Whoosh! Check out the Xena FAQ!


By Laura Sue Dean
July 08, 1999


YOU KNOW WHAT BAFFLES LAURA SUE? That a reasonably sane (sorta) person can accept a one-way ticket to nowhere from the FBI (courtesy of their stellar witness relocation program -- Laura Sue HIGHLY recommends it), change her name, affect a different accent, alter her fingerprints, and dye her hair -- and those annoying WHOOSH people still can get that incriminating package of photos (sans negatives) to your doorstep in an unmarked envelope! So, now the WHOOSH people, lower in the feeding chain from the devious higher ups, are scrambling around like rabid weasels to explain how **I** came back! Sigh. This grrl can't win for losing, kids... looks like y'all are stuck with me. LAURA SUE IS BACK! She'll let the WHOOSH Blackma... er editorial staff scramble to come up with an explaination of where I was and why -- they can check with RenPics, apparently they wrote the book on explaining how people just keep on coming back!

LSD HOPES EVERYONE'S FOURTH OF JULY WAS HOTTER THAN A FIRECRACKER... There is nothing like Topeka in July to make one sweat... profusely. In fact, Laura Sue has just finished "freshening up" from a short visit with Momma for the holiday. (Wanna know what is weird? Try not being **not** in Kansas anymore!) Being the trooper we know Laura Sue is, she adapted and rallied 'round the flag (well, really the guy serving ice cold beer) at the Annual "Dazzling Fireworks Display". No one said much, but LSD figures the reason they moved the festivities across town this year (far away from the local tire dump) needs no explanation. Can you say, "OOOH.. AHHHHH... hey, what smells like burning skunk?"

SINCE SO MANY OF YOU BEAUTIFUL READERS OUT THERE wonder how Laura Sue's career is doing, here's a quick update: Laura Sue was absolutely *stunned* when Parker Posey got the part Laura Sue auditioned for in SCREAM III. (Parker is SO quirky, don't you think?) After the rut Mlle. Posey has been in -- dubbed the "Queen of the Independents" -- OUCH... we can be BIG and be HAPPY for her... In other (recurring) news, Laura Sue had her agent send YET ANOTHER audition tape to RenPic... s i g h.

OVER THE WINTER LSD WAS FEATURED in an off-off-off-Broadway bit part as a nanny in a French Farce... which got her thinkin'... Xena will need a nanny with that new bundle of joy! Laura Sue *really* would not mind NZ in the winter (after Kansas in the summer, well, you get my point). Plus there's all that Real Life Experience as a babysitter back home (That's important for method actors). Laura Sue was packing her bags in anticipation... But wires must have gotten crossed because I got a very polite letter back from them telling me that they were very happy with, and sticking with, the actor who was cast as Joxer. Duh!


IT CANNOT BE KILLED. According to an announcment posted by Sharon Delaney on July 2nd, XENA: WARRIOR PRINCESS will have a complete 6th season unless they, like, change their minds. That means another two years of this MADNESS. (Does this mean that we'll finally get to see k.d. lang do the Sappho episode?)

THIS JUST IN: AMAZON HIGH has been renamed CLEOPATRA 2525 and majorly retooled to the point of non-recognition! (Geeze, is this the fifth or sixth re-name/re-tool? LSD's personal fave-rave was "Buffy meets them Amazon wimmins and learns a LOT". By this re-write, "exotic dancer meets them futuristic wimmins and learns a lot" might have its merits as well). And how convenient... word on the street is, Selma "I Vant to be Alone" Blair just might be available!

HERE'S AN EXCERPT FROM A RECENT TED RAIMI ON-LINE CHAT session that brings more news of fifth-season content:

TEDFAN: "I hear there will be another musical - will jox be in it? will u sing?
TED MAN: I don't know if there is going to be another musical but I believe that there might be a completely cgi animated episode coming up but I can't confirm."

[An animated episode? You mean like an homage to The Flintstones?]

KEVIN SMITH IS LAWLESS! Click here to read a Woman's Day article about an upcoming telefeature for NZ TV in which Kev plays an undercover cop named John Lawless.

HAND CAUGHT IN THE COOKIE JAR! It seems that the magazine CULT TIMES Special #10 used WHOOSH'S cast and credits listing verbatim for their Season one to four episode guide for XENA WITHOUT ANY ATTRIBUTION OR MENTION . Usually that would not be that discernible but they reprinted errors and such WHOOSHy idiosyncracies such as the "Royal We Guy" in SACRIFICE II and our personal fav, "Low Paid Worshipper (Bret Rudnick)" in SACRIFICE I. Come on guys, if you are going to steal, at least have the brains to PARAPHRASE or at least change some of it. Sheesh.

