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"Hercules and the Amazon Women"  Episode H1


Narrator:  "This-- is the story-- of a time long ago-- a time of
myth and legend-- when the Earth-- was still young.  The ancient
gods were petty-- and cruel-- and they played mankind for their
sport-- plaguing them-- with suffering-- besieging them with
terrors.  For centuries, the people had nowhere to turn-- no one
to look to for help-- until-- he arrived.  He was a man like no
other-- born of a beautiful mortal woman-- but fathered by Zeus--
king of the gods.  Hercules possessed a strength the world had
never seen-- a strength-- surpassed only by the power of his
heart.  But everywhere he went-- he was tormented by his
stepmother-- Hera-- the all-powerful queen of the gods.  Hera's
eternal obsession was to destroy Hercules-- for he was the
constant living reminder of Zeus' infidelity.  No matter the
obstacle-- as long as there were people crying for help-- there
was one man-- who would never rest-- Hercules."

Lethan [Let] [Whispers]:  "Pithus.  Let's turn back."

Pithus [Pit]:  "No.  Somebody's gotta make it through.
Somebody's gotta bring back help."

Ilus:  "But it's no use.  Think of how many men our village has
sent-- and none of them has ever made it.  I'm with Lethan.  We
should go back."

Pit:  "Back to what?  A life of fear?  A life under siege?"

Let [Whispers]:  "At least we're living."

Pit:  "No-- we're gonna make it through."

Let [Whispers]:  "What was that?"

Ilus' Voice:  "What was what?"

Let [Sighs]:  "I guess it was nothin'.  [Normal Voice]  "What are
you?!  Show yourselves!"

Pit:  "They're all around us."

Let:  [Screams]

Ilus:  "Lethan!  I think he's dead.  No!  Ah-h!  Pithus!  Pithus!

Pit:  "Come on, Ilus-- kick!  Come on-- kick!"

Ilus:  "Help!"

Pit:  "Fight it!"

Ilus:  "Help!"

Pit:  "Fight it!"

Ilus:  "Pithus!  Aw-w-w!  Aw-w-w-w, my legs!  Pithus!  Run!  Run!
Run!  Run!  Go!"



Man:  "Hey!"

Lilia [Lil]:  "Can I play?"

Boy:  "You can't."

Lil:  "Why not?"

Boy:  "'Cause it's a boy's game.  Now give us back our doll and--
go play with a doll, or something."

Woman:  "He's right, Lilia.  Now come and help me wash your
father's feet."

Boy:  "You wanted to know-- when he got here, right?  Well, he's
coming up the street right now!"

Salesman's Voice:  "One day only!  One day only!  One day only!
One day only!"

Vendor:  "Tomatoes-- sweet-- "

I:  "Yah-h-h-h-h-h!"


I:  "Whoa!  Hey, wait!  Wait!  Listen!  It's bad luck for the--
best man to kill the groom before the wedding!"

H:  "All right.  I'll wait till after the wedding."  [They

I:  "Ha-ha!  Ah, it's _good_ to see ya, Hercules.  You look

H:  "You too, Iolaus-- and congratulations."

I:  "Come on.  Come have a drink with me.  Help me celebrate."

H:  "Sorry.  I have to be out to my mother's house.  She'll be
worrying about me.  Why don't you walk with me?  We can get
caught up."

Boy:  "Hercules."


H's Voice:  "It's been a while, my friend."

I:  "I'm surprised you survived this last one without me at your

H:  "It's not the same without you."

I:  "I'm glad you could make it home, Hercules.  I hope the rest
of the world can get by without you for a week or so."

H:  "Are you kidding?  Nothing is gonna keep me from your
wedding.  You know, when I got the news-- I couldn't believe it.
Now, seeing you?  I still can't believe it."

I [Chuckles]:  "Hmmm."

H:  "You'll be giving up a lot, Iolaus.  Have you thought about

I:  "You make it sound like I'm falling off the edge of the

H:  "No, no, not at all.  I mean, who knows?  I'll probably get a
wife or two myself, someday."

I:  "Oh."

H:  "So-- who is this girl?  Is she pretty?"

I:  "Ania-- yeah, she's very pretty.  I could sit and look at her
all day."

H:  "Look at her?"

I:  "Yeah.  She's-- you know?  Beautiful."

H:  "Well, you'll eat better-- that's for sure-- once you have a
wife to cook for you."

I:  "Well actually, Ania's not that much of a cook."

H:  "How bad?"

I:  "Oh-- really bad."

H:  "Well-- at least you'll have someone to look after your
livestock.  You won't have to pay a foreman who steals you

I:  "We-e-e-el-- "

H:  "What?  She's not good with animals, either?"

I [Chuckles]:  "No, they're scared to death of her.  Ha."

H:  "So, she can't cook.  She's not good with animals.  Can she
at least sew you some better clothes?"

I:  "Nope-- can't sew a stitch.  Don't even ask what I paid for

H:  "What'd you pay for her?"

I:  "Seven cows, three goats, eleven chickens-- "

H:  "Eleven chickens!"

I [Laughs]:  "Yeah, I know.  But she's got this little mole,
right here.  It drives me crazy.  What can I tell ya?"

H:  "You can tell me what happened to the Iolaus I used to know."

I:  "Well, love happened to me, Hercules."

H:  "Ahhh."

I:  "I don't expect you to understand it.  I can hardly
understand it myself."

H:  "But are you really willing to give up your whole life-- for
a woman?"

I [Chuckles]:  "Someday, Hercules-- someday-- you're gonna meet a
woman-- unlike any other.  Then you'll know what I'm talkin'

H:  "Me?  Ha.  Never.  Iolaus-- do you hear that?  Hey, there.
What's the matter?  What are all these tears about?"

Girl:  "The monster killed my father.  We were praying to the
goddess and the monster came and ate him.  And after he ate him,
he spit out all his bones."

H:  "So, a monster did all this, huh?  Why don't you tell me
about him?"

