  Come on.”

Bac:  “Stop them!”

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Lil’s Voice:  “You think Bacchus will go and let them live in
peace?”

I:  “Ah, I don’t care-- just as long as they don’t come back
here, the-- crazy-- yellow-eyed, wolf-- girls.  Man, that place
was _not_ as advertised.”

Lil:  “Think about it, Iolaus.  I mean, that could’ve been me--
trapped in that cult, forever-- living my life as that monster’s
slave.”

I:  “Yeah.  Well, we should know better than to let Hercules pick
our parties-- right?”  [Chuckles]

H:  “Hmm?  Oh, yeah.  Sorry.”

I’s Voice:  “You OK?”

H:  “Yeah.”

I:  “Orpheus and Eurydice will be fine.”

H [Sighs]:  “Just great.”

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