OOPS! It seems good old Creation Entertainment has gotten religion, or something similar anyway. They posted a note to various XENA mailing lists that they will be coordinating an effort to raise funds for Starship Foundation, a children's hospital in New Zealand that Lucy Lawless has supported recently. Is this a new and exciting turn of heart from a group that has been auctioning off unique memorabilia on eBay for their own profit rather than for charitable donations (which is the honored tradition and norm for media fandom)? Only time will tell. It is, however, some VERY WEIRD MOJO that Sword and Staff, the fan run charitable organization, wasn't involved in this particular action by Creation, ESPECIALLY GIVEN THE WELL KNOWN FACT THAT Sword and Staff has had a donation drive for the baby's birth organized with fans from 9 countries since April (and pretty more AMAZING that one of the charities they chose is the very same Starship Foundation). The question is why is Creation once again working at cross purposes with the fan base? Pretty sad, particularly given the event these drives are meant to celebrate. Laura Sue thinks Sword & Staff at the very least deserves an apology from Creation.

SWORD AND STAFF also got a mention and a half at the Virtual Volunteering Projects area of the Volunteerism and Community Engagement Initiatives of the Charles A. Dana Center at the University of Texas Austin. Read all about it by clicking here. Way to go Sword and Staff. Glad to hear that things aren't keeping you down.


JUST TO PROVE I don't just scan the ACTORS WANTED page ..Weekly Variety (May 31st - June 6th) reviewed a couple of films that showed at Cannes featuring actors you might be familiar with: (yes of Course Laura Sue was there! Long live lavish journalist junkets to exotic locales)

SIAM SUNSET -- featuring Danielle Cormack. The bold Variety review is as follows:

"A fish out of water road movie set in the Australian outback isn't exactly an original concept, but actor John Polson's merrily entertaining, frequently funny and occasionally violent "Siam Sunset" is a big improvement over such recent entries in the field as "Welcome to Woop Woop" and "The Craic." [Laura Sue says that is Soooo Spot On!]

"The briskly paced, visually lush film deserves to find appreciative audiences worldwide, though it's far from being the kind of intellectually rigorous item that characterizes the Critics week section of Cannes, where it received its world preem."

IN THE MORE INVOLVED REVIEW review Danielle is listed as "....Grace...on the run after stealing a pile of cash from her drug dealing boyfriend, Martin. Thus the stage is set for Perry to be confronted with a bunch of Aussie eccentrics while finding romance with Grace and facing danger when the deranged Martin inevitably shows up." As for a review of her performance Variety only says "...Cormack (who was in "Topless Women Talk about There Lives") is spirited as the resourceful Grace."

FOR HER NEXT ACT, Dannielle teams up with Kevin Smith! Oceania Parker Ltd in association with the New Zealand Film Commission Present CHANNELLING BABY. To see some picss, click here!.

IN OTHER CANNES REVIEW NEWS: "I'll Make You Happy" - New Zealand - featuring Michael Hurst and Lucy Lawless. Only Hurst is listed in the lengthy review as a pimp who is plotting a big drug deal. Lawless is not mentioned. "Sisters Anne and Athina Tsoulis scripted and latter directed, this breezy comedy about sex workers who decide to rip off their sleazy pimp."

What a sleazy pimp daddy looks like.

The review continues: "Though international theatrical prospects are slim, there are bouncy possibilities for ancillary markets, where the chirpy outing should keep couch potatoes happy." Laura Sue went kinda "HUH?" there.

Find the chirpy bits in this poster and win a prize!


WHAT WITH THE BROADCAST of DEJA VU for a season finale, it's put us in an UBER frame of mind for the summer. And what could be more UBER than THE XENA SCROLLS? You'd have to ask Robert Mellette, author of THE XENA SCROLLS story for Season Two and erstwhile writing assistant for the XENA team for the first couple of seasons. He also wrote the Xena Scrolls on the Official Web Site way back when -- remember that, kids? But he's been a busy man since then!

LAST APRIL he published "Children of the Trees: A Guidebook for the Journey Through Your Emotional Forest". Check it out at Amazon.com! See what kinds of trees famous people are compared to. Inside sources tell me that the price of the book is about to drop to $14.95, for all you bargain hunters out there. Hmm, now if Laura Sue were a tree, what kind of tree would she be....

BUT ROBERT HAS EVEN MORE to add to his resume. You can call him film writer and director! Early last June he finished the principle shooting of his film "Jacks or Better" billed as "a darkly comic spoof of misogyny about a man who kills his wife in the kitchen so he can play poker in the living room." Laura Sue has similar feelings about her agent sometimes.