Girl:  "He's big and ugly.  And he eats you.  And he's never
full.  He's always hungry.  No one can get by him.  I bet not
even Hercules could get by him."

H:  "Well-- Hercules has the heart of a rabbit compared to me.
Now-- where's this terrible monster?"

Girl:  "I don't want it to hear me."

H:  "Oh, that's a good idea.  See?  Monsters have excellent

I:  "Hercules.  Are you all right?  What is it?  What's it

H:  "I don't know.  But I got a feelin' it's gonna be ugly.
Don't, Iolaus.  Don't provoke it."

I:  "Hercules, what are you doing?"

H:  "Look out!"

I:  "Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h!

H:  "Come on.  Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h!  Come on.  Let's get outta here.
This thing stinks."

I:  "Yeah.  What in the hell was that?"

H:  "That's Ania, the day after you marry her."

I:  "Hey!"

H:  "Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h!  Iolaus!  Grab that torch!"

I:  "But the gods!  They'll be angry!"

H:  "Just get it!"

I:  "Whoa!  Ah-h-h-h-h!  Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!  They're after me!
Ah-h-h-h-h-h!  Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!  Ah!"

H:  "Ah-h!  Iolaus!  The torch!  Quick!  Give it to me!"

I:  "What was that?!  If ya cut off its head, the thing grows
another one!  And another one!"

H:  "Hera-- I should have known she was behind this."

I:  "Ya think so?"

H:  "I know so."

I:  "Hercules, don't do it!  Are you crazy?!  She's the queen of
the gods!"

H:  "Take a lesson, Iolaus.  She's a perfect example of what
happens when a woman-- gets too much power."


I:  "Well-- here we are, Hercules.  Some places never change,

H:  "You know, the one thing I never forget about my mother's
house is her flowers.  I always thought they smelled like her."

I:  "Yeah, yeah."  [Chuckles]


Alcmene [Alc] [Screams, then laughs]:  "Hercules!  Put me down!
Oh-h-h-h.  Oh, it's so _good_ to see you.  What happened?  You're

H:  "No."

Alc:  "Did you get in a fight?"

H:  "I'm just in the door, and you're already worrying."

Alc:  "I always worry about you, Hercules.  It's a constant
sweetache called motherhood.  Congratulations, Iolaus.  I think
marriage will be good for you."

I:  "Thank you.  I think so too."

Alc:  "Ania's sure a beautiful girl."

I:  "Yeah, she is.  And I oughtta be getting back to her.  Oh, I
almost forgot-- Ania told me to invite you both over tonight.
She-- wants to make dinner."

Alc:  "Oh-h-h-h."

H:  "Mmmm."

Alc:  "A dinner would be lovely."

I:  "Good.  Then I'll-- see you both-- tonight."

Alc:  "Uh-huh-- .  Sit down.  Let me wash your feet."

H:  "I brought something for you."

Alc:  "Oh?  What is it?"

H:  "A present.  Spices from Alturia.  I thought you might like
them for your cooking."

Alc:  "Oh-h-h, how very sweet.  So-- are you gonna tell me how
you got that cut, or not?"

H:  "I-- met a kid on the road.  She turned into a `thing'.  It
was completely unprovoked."

Alc:  "Another one of Hera's creations, no doubt."

H:  "Hmm."

Alc:  "That bitch."

H:  "I wish my father would find a way to do something about her.
Has he been around much?"

Alc:  "Who?  Zeus?"

H:  "Yeah."

Alc:  "From time to time."

H:  "Mother-- if he ever starts talking about moving in here with
you-- "

Alc:  "Hercules-- he gave me a son-- the son of a god.  I'm happy
with that.  Doesn't bother me that he was never around.  In fact,
it probably was better that way.  As long as you're sitting
still, why don't I see what I can do for that wound?"

Zeus [Z]:  "She's always saying those things.  Ha-ha.  But deep
inside-- she's still crazy about me."

H:  "I should have known you'd show up now.  Where were you when
I was battling that beast of Hera's a little while ago.  We
barely came through it."

Z:  "Aah, but you did-- and you always do."

H:  "I thought you were gonna talk to her-- you know?  Get her
off my back.  After all, she is your wife."

Z:  "I tried, but-- Hera's a woman.  And there's no changing a
woman that doesn't wanna be changed.  I've found it best to stay
out of her way and-- find my amusements-- elsewhere."

H:  "Is that what you're here for?  To give me advice about

Z:  "No-- I'm here to see how my favorite son is doing."

H:  "Well, I'm-- doing great.  Thank you for asking-- especially
now that I'm-- back home."

Z:  "I've got to tell ya.  I'm very proud of you.  You know,
you're name's become a legend.  Everywhere I go, people are
talking about you.  I have to admit, I haven't been a very good
father.  But you're-- a wonderful son.  Uh-- wh-where's your

H:  "Oh, no-- no, no.  You-- you leave her alone."

Z:  "Oh, come on.  What are you talking about?"

H:  "You know _exactly_ what I'm talking about!"

Z [Interrupts]:  "Look, I just wanna see-- "

H [Interrupts]:  "She's not one of your amusements, anymore, all

Z [Interrupts]:  "I just wanna say hello."

H [Interrupts]:  "She's my mother."

Z:  "How are you?  You-- you look-- wonderful."

Alc:  "You haven't changed, either."

Z [Chuckling]:  "Oh, come on, I'm-- "

Alc:  "Uh-- would you care to join us for a meal?"

Z:  "Um-- no, I don't think I can.  I have an appointment, and I
just came by to see how my-- my boy was doing.  He's doing fine.
And you're as-- beautiful as ever."


Pit:  "Ooh!"

2nd Man:  "Hey, there, pretty one-- why don't you stick around,
huh?"  [Laughter]  "Come on!"  [Laughter]

3rd Man:  "Too young for you, anyway."

1st Man:  "Don't worry about it."

Girl:  "Uh!"

Pit:  "Ooh.  Oh-- I'm sorry.  I-- I-- I just-- "


Ania:  "I hope they're gonna like it-- because this is one of my
_best_ recipes."

