Hope, Ms. September

Hope
Just another misunderstood chick

^[248] Ms. September was the evil spawn of a nefarious fire deity and Miss-Goody-Two-Shoes Gabrielle. It's difficult to tell which one she takes after most.

Past Calendar Appearances: Hope appeared as Ms. December in the WHOOSH 2000 Dead in the Xenaverse Calendar issue.

Trivia: She's way butcher than Eve

Unique Skill: She is death resistent

Significant Other: Ares (my, my he does get around)

Children: Chuppy, the Porcipine Boy (father: Ares)

Recurring How Many Times: Just one more time...we beg you...just one more time

WHOOSH!:
^[249] We meet again, Hope. Thanks for having Dad turn down the heat a bit.

HOPE:
^[250] My pleasure.

WHOOSH!:
^[251] We haven't seen you for a while. The Furies impersonated you, but that's not quite the same thing.

HOPE:
^[252] I thought they lacked a certain style, don't you?

WHOOSH!:
^[253] Perhaps, although they did succeed.

HOPE:
^[254] Not well enough. And it was too fast. Victims should suffer a bit, otherwise what's the point to it all? A blade in the back...so unrewarding.

WHOOSH!:
^[255] What do you think of Xena's daughter?

HOPE:
^[256] Oh, please. No style at all. Just hack, slash and drink their blood because Mommy left her all alone. What a loser. And that whining! Show some dignity. That wasn't evil, that was a tantrum.

WHOOSH!:
^[257] There are fans who think Livia was quite the villain.

HOPE:
^[258] Compared to who? That bunny who attacked Mother? Body counts aren't everything, it's how you go about it.

WHOOSH!:
^[259] She did kill a lot of people. More than her mother did.

HOPE:
^[260] As if that's an achievement. I could wipe the floor with her, assuming I'd be bothered.

WHOOSH!:
^[261] She must have been doing something right. She was known as the B*tch of Rome.

HOPE:
^[262] Brat of Rome is more like it. Look, who couldn't crucify a lot of people when you have an army? It's the subtleties that give those special touches. She's just a wanna-be. I haven't seen her do much of anything on her own.

WHOOSH!:
^[263] She fought Xena.

HOPE:
^[264] Biggie. I managed to have Xena fight Gabrielle. Now, *that's* style. And has she died yet?

WHOOSH!:
^[265] No.

HOPE:
^[266] There you go. If you haven't died, you're not important. Oh, and you have to come back, of course. I died several times.

WHOOSH!:
^[267] That's true. I know there are fans who are hoping you're planning a come-back.

HOPE:
^[268] Probably not. It's not like the good old days, when subtle mayhem actually meant something. Look at loser-boy Ares. Reduced to demanding sex. Pathetic. Alti, now there's style. A little terror, a little pain, the whole package.

WHOOSH!:
^[269] How do you think your Mother will remember you?

HOPE:
^[270] Poor Mommy. Actually, I think she misses me. Who can blame her?

Athena, Ms. October

Athena
Has a major big sister complex and has no qualms showing it

^[271] Ms. October recently had to take over the family business when the other gods of Olympius whimped out on her.

Past Calendar Appearances: First appearance!

Trivia: The only competent god in the whole pantheon. Pity Xena had to snuff her

Unique Skill: Cow tipping

Significant Other:Ilainus (deceased)

Children: None known

Recurring How Many Times: Not enough times

WHOOSH!:
^[272] I appreciate the trouble you've taken to meet with me, Athena.

ATHENA:
^[273] You're quite welcome. It's a pleasure to be able to convey my thanks to the fans.

WHOOSH!:
^[274] I hope you don't mind, but many of the fans are curious about your relationship with Ilainus.

ATHENA:
^[275] Really? Why would they be curious? I thought everyone knew that she was my companion.

WHOOSH!:
^[276] Well, yes, but Hercules and Iolaus were companions.