IF YOU LIKE DAVID MAMET and actors Jack Wallace (Boogie Nights, Spanish Prisoner, House of Games) and Vincent Guastaferro (Homicide [the movie], NYPD Blue), as well as Broadway's Matt Landers (Original company of Godspell, Grease, Working), Meshach Taylor (Designing Women, Dave's World) and relative newcomer Nathan Anderson (Felicity, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Babylon 5), you'll want to see this film! He'll looking for a distributor in August (can you say SHADES OF RUBBERNECKING?), after editing is complete. Oh Mr. Mellette! *waves arms dramatically* I'm ready for my closeup!


ON THE VERY SAME DAY that a prominent fan run XENA web page was requested by TPTB to remove specific information about upcoming episodes for XENA's 5th season (hey kids, can you say cease and desist?), a cast member for the show on an on-line chat mentioned essentially the same information! Several days later, a writer from the show divulged the same. Looks like the right hand doesn't know what the left hand is doing these days!

BRUCE CAMPBELL HAS CONFIRMED that JACK OF ALL TRADES was the show developed for him at RenPic but he eventually declined. Guess flying over to NZ to shoot a Herc or Xena episode every other week can really put a strain on the old energy.

EVERY ONE KNOWS you just can't beat a good Paul Sorvino/Gilbert Gottfried film, but please do not confuse it with that darn show BRUCE CAMPBELL turned down. The film, (titled confusingly enough JACK OF ALL TRADES) is in production and will feature musical performances by the one and only (THANK THE GODS) N SYNC and.. Britney Spears! (FYI Britney is one of my new best friends.. Since Shannon and Alyssa got that witch show, they never call!)

MORE BRITNEY NEWS: While gnoshing at Nathan's in Malibu, Britney (yes THAT Britney) told me that she has signed a deal with SONY SIGNATURES for exclusive worldwide licensing, tour merchandising, and e-commerce, which kicks off with the launch of her tour June 28th in Florida. Eat your hearts out Shannon and Alyssa. Britney also said I could borrow the clothes she wore at the Nick Kids Awards for the interview I am sure to get from RenPic if I can only figure out which producer or writer to stalk. With all those writers and producers coming and going, it's hard for a working girl like me.

LET'S HOPE THOSE MERPUPS HAVE HAD THEIR SHOTS! A little birdy told Laura Sue that a prominant (but not the most prominant) XENA fan fiction author got a little surprise under her table during dinner over the weekend of the 3rd Annual New York City XENA Fest. The incident was described by a witness as a "bit of a biting conversation". The author survived, much to the relief of UBERfiction fans everywhere since the chomped author was a serial writer in the middle of a story.


CHAKRAMED BY AN ANGEL! The fifth season opener, FALLEN ANGEL, purportedly features a scene with about 30 angels flying around. The opening is going to be pretty wild. Apparently RenPic tried to get William Shatner to play Zeus, and Bill said no! OUCH! XWP dissed by TJ Hooker!

DEJA VU ALL OVER AGAIN? Fans of the lingering NECKBITE from Grrls Just Wanna might have a chance to renew their voyeuristic pleasures as Xena is rumored to meet Vlad the Impaler in the 5th season. Anne Rice, eat *YOUR* heart out!

PROBABLY THE BIGGEST RUMOR OF ALL is that Missy Good might not be mentioned in this issue of NEWS! GOSSIP! RUMORS! But Laura Sue advises, Don't hold your breath, campers!



Look, can anyone help my eight year old daughter, Jordana, who is sitting, as I type, howling in tears as she believes that the crucifixion was the ultimate end for Xena and Gabrielle? She's a total die-hard, hence I'm surfing at this hour of a nasty wet and windy Belfast (Northern Ireland) night to find something to reassure her that ' they'll be baaack' so to speak! Help with whatever info you can, please!!!

--Rena (Occasional Warrior, mostly Worrier, Princess)


Hmmmm. Laura Sue don t know much, but! She can tell you this:

DEATH means NOTHING in the Xenaverse! (Xena has died twice! Well, make that three times now.) The Mehndi episodes proves that Xena and Gab are going to be together for all of Eternity My intelligence is that it will take 2-3 episodes to have our girls back in the swing, so to speak. (I believe they are only non-corporeal types in FALLEN ANGEL.) Maybe they re-materialize in CHAKRAM or SUCCESSION. However, they WILL be back!! Honest! Hugs to you and good luck.



If you HAVE any good dish, write me. Need a rumor confirmed, denied, or ambiguously tap danced around? I'm your gal! Just drop Laura Sue a line!

I can't print every letter, but I'll do my best to answer your questions... and report those late-breaking XWP stories!

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