I:  "Sure it'll be great."

Ania:  "Try it."

I:  "And even if it's not, that's OK."

Ania:  "But I want them to _like_ me."

I:  "They're gonna like you.  They're gonna love you.  I know I

Ania:  "It's nice to know I'm marrying a smart man."

I:  "You forgot, `Good-looking'."

Ania:  "No, I didn't."  [Giggles]

Alc:  "What's this?  A man in the kitchen?  Go on, get out of
here.  Go on!"

I:  "All right, all right.  So, Hercules-- what do you think?"

H:  "I think there's a weird smell coming from the kitchen."

I:  "No-o-o-o-o-- about Ania-- isn't she great?"

H:  "She's very pretty.  I bet she'll give you some good-looking

Ania:  "Hercules-- I made extra for you.  I hope you're hungry."

H:  "Mmm, this is, um-- this is great."

Ania:  [Gasps]

I:  "Ania, what is it?"

Ania:  "I saw somebody looking in the window."

Pit:  "Uh!  Oh!  O-o-o-o-oh."

H:  "Who are you?"

Pit:  "I'm sorry.  My name is Pithus.  I-- I'm here to look for

H:  "I'm Hercules."

Pit:  "Thank the gods.  I searched the whole town looking for

H:  "Well, now that you found me-- "

Pit:  "It's my home-- Gargarensia.  We're under attack.  Ya have
to help us."

H:  "What kind of attack?"

Pit:  "Beasts-- ferocious beasts that live in the forest
surrounding our village.  They come in the night-- attacking us
as we sleep.  They steal our livestock, destroy our crops."

H:  "Can't your men fight them?"

Pit:  "We tried.  We sent out our best warriors and hunters--
into the woods.  They never returned."

I:  "They were all killed."

Pit:  "We're just simple men left, now-- farmers and fishermen.
The beasts-- have turned us into prisoners in our own village."

H:  "Well, how is it you were able to get out and come here?"

Pit:  "Only by the luck of the gods.  Two others left with me.
They're dead now.  [Sighs]  Please, Hercules-- they're about to
attack again, soon.  I wouldn't ask this of you, but-- well, I
don't know if my people can survive this time."

H:  "How far is it to Gargarensia?"

Pit:  "Two day's travel."

H:  "Get yourself some food and some rest.  We'll leave tomorrow
at first light."

Pit:  "Thank you, Hercules.  May the gods smile on you."

H:  "Better they-- just stay out of my life."

I:  "Sounds pretty bad.  I wonder what we're up against."

H:  "We're not up against anything.  Your adventure days are
over.  You're getting married, remember?"

I:  "That's a week away.  This'll be two days out-- kill a few
horrible beasts-- two days back."

H:  "Still, I don't think-- "

I:  "Come on.  It's our last chance together.  Best friends,
fighting back-to-back.  It'll make a great wedding present,

H [Chuckles]:  "All right.  Best friends, back-to-back."

I:  "'K."

H:  "But-- what are you gonna tell Ania?"


I:  "Well, Hercules really wants me to go.  You know, he gave me
this whole speech about `Best of friends'-- `Last time'-- all of

Ania:  "So, you don't wanna go.  It's Hercules?"

I:  "Yeah-- he practically begged me."

Alc:  "I really wish you weren't going.  I was hoping we'd have
more time this visit."

H:  "I know.  I don't expect you to understand, but-- these
people need me.  If I don't go, it could mean their lives."

Alc:  "I do understand.  Just promise me you'll be careful."

H:  "Always."

Alc:  "Oh, they look so wonderful together."

H:  "Yeah, but-- she's changed him so much."

Alc [Chuckles]:  "Someday, Hercules, you'll find a woman who'll
do the same to you."

H:  "You sound just like Iolaus."

Ania:  "I'm gonna miss you."

I:  "It's only for a few days.  Besides-- after next week, you're
gonna be stuck with me forever."

Ania:  "Well, that is, of course, unless I marry somebody else
while you're gone."

I:  "You'd do that, would you?"

Ania:  "I might."

I:  "Well, you'll be settling for second best.  You're never
gonna find anyone that loves you as much as I do."

H:  "Are we going, or are we just-- hanging around, kissing the

Ania:  "Hercules-- I'm counting on you to make sure he gets back
to marry me."

H:  "Oh, I'll have him back in plenty of time.  Don't you worry."

I:  "Bye, Ania."


Pit:  "Gargarensiar [sic] is just beyond those mountains."


I:  "Hey, Hercules-- I got a surprise for ya."

H:  "What is it?"

I:  "Ania made us some food for the road-- in case we got

I and H:  "Pithus, did you eat yet?"  [They laugh.]


Man's Voice:  "-- down by the river."

Tiber [Tib]:  "It's Pithus.  Hey, everyone!  Pithus is back!"

Pit:  "Hey, everybody-- I'm back!"

Helmet:  "By the gods-- I was sure he was dead."

Pit:  "This is Hercules!  I brought him back to save Gargarensia!
Everybody, come on out!"

A Man's Voice:  "Welcome back."

Pit:  "Come on out, everyone!  It's Hercules, everybody!  He's
come to help us!"

Men's Voices:  "That's great."  "Wonderful.  Wonderful."

Pit:  "Where's Franco?  Is Franco here?"

Franco [Fra]:  "Father!  You made it!"

Pit:  "Franco!  Oh-h-h-h!  Ha-ha-ha.  Look-- I brought Hercules
to help us."

Fra:  "Uh-- I've heard of you, Hercules.  You're the strongest
and bravest.  [Pit laughs.]  Let me be your guide.  I'll lead you
to them."

Pit:  "Franco-- I don't think so.  Now, Hercules already _has_ a

I:  "You know?  There's something missing in this town."

H:  "Pithus?  Where are the women?"

Pit:  "Well-- um-- they-- "

Hector [Hec]:  "Well, they-- "

Pit:  "They were stolen by the beasts."

Hec:  "Yeah-- years and years ago."

H:  "But he can't be more than a year old."