ATHENA:
^[277] They were sleeping together, too?

WHOOSH!:
^[278] I have no idea. The point is that Xena and Gabrielle have been described as companions.

ATHENA:
^[279] Yes, and...?

WHOOSH!:
^[280] I think you've answered my question, thanks. Now, about the twilight. Many fans were wondering how you were so easily fooled after Xena and Gabrielle staged the fake wagon crash.

ATHENA:
^[281] I've wondered myself, and I haven't been able to come up with any explanation. It was as if the moment I thought of doing something, something just happened to all of us and we didn't follow through with it. Almost as if someone was controlling our actions.

WHOOSH!:
^[282] It's been suggested that Xena and the gods were all acting in a manner that was predestined to bring about your deaths. The One God has been suggested as being responsible for that.

ATHENA:
^[283] I doubt it. Not enough power. No, whoever did it had ultimate control. What we should have done was banded together and gone after whoever it was. As it was, we all looked incredibly stupid. Hephaestus, for instance. He hardly ever came out of his mountain, and all of a sudden he's trying to kill mortals? Ridiculous.

WHOOSH!:
^[284] How do you think Gabrielle will record the passage of the twilight of the gods?

ATHENA:
^[285] I'm not sure, but if she comes up with a viable explanation for what happened, I, for one, will certainly be interested in reading it. In the meantime, Ilainus and I have time to enjoy ourselves and we're taking advantage of that. Xena, on the other hand, is stuck with that annoying spawn of hers. It seems clear to me who the ultimate winner is.

WHOOSH!:
^[286] So what's in your future?

ATHENA:
^[287] As I said, a little rest, a little relaxation. I'll be around, even if you don't see me. Not everyone has been terrorized into listening to the new guy.

WHOOSH!:
^[288] Terrorized? He's supposed to be a god of love.

ATHENA:
^[289] So is 'Dite, and she's a lot more interesting than this guy. I don't remember 'Dite, or Hades, condemning anyone to Tartarus because they hadn't been absolved, or whatever he's calling it. That's choice? I still have my fans, always have and always will.

Caesar, Julius Caesar, Co-Mr. November

Caesar, Julius Caesar
Never could get the meaning straight between sense and sensibility.

^[290] Mr. Co-November is the deceased Emperor of all He Sees. He will soon get another chance later this season when his fate collides with something big and hard.

Past Calendar Appearances: Caesar, Julius Caesar appeared as Mr. July in the WHOOSH 2000 Dead in the Xenaverse Calendar issue.

Trivia: Has an ego the size of a small planetoid

Unique Skill: Making salads

Significant Other:Unknown; Xena (in her wild pirate days and his wild prisoner of pirates days)

Children: Octavius (adopted son)

Recurring How Many Times: Just enough!

WHOOSH!:
^[291] Hail, Caesar. Good to see you again.

CAESAR, JULIUS CAESAR:
^[292] I was pleased to grant you an audience.

WHOOSH!:
^[293] You came to a somewhat ignoble end. How did you feel about that?

CAESAR, JULIUS CAESAR:
^[294] How would you feel? At least I didn't get suckered like that fool Antony, tricked just like a woman. There were rumors about him, you know.

WHOOSH!:
^[295] No, I didn't.

CAESAR, JULIUS CAESAR:
^[296] I take comfort in the fact that Rome will never be the same after my death.

WHOOSH!:
^[297] How do you feel about Xena outliving you?

CAESAR, JULIUS CAESAR:
^[298] She doesn't, not in any way that counts. More than 2000 years later, and everybody knows who Caesar was. Have they named a salad after Xena? My name is known by every school child, and my line continued. Look what Xena's falling back on.

WHOOSH!:
^[299] Well, there was Livia...Defender of Rome and all that.