Pit:  "Sometimes, babies are left on the riverbank."

H:  "You mean, they're abandoned?  Whose are they?"

Pit:  "They belong to us."

H:  "But whose _were_ they?"

Pit:  "We raise them as our own."

H:  "But, where do they come from?"

Pit:  "I told you.  They're left on the riverbank."

I:  "Why do I get the feeling we're not getting the whole story?"

H:  "'Cause we're not.  Look-- have any of you ever seen the

Pit:  "Mm-hmm."

H:  "What do they look like?"

Pit:  "Well, the one I sawr [sic] looked like a wolf."

Tib:  "The one I saw had the face of a bear."

Hec:  "The one I saw [sic] looked more like a hawk."

I:  "What do you think?"

H:  "I don't know.  But I have a feeling we'll find out as soon
as we meet these creatures face-to-face."


Fra:  "Goodbye, Hercules!  Good luck!"

Men's Voices:  "Goodbye, now."  "Goodbye!"

I:  "Well, one thing's for sure.  Those men are scared out of
their minds-- every one of `em."

H:  "What about you?"

I:  "Me?  What have I gotta be scared of?"

H:  "I don't know-- whatever's out there in those woods-- "

I:  "Oh, come on.  There's nothing _anywhere_ that can frighten

H:  "Unless, of course, it's more of Ania's cooking."

I:  "Hey!"


I:  "So, Hercules-- how come, in all the years I've known you--
I've never seen you carry a weapon."

H:  "What do I need a weapon for?"

I:  "Because-- maybe, the other guy has one.  Ah-h-h-h!"

H:  "So, let him carry it."

I:  "I let you do that.  [Laughs]  So, what do you think of,
`Iolaus, Jr.'?"

H:  "`Iolaus, Jr.'?"

I:  "Yeah-- my firstborn."

H:  "Well-- what if it's a girl?"

I:  "Ah, no girls.  Ania and I agreed-- five sons."

H:  "All named `Iolaus'."

I:  "Yeah, I gotta remember `em all, don't I?"  [They laugh.]


I:  "So, where _are_ these beasts?  I hope we haven't come all
this way for nothing."

H:  "Be patient.  We'll find them soon enough."

I:  "Yeah, yeah.  Hey-- what do you think?  Some kind of

H:  "Maybe it's just the way these beasts have fun."

I:  "Over there."

H:  "Keep your eyes open, Iolaus."

I:  "They're watchin' us right now-- I can feel it."

H:  "Me, too.  Well, Iolaus-- you wanted an adventure-- "


I:  "Where'd my sword go?"

H:  "Who needs a sword?  Forget it."

I:  "Yeah, thanks."

H:  "Hold on.  Be careful, Iolaus."

I:  "No, be reckless.  `Careful' dies; `Reckless' kills.
Fantastic, aren't they?!  Ow!"

H:  "No, Iolaus!  Stay at my back!"

I:  "Hercules!  It's a woman!"

H:  "Iolaus!"

I:  "Uh!  We fought well-- you and me-- didn't we?"

H:  "You're not gonna die, Iolaus.  You can't.  We said we'd go
out together-- remember?  Back-to-back-- heroes."

I:  "I can't-- wait-- Hercules."

H:  "Iolaus-- no."

I:  "Tell Ania-- how much I wanted to be-- her husband.  Goodbye,
my friend."

Lysia [Lys]:  "No, stop.  The queen will wanna kill him."


Chilla [Chi]:  "The enemy may look insurmountable-- but he is
just flesh and blood.  Use his strength to destroy him-- to
defeat him.  His strength will be his weakness.  His pride, his
downfall.  We fight because we have to fight.  We fight for our
way of life.  The day we do not fight for who we are and what we
can be-- is the day they take it away from us, again-- as they
always have before."

Old Woman:  "Now, that's a good one, Lysia.  I'll give ya three
goats and a wagon 'a hay for him."

Lys:  "Not for sale.  This one's going to the queen."

Old Woman:  "Not the man-- the horse!"

Megara [Meg]:  "My father used to chase my mother with one of
these.  No one chases me."

Lys:  "If you're looking for men, you won't find any-- not in the
city of Amazons.  You're the only one-- and I don't think you'll
last very long."


Lys:  "I'm sure you're used to having your way with women.  I
beet they just fall at your feet, wherever you go.  Well, not
here.  Here-- you fall-- at our feet."

H:  "Uh!"

Hippolyta [Hip]:  "So-- this is the great Hercules-- come to
destroy us."

Lys:  "Wash her feet."

H:  "Mmm!"

Hip:  "You'd rather die than assume the role of a woman, wouldn't
you?  Women of Amazon-- this is Hercules-- champion of men.  He's
the best the enemy has to offer, and you've put him in chains.
Be proud of yourselves.  You don't quite know what to make of
us-- do you, champion?  You've never been defeated before--
certainly not by a band-- of women.  If you only knew how much
pleasure-- this gives me."

H:  "Pleasure is the last thing I'd give you, you murdering

Hip:  "It's not a question of you giving it-- only whether or
not-- I want to take it."

H:  "Did you take pleasure in killing Iolaus?"

Hip:  "I'm sorry about your friend, but we have every right to
defend ourselves.  After all, you came to destroy us."

H:  "That's not true."

Hip:  "Well then, what is?  You were lost?  Two lost lambs,
wandering in the woods?"

H:  "We were sent by the men across the river."

Hip:  "And they sent you to destroy us?"

H:  "They sent us to destroy a beast.  We didn't know the beast
was you."

Hip:  "Ah-h-h-h-- they told you we were beasts?  [Sighs]  Still
so stuffed with male pride, they had to lie to you."

H:  "From what I've seen--  it wasn't a lie."

Hip:  "We're not beasts, Hercules.  We are women."

H:  "Hardly."

Hip:  "Just because-- we're not the kind of women-- you would
like us to be.  Make no mistake-- these-- are women-- women who
will not be controlled by men-- not beaten down, not-- bought and
sold like oxen.  Men will never dominate these women."

H:  "We don't dominate you; we protect you."

Hip [Chortles]:  "Oh, I see [Mockingly]-- you protect us!"

H:  "Because you're weaker."

Hip:  "Am I?  I don't think so."

H:  "You've got an advantage-- at the moment."

Hip:  "Yes, I-- suppose I do.  What are you looking at, Hercules?
Do you find me attractive?  My legs-- my breasts-- my lips?  Your
friend is dead-- I've got you in chains.  You hate me.  And yet,
you still desire me.  You're pathetic.  There's no point in
talking to you anymore.  You'll never understand what makes a

H:  "You'll never understand what makes a man.  You don't know
anything about me."

Hip:  "Oh, but I do."

Lys:  "Come."

Hip:  "I'll show you.  I'll show you _exactly_ what it is that
makes a man.  Go back.  Go back and live your life again.  Let's
see who you really are."



Hip:  "Now we'll see who you really are-- Hercules."


Young Alc [Y Alc]:  "Now be a good boy-- while I bathe."

Z:  "Ooh-hoo!  My-y-y-y-- look at who I see!  [Laughs]  How has
this-- big-- wide-- world-- been treating you?  It's all out
there for you, Son-- more than you can imagine.  Yours is gonna
be such-- a _wonderful_-- life.  And women-- let me tell you,
there's _nothing_ like a-- _beautiful_ woman.  Believe me, women
are the sweetest-- _journey_-- you will ever take.  But don't be
afraid.  Take-- a _lot_ of them."  [Laughs]


Hip:  "Did you see, Hercules?  That's who you are-- the son of
your father.  Women mean nothing to him, nor to you.  They're
just play toys to be used and then thrown away.  Your father--
all fathers, teach this to their sons on the day that they're
born.  And it doesn't change-- as you grow older."


Y I:  "What-- whaddya-- whaddya say we call it a draw?"

Teacher:  "Good match Hercules, Iolaus.  You shoud be proud 'a
yourselves.  You've become the best fighters in the class.
You've all come a long way.  You're ready to graduate.  You'll be
leaving here, soon.  You'll take with you the truths you've
learned-- when you fight-- fight to the death.  Cultivate
hardness-- `cause a man is stone.  If ya have any emotions left,
grind them to the dust.  Emotions-- are for the weak-- the girls.
Most of all, remember-- you'll be known by the enemies you make.
So-- make good ones.  Hey!"

Cadets:  "Hey!"

Y H:  "You and me, Iolaus-- we'll fight back-to-back-- and die
together!  Battlefield heroes!"

Y I:  "We die together?  A promise?"


Hip:  "There again-- women are nothing in your world.  They're
weak-- polluted with emotion.  But what great thing is it to be a
man?  Hammered into killing tools?  No feelings except for
enemies?  No strengths but those to destroy?  Tell me-- when has
a man brought life into the world?  When does a man deliver
anything but death?"

[[[[[[H:  "Be careful, Iolaus."  I:  "No, be reckless.  Careful
dies; reckless kills.  Ow!"  H:  "No, Iolaus!  Stay at my

Hip's Voice:  "You have no idea what women are-- but you've had
your first lesson-- today."

[[[[[[I:  "Hercules!  It's a woman!"  H:  "Iolaus!"]]]]]]


Hip:  "It's not my intention that you should suffer needlessly.
It's not a female trait.  You loved Iolaus.  I believe that."

H:  "He was my best friend.  We went throught a lot together.  I
should have never let him come along."

Hip:  "You surprise me.  Seems, somehow, that a spark of humanity
has survived inside you.  Could you love a woman-- as you loved

H:  "It's different with women."

Hip:  "Why?  Women need respect and loyalty just as much as you
do.  But you'll never understand that."

H:  "What if I tried to change?"

Hip:  "You can't change.  You're a man."

H:  "But if I learned to be the way I am, I can learn to be
another way."

Hip:  "Why should I believe you?"

H:  "You shouldn't.  But something tells me you're strong enough
to take the chance."

Hip:  "No.  Men can learn nothing except how to deceive and
dominate and kill."

H:  "So show me another way!"

Hip:  "No."

H:  "I don't think you could even if you wanted to.

Hip:  "And why to you say that?"

H:  "Because you don't know any other way.  You've become exactly
like the men you hate."

Hip:  "I've had enough of this conversation with you."


H:  "What are you doing?  Who's the little girl?  Why you looking
at me like that?"

Ilea:  "She's never seen a man before."

H:  "And you?"

Ilea:  "Yes-- I've just never talked to one."

H:  "So is that what you want?  To talk?"

Ilea:  "Sort of."

H:  "What do you mean, `Sort of'?"

Ilea's Voice:  "I wanna know something."

H:  "Like what?"

Ilea:  "At night, sometimes, I've heard the older women speaking.
They don't know I can hear them.  Is it true, in other places men
and women live together?"

H:  "Why do you ask me?  Doesn't Hippolyta teach you everything
you need to know?"

Ilea:  "Well, of course she does.  It's just that, sometimes, I
get these feelings inside and-- and I wonder what the enemy's all

H:  "Yeah.  Well, that makes three of us.  What about you?  Is
that what you've come here for?"

Meg:  "You-- you came from Gargarensia.  Did you see a little boy

H:  "Well, there are many little boys."

Meg:  "Yeah, well, he-he-he'd be ten-- fair-haired-- with a, uh--
with a freckle on his right cheek?"

H:  "You mean-- Franco."

Meg:  "Franco.  How is he?"

H:  "He's fine.  I mean, he's-- you're his mother, aren't you?"

Meg:  "No.  Why-- why, no, no."

Lys:  "What are you doing in here?  No one is to talk to this
dog.  Get out!  If it were up to me-- you wouldn't be caged--
you'd be buried."

Z:  "You know, normally, I like to see a woman with a little--
fire in here eyes.  Ha-- but this one is all-l-l-l-l-l fire."

H:  "What are you doing here?"

Z:  "I just came to see if I could help you."