CAESAR, JULIUS CAESAR:
^[300] A sadly depleted Rome. There's no challenge in crucifying helpless villagers, any fool can do it. Which explains Octavian, I suppose. Conquest, that's the key to success. Not wandering around in togas, eating grapes, and guzzling wine from the bellies of dancing girls and party boys

WHOOSH!:
^[301] You see yourself as being representative of Rome's most glorious period?

CAESAR, JULIUS CAESAR:
^[302] Of course.

WHOOSH!:
^[303] If Gabrielle writes her memoirs along with Xena's, how do you think she'll portray you?

CAESAR, JULIUS CAESAR:
^[304] She'll throw me to the lions. It won't matter that I was a military and administrative genius, all she cares about are those crucifixions. And that I slept with Xena. I heard she was pretty vicious with Brutus, the traitorous b*st*rd. He'd have been better off in Britania. He wasn't the brightest Roman in the city.

WHOOSH!:
^[305] Any last words?

CAESAR, JULIUS CAESAR:
^[306] He who laughs last, laughs best. Care for a salad? Perhaps a drink?

Eve and Livia, Co-Ms. Novembers

Eve or Livia
...you decide

^[307] Ms. Co-November is still alive and kickin' and preachin'. However, when she adopted her Eve persona, her social life suffered.

Past Calendar Appearances: First time!

Trivia:Eve was never a girl scout

Unique Skill: Makes being psychotic a virtue

Significant Other:Ares (when Livia)

Children: Unknown

Recurring How Many Times: In the name of Eli, we take the fifth!

WHOOSH!:
^[308] It seemed easier to interview you both at the same time. I hope that's acceptable.

LIVIA:
^[309] Fine by me. I don't know about whiny.

EVE:
^[310] Stop calling me that! Mother!

WHOOSH!:
^[311] Xena isn't here. Perhaps we could maintain some modicum of civility.

LIVIA:
^[312] No problem. Seen any good crucifixions lately?

EVE:
^[313] How can you talk about that so lightly? In the name of Eli, I --

LIVIA:
^[314] If you don't stop that, I'll rip out your tongue.

EVE:
^[315] How can you be so cruel?

LIVIA:
^[316] Me? In case you hadn't noticed, you *are* me.

EVE:
^[317] No! Eli wouldn't --

LIVIA:
^[318] I warned you.

WHOOSH!:
^[319] Livia, let go of Eve's tongue and put the knife away. Now, I have a few questions. Let's have some co-operation here, alright?

LIVIA:
^[320] I said I'd co-operate.

EVE:
^[321] Only because it's the peaceful thing to do.

WHOOSH!:
^[322] Fine. Good. My first question is for Livia. What was with the mass slaughter and the blood drinking?

LIVIA:
^[323] I thought of it as a sort of signature style, something that helped me stand out from all the other mass killers. And I was over-compensating for maternal abandonment during my early years, and of course, there was the insidious influence of Ares who seduced me to the dark side. And I liked it.

WHOOSH!:
^[324] All of that, or just one thing?

LIVIA:
^[325] I liked it, it was something to do.

WHOOSH!:
^[326] I see. You don't feel badly about it?

LIVIA:
^[327] Why should I? Everybody needs a hobby.

EVE:
^[328] Sinner! Repent and pray for --

LIVIA:
^[329] I warned you, you sanctimonious little...

WHOOSH!:
^[330] Eve, a question.

EVE:
^[331] I will be happy to bring the light to your darkness.

WHOOSH!:
^[332] Er, it's just a question. I'm not interested in the light at all, thanks. Eve, how does it feel to have a mother with a reputation like Xena's?

EVE:
^[333] I have prayed for guidance and the compassion to accept her. I have wished for Eli to bestow upon her and Gabrielle the gift of the true path so that they might see the error of their ways.

WHOOSH!:
^[334] And how do you see their lives if they saw the light?

EVE:
^[335] Why, spreading the word of Eli to all the non-believers. Reminding them of what happens to those who worship the false gods.

LIVIA:
^[336] Yeah, kill 'em all!