H:  "Help-- from you.  That's a new one."

Z:  "Come on!  Give me a little credit!  You don't see the other
gods dropping in on their kids, do you?  What can I do?"

H:  "You can tell me how to understand women."

Z:  "Oh, understand women-- who can _understand_ them?!  They're
full of feelings and-- instincts and-- they can always outguess
you.  But, uh, uh-- tell me-- what are _you_ doing here?  I mean,
this-- cage can't hold the-- strongest man in the world."

H:  "It's not the cage that's keeping me here.  It's-- it's
Hippolyta, all right?  There's something about her."

Z:  "Well-- she's very beautiful."

H:  "It's not that.  She's-- different somehow.  She's got
strength and power."

Z:  "You know, I _fell_ for strength and power.  And what did I
wind up with?  Hera?"

H:  "I've just-- got to get her to change her mind."

Z:  "Women don't do that!  At least not when you want `em to.
Son-- just think back about _all_ the things-- I taught you--
about women."

H:  "I have been.  I'm thinking, maybe you were wrong."

Z:  "Oh-- huh.  Well, maybe I was.  But remember-- these
Amazons-- are Hera's favorites.  You mess around with `em--
you're gonna make her very-- unhappy."

H:  "Since when have either of us ever cared about Hera's

Z:  "Well-- I warned you."


Hip:  "Hera."

Hera:  "You've done well, Hippolyta.  You've made me proud with
the capture of Hercules."

Hip:  "It's only with the strength that you have given us that we
were able to defeat him.  We owe our victory to you."

Hera:  "Tell me-- why is it he's still alive?"

Hip:  "I didn't see the need to kill him.  I'm not so sure he's
the enemy."

Hera:  "All men are the enemy.  Haven't I told you that?"

Hip:  "But Hercules seems-- different.  He doesn't seem as bad
as-- "

Hera:  "Don't be a fool.  Hercules is the worst of them.  He
wants to control you-- to control everything.  You have to kill
him now, while you can."

Hip  "But I have spoken with him and-- "

Hera:  "Are you refusing to obey me?"

Hip:  "No, of course not.  I would never--"

Hera:  "Then do as I say.  Kill him."

Hip:  "Yes, Hera."

Hera:  "And the moment he'd dead-- I want you to carry out the
attack on the Gargarensians."

Hip:  "It will be done."


Hip:  "Lysia-- spread the word among the women.  We attack the
Gargarensian men tonight."

Lys's Voice:  "My warriors will be ready and at your call."

Hip:  "Good.  Now, go.  There's something I've got to do."


Men's Voices:  "No-- he's still eating."  "Bring your bowls

Tib:  "Hey, it's Hercules.  He's back."

Pit:  "Hercules, we thought you were dead."

H:  "There's no time to explain.  The women are coming to attack.
Gather your weapons.  Get ready to defend yourselves."

Tib:  "But-but I don't have a weapon."

Hec:  "Neither do I.  I'm just a farmer."

Pit:  "Hercules, I told you, we're not warriors.  We don't know
how to fight them."

H:  "Would you rather die?  Are you gonna let them slaughter you?
Your sons?"

Pit:  "Hercules-- there's something more we need to tell you
about their attack."


Hip:  "We ride tonight!  With the strength that Hera has given
us-- and the strength that we have _earned_ for ourselves!  Take
what you need, but be quick.  Stay only until the sound of horn.
The moment you hear it-- we ride away.  Now-- to your horses!"

Amazons:  [Cheer]


Hec:  "Hercules-- they're coming."

H:  "All right-- now, go.  But remember to do everything exactly
as I told you."

Pit:  "What about the horn?"

H:  "Don't worry about that.  I'll take care of it.  Now, get

Hip:  "Go-- but be careful.  There's no telling what kind of trap
Hercules has laid for us.  And remember-- you have only until the
sound of the horn."


Chi:  "Don't keep me waiting.  You know what I'm here for.
What's all this?"

Hec:  "I thought maybe we could talk, first."

Chi:  "Talk?  About what?"

Hec:  "You-- who you are.  I want to know _all_ about you."

Chi:  "There's no time for that.  Now, take your clothes off."

Hec:  "There's plenty of time.  Please?"


Ilea:  "Quickly!  Take your clothes off.  Take-- your-- clothes--

Tib:  "I will-- i-- if you tell me your name."

Ilea:  "No names.  We're in a hurry."

Tib:  "But you must tell me.  You see?  I've written you a love
song-- and without your name-- it has no title."


Meg:  "Franco.  What's he doing here?  He's not supposed to be

Fra:  "Are you my mother?  I sometimes dream of you-- but I can't
remember your face.  Please let me see your face."


Z:  "I beg you to please-- be gentle with me.  Or, if you wish--

Lys:  "A moment is all I need.  When the horn sounds, you'll
never see me again."

Z:  "Oh.  Oh, uh-- after an attack like that, I-- I suppose
you're-- hungry?"

Lys:  "The rules are, `No small talk; just sex.'"

Z:  "Ah-h-h-h-- I see.  Well [Laughs]-- as you wish."


H:  "So-- this is the big attack of the night that they told me

Hip:  "Stay clear of me, Hercules.  You're lucky to be alive as
it is."

H:  "I thought your women didn't need men."

Hip:  "We don't.  But we do need what they have.  It's the only
way to be sure there'll be daughters to take over from us when
we're gone."

H:  "And if the babies are male, you abandon them on the

Hip:  "We have no use for them."

H:  "Seems like an insane way of living you've developed."

Hip:  "Hera's happy.  That's good enough."

H:  "Is it?"

Hip:  "Yes-- it is."

H:  "I thought you didn't wanna be controlled."

Hip:  "No one controls us."

H:  "Oh, Hera does.  You obey her every word."

Hip:  "Not every word-- she ordered me to kill you."

H:  "Then why haven't you?"

Hip:  "Maybe I will."

H:  "Then do it now.  Why are you in such a hurry to separate
them?  Why don't you give them a chance just to talk?"

Hip:  "Talk isn't what we came for."

H:  "Are you afraid they're gonna find out they don't have to
hate each other?"

Hip:  "I'm protecting them from the lies those men will tell them
if given half a chance."

H:  "Those people down there belong together.  The Gargarensians
need your women."

Hip:  "My women don't need them."

H:  "Yes, they do.  They told me themselves.  They feel an
emptiness they can't explain."

Hip:  "Don't lie to me."

H:  "You know I'm not lying.  You feel that same emptiness--
don't you?"

Hip:  "Stop it.  No man is going to make me want him.  I won't be
that weak."

H:  "It's not weak-- to admit what you're feeling.  It takes
strength and courage.  Don't be afraid."

Hip:  "I'm not afraid of anything."

H:  "No?  Then you'not afraid of this.  And you're not afraid of
this.  And you're not afraid-- of this."

Hip:  "I told you-- I'm not afraid of anything."


Hec:  "Do you have any children?"

Chi:  "I have a little girl.  She's four."

Hec:  "She must be a cute little thing."

Chi:  "She is-- and she has your silly smile."

Hec:  "Silly smile?  Silly smile?"  [They laugh.]


Meg:  "He's such a beautiful boy."

Pit:  "Yeah."

Meg:  "You've done well with him."

Pit:  "I do my best.  But what he really needs-- is a mother."


Lys:  "This feels like heaven."

Z:  "Oh, darling-- heaven-- was never like this."


H:  "What's the matter?"

Hip:  "This has gone on long enough."


Hec:  "Her name's Chilla.  Every moment with her was fantastic.
We talked about her.  We talked about me.  We talked about
everything.  And to think up until now, I was always afraid of

Tib:  "I know what ya mean.  You should've seen Ilea.  When she
took her mask off-- I nearly cried-- she was _so_ beautiful!  Her
hair glowed in the moonlight  I'm still a little afraid I was
having some kind of vision."

Pit:  "Well-- if it was a vision-- we had one, too!"  [Laughter]

Fra:  "And I met my mother.  Hey-- "

Hec:  "Hercules-- you've given our village life again.  We owe
everything to you."

Pit:  "Thank you, Hercules.  Things are gonna be so much better,
now the women are coming back."

H:  "That's-- _if_ the women come back."

Young Man:  "Whaddya mean?  Of course they're gonna come back.
They're gonna want more.  I mean, what woman wouldn't?"

Tib:  "Yeah, they'll be back-- and think how much better it'll
be.  Our clothes will be mended.  We'll eat better."

Hec:  "It'll be back to the way it should be!"

Hec and Tib:  "Yeah!"

Pit:  "Right."

H:  "What's wrong with you?  Those attitudes are _exactly_ what
got you in all this trouble in the first place.  The women aren't
the ones who have to work around here.  It's you men-- all of

Pit:  "Hercules is right.  Things went the way they did last
night because-- we talked to them-- we listened to them."

H:  "That's right, you did.  If you wanna keep Gargarensia from
being torn apart again-- it's the only way."


Chi:  "Hector and I talked for hours."

Ilea:  "Tiber and I did, too.  You know?  He even sang me a
song."  [They laugh.]

Meg's Voice:  "You should have seen my son, Franco-- he's such a
beautiful boy."

Meg:  "I can't wait to see him again-- the both of them  And what
about you, Lysia?  Did you get to know the man you met?"

Lys:  "We, um-- we didn't get `round to a lot of talking."


Hera:  "You returned successful?"

Hip:  "Yes, Hera."

Hera:  "Did the attack go as planned?"

Hip:  "Hera, we owe you for everything that we have-- our
strength-- our freedom.  You've brought us such a long way, and
we're grateful, but-- maybe we've gone too far.  Maybe _all_
men-- aren't the enemy."

Hera:  "I ordered you to kill him!"

Hip:  "But he doesn't deserve to die.  He's different.  He's

Hera:  "You poor child.  Hercules only pretended to change.
Everything he did-- everything he said was only to prevent you
from sounding the horn.  Don't you see?  He _tricked_ you!"

Hip:  "No-- that's not true.  He-- "

Hera:  "Do you really think you could change Hercules?  He's the
son of Zeus.  Why-- they probably planned all this together.  And
while he was having his way with you-- his men were wrapping
their lies around your women.  You've lost control of them."

Hip:  "No!"

Hera:  "Yes!  Now you feel betrayed, as I felt.  He was sent to
destroy you, and he succeeded!"

Hip:  "No-- you're wrong.  I know you're wrong.  He said that-- "

Hera:  "What?  Did he say-- he loved you?  That he needed you?
Did he tell you there was no one in the world-- quite like you?
You must act now-- before everything is gone.  Assemble your
troops and destroy him.  Destroy _all_ of them!  Ride into
Gargarensia and let no man stand alive!  It's the only hope of
saving what you've worked for-- what _we've_ worked for."

Hip:  "No, Hera.  There'll be no more attacks."

Hera:  "Obey me.  I'm warning you."

Hip:  "We've obeyed you for long enough.  We've been controlled
by your hate, by the _blackness_ in your heart."

Hera:  "Hercules has to die.  The Gargarensians have to die.  I
command you!"

Hip:  "No!  There'll be _no_ more commands!"

Hera:  [Laughs]


Lys:  "The women wanted me to thank you."

Hera-in-Hip [H-H]:  "Thank me?"

Lys:  "Yeah-- look at them.  I've never _seen_ them so happy.
And to tell you the truth, I'm feeling the same way."

H-H:  "That's nice."

Lys:  "We wanna know when we can go back-- when we can see the
men again."

H-H:  "How about-- right now?  Mount up!  Full battle gear.
Battle arms.  We attack Gargarensia again. This time-- no man to
be left alive."

Lys's Voice:  "But, Hippolyta-- wasn't what happened last night--

H-H:  "You'll obey my orders-- or have you turned against me?"

Lys:  "No, my queen-- never.  Never.  We ride immediately!  This
time we fight!  Move!"