EVE:
^[337] Sinner! Repent and pray --

LIVIA:
^[338] That's it, you whiny twit! I'm gonna...

Argo, Ms. December

Argo
A horse is a horse, of course

^[339] Ms. December is a horse.

Past Calendar Appearances: First time!

Trivia: Hates glue

Unique Skill: Can identify Xena in any body!

Significant Other: Some good looking stud over that hill

Children: Unknown

Recurring How Many Times: Too many 2nd spearholder to the left episodes, but not enough to truly show off her acting chops.

Note to the gentle readers: This interview was conducted before the events that separated Argo, Xena and Gabrielle forever. May Argo's pastures always be green.

WHOOSH!:
^[340] Argo, this is a real pleasure. I'd like to say that you're one of my favorite characters. Thanks to your horse whisperer, we have a chance to talk about your time with Xena and Gabrielle.

ARGO:
^[341] It's a pleasure to be here, and I'd like to reassure the fans who have written me that I do reply to each card and letter, but it does take a while.

WHOOSH!:
^[342] I'm sure they'll be relieved to hear that. Now, of everyone in their lives, you know the private Xena and Gabrielle, the ones we fans never see.

ARGO:
^[343] Yes, that's true.

WHOOSH!:
^[344] Tell us about a typical evening.

ARGO:
^[345] Well, once Xena chooses a campsite, she unloads me. Gabrielle gets things ready for dinner, a fire gets started. Usually Xena will take me for a drink if there's a stream, and we have some time together. Then she brushes me, and they eat while I'm looking for grass. Xena sharpens her sword after dinner, and Gabrielle might write a bit. They get undressed and go to bed fairly early.

WHOOSH!:
^[346] And then?

ARGO:
^[347] Gabrielle would be sending me out to pasture in the desert if I answered that question.

WHOOSH!:
^[348] I'm sure Xena wouldn't let her do that.

ARGO:
^[349] Don't be so certain of that. If Gabrielle is upset, Xena is upset. Why, I remember once when Xena did something that made Gabrielle *really* angry. Xena...I don't think I'd better say. Gabrielle's been talking about these scrolls for a while now, and I don't want to hurt the scroll sales. I'm looking forward to a nice warm stall, lots of fresh grass and maybe a stallion or three from time to time. That takes dinars, and Xena isn't exactly employable.

WHOOSH!:
^[350] I thought she had many skills.

ARGO:
^[351] Oh, she does, believe me, but most of them aren't marketable and the ones that are, well, Gabrielle isn't about to let her use them.

WHOOSH!:
^[352] You've seen a lot of the world, travelling with them.

ARGO:
^[353] And a lot of strange boarding stables, too. I used to get pretty ticked about that. One day you're ambling along, minding your own business, and the next day you've been dumped. I had it better than that clanking guy who used to show up from time to time, though.

WHOOSH!:
^[354] Joxer?

ARGO:
^[355] Yeah, him. All that noise used to hurt my ears, and it was hard not to laugh at the expression on their faces when they heard him coming. Especially after dinner. Gabrielle never liked me that much, but she and Xena sure used to sneak off a lot and spend time with me while he stayed back at the fire.

WHOOSH!:
^[356] You laugh? Horses don't laugh.

ARGO:
^[357] I'm not just any horse, you know. After all, you're talking to me.

WHOOSH!:
^[358] Good point.

ARGO:
^[359] I've had a good life with them. Xena's been great, even if she didn't always treat me right. Gabrielle and I came to an understanding and we get along much better than we did. When we all finally settle down, Xena's promised to read all the parts about me from Gabrielle's scrolls. What more could any horse want?

Nebula

Nebula
Always a bridesmaid, never a bride

^[360] Nebula crashed this calendar

Past Calendar Appearances: Never made it into any of them including this one!

Trivia: Is real p*ss*d at not being in this calendar

Unique Skill: Always knows when we are interviewing for our Calendar issues

Significant Other: Iolaus (actually still alive). Also dated Dahak when he possessed Iolaus' body

Children: None

Recurring How Many Times: Never appeared in a Xena episode

WHOOSH!:
^[361] This is the last straw, Nebula! You are *not* on the list, you weren't even on the show! And now you're upset because you're not a fan favorite! Most of them don't even know who you are!

NEBULA:
^[362] That's not the point! I demand to be on a list, and I demand an interview!

WHOOSH!:
^[363] Go talk to the Herc fans.

NEBULA:
^[364] This is an outrage! It's discrimination, there's no other way to describe it. I would have been in the top 2! Who cares about Eve? They could have had me, but no...

WHOOSH!:
^[365] Deal with it. Like it or not, Eve is in, you are not.

NEBULA:
^[366] Gabrielle would have plenty to say about me! Nobody cares!

WHOOSH!:
^[367] Oh please, Gabrielle doesn't even know who you are.

NEBULA:
^[368] Yes, she does. She knows everybody who slept with Xena.

WHOOSH!:
^[369] Which you didn't.

NEBULA:
^[370] I would have, that should count. Look, I am not in a good mood. Herc's retired, things aren't looking good in the future, and now there's word about Xena and blondie retiring. This is my last chance!

WHOOSH!:
^[371] Then pull yourself together and show a little dignity. Geez. Let go of my leg and get up, you're embarrassing me

NEBULA:
^[372] Pleasepleaseplease, I'm available, I can show up anytime, no schedule conflicts, I promise. Just one episode so the fans can vote for me? One scene? One crummy line! A walk-on!

WHOOSH!:
^[373] It's not up to me. It's up to TPTB, and they move in truly mysterious ways. Maybe it's your fate to end in obsurity.

NEBULA:
^[374] %#^%@#$

WHOOSH!:
^[375] Alright, maybe that was a bit cruel, sorry. Anyway, why don't I try to get word to Gabrielle? Even if TPTB don't grant your wish, maybe Gabrielle could mention your name. Somewhere.

NEBULA:
^[376] That's more like it.

WHOOSH!:
^[377] Let go of my leg.

[Editor's note: The interview mysterious ends at this point. The editor has since gone AWOL.]

Biographies

Shelley Sullivan
When I'm not fly-fishing, I'm on a baseball field. When it's raining and I can't do either, I'm forced to work. Unfortunately, only one of the foregoing actually pays.
Favorite episode: DREAMWORKER (03/103), THE GREATER GOOD (21/121), THE QUEST (37/213), IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE (24/124), REMEMBER NOTHING (26/202), A NECESSARY EVIL (38/214), THE PRICE (44/220), the rift episodes, and ONE AGAINST AN ARMY (59/313).
Favorite line: Xena about the villagers: "Kill 'em all!" TIES THAT BIND (20/120)
First episode seen: SINS OF THE PAST (01/101)
Least favorite episode: FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS (40/216), ULYSSES (43/219), KING OF ASSASSINS (54/308), THE QUILL IS MIGHTIER... (56/310), KING CON (61/315), FORGET ME NOT (63/317), FINS FEMMES AND GEMS (64/318), IN SICKNESS AND IN HELL

Kym Taborn
http://whoosh.org/taborn
IAXS Executive Committee Kahuna
BA History 1980. MA Music 1984. JD Law 1991. Kym practices law and Xena in the canyons of the Santa Monica Mountains. Kym was the founder of IAXS and currently is the President for Life. Kym is 41 years old and lives to tell of it in Calabasas, CA.
Favorite episode: It is still...DREAMWORKER (03/103)!! Let's face it, it is THE ONE.
Favorite line: Gabrielle to Xena: "You're not much for girl talk, are you? Of course, you're not like most girls." PROMETHEUS (08/108)
First episode seen: CRADLE OF HOPE (04/104)
Least favorite episode: THE QUILL IS MIGHTIER... (56/310)

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