Tib:  "They're coming.  They're comi-i-i-i-i-ing!"


Man's Voice:  "Hurry."

Tib:  "We're through!"


Men:  "Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h!"  "Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!"  "Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!"
"Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!"  "Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!"

H-H:  "Burn everything to the ground!  Kill-- every living soul!"

Pit:  "Megara!  Megara, where are you?!  It's me!"

H-H:  "Lysia-- kill that man, right now."

Meg:  "No!"

H-H:  "Lysia-- kill him.  Then I'll kill him myself.  I'll kill
_all_ of them!"

H:  "Hippolyta!  What's going on?!  What are you doing?!"

H-H:  "I'm saving my women."

H:  "But they don't _need_ to be saved.  Look at them!  Their war
against these men is over."

H-H:  "The war against men is never over, Hercules."

H:  "With these men it is.  You've won.  You've got their
respect.  They're ready to treat you the way you deserve to be

H-H:  "And why should we believe your lies?"

H:  "They're not lies.  On my love for you, they are not-- lies."

H-H:  "Your father made promises on his love.  They didn't last a

Hera's Voice:  "They didn't last a day."

H:  "Hera."

H-H [Laughs]:  "That's right, Hercules.  You may have stolen
Hippolyta's heart and her mind, but I-- _I_-- control her body.
I'm going to enjoy killing you-- you and _every_ one of these


H-H:  "Yeh!  Yeh!  [Gasps]  Hercules.  There's nowhere to run,

H:  "Hyah!"

Meg:  "Why is he running?"

Pit:  "He's trying to save us."

Fra:  "But who's gonna save Hercules?"


Z:  "If I were you, I'd get back on that horse-- and keep on

H:  "And let Hera control those women?  I don't think so."

Z:  "Oh-h-h-h-h-h-h-- so, now they're yours."

H:  "No, they're not anybody's.  They're free to make up their
own minds on what they wanna do.  If they choose to be with those
men-- I'm not gonna let Hera stop them."

Z:  "Son-- it's best _just_ to get out of her way, and-- head
back when it's over.  It really works for me."

H:  "Yeah?  It doesn't work for me.  I don't suppose I can count
on you for any help."

Z:  "Oh-h-h-h-h-- I'd really love to-- but you know how it is."

H:  "Yeah-- I know how it is."


H-H's Voice:  "Don't bother hiding, Hercules!  I'll hunt you till
your head's in my hands."

H:  "I'm _not_ hiding, Hera."

H-H:  "You think you're ready for me.  Let's see what kind of
legend you really are."

H:  "I won't fight you."

H-H:  "Come on, Hercules.  I know you want to kill me.  This is
your big chance."

H:  "No.  It's all over, Hera.  Those women aren't yours,
anymore.  Hippolyta and all of them-- they belong to themselves."

H-H:  "No.  They belong to me."


H-H:  "Ahh!  Yeh!  Yeh!"

H:  "Hippolyta-- you're too strong to be conquered.  Listen to

H-H:  "It won't work, Hercules.  She can't fight this battle.
Only you can.  Yeh!  Oh, good-- the bleeding has begun."

H:  "Hippolyta-- please-- don't let her do this.  If you love me,
fight her."

H-H:  "Save your breath to scream-- Hercules.  You know?  For the
champion of men-- you were a big disappointment."

H:  "No, Pithus!  No, Hera-- he doesn't have to die."

H-H:  "You don't get it, do you?  They _all_ have to die."

H:  "No-o-o-o-o-o-o!"

H-H [Laughs]:  "What are you waiting for?  Kill me.  You know you
want to."

H:  "No.  You can't make me hurt her."

H-H:  [Laughs]


H-H:  "Seems you have no choice, now.  It's either fight-- or

H:  "I told you, I won't hurt her."

H-H:  "I won't allow both of you to live."

H:  "Then kill me."

Hip:  "What?"

H:  "If one of us has to die, it's gonna be me."

H-H [Chuckles]:  "Who would've thought-- that of all things, it
would be love that kills the great Hercules?"

H:  "I could never stand the pain-- of living without her."

Hip:  "Then live without her."  [Screams, then laughs]

H [Interrupts]:  "No!  No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!"


Hec:  "Please?"

Fra:  "Where's my dad?  What's happened to him?"

H:  "Your father was a good man, Franco."

Fra:  "But I want him back!  I want him to be here!"

Meg:  "Oh, Franco-- sometimes, we lose the people we love-- and
there's nothing we can do to bring them back."

H:  "Don't be so sure."


Z:  Hercules, it's not going to work.  What's past is past.  Let
it go.  What you're thinking about-- is impossible."

H:  "Wait a second.  Now-- do it."

Z:  "No."

H:  "Do it!"

Z:  "Look, it's not gonna change things.  This candle can only
show your past.  It's not gonna take you back there.  That's
not-- the way-- it works."

H:  "But you could make it work that way.  You do have the

Z:  "Yes, I have.  But that is not the problem.  Son-- I love
you.  And-- I understand-- your pain.  But I can't just go around
reversing time, and changing the course of events!  If you only
knew how _complicated_ it gets-- with the stars, the planets and
all.  Not to mention, the other gods.  I mean, they-- they would
go _insane_, if I started _messing_ around with things.  Son, you
can't imagine the headaches-- this would cause."

H:  "You don't understand how important this is.  Three lives--
three good people have died.  Please, Father-- do this for me."

Z:  "God, have you any idea how-- angry Hera would be?  I
couldn't go back home."

H:  "You never do, anyway."


[[[[[[H-H:  [Screams]  H:  "No-o-o-o-o!  No!"  H-H:  "They all
have to die."  Hip:  "I'm not afraid of anything."  I:  "It's a


Ania:  "Hercules-- I made extra for you.  I hope you're hungry."

I:  "Hercules?  Are you all right?"

H:  "Iolaus-- it's so _damn_ good to see you!"

I:  "Yeah, you, too.  Listen, if you don't wanna eat Ania's stew,
it's OK."

H:  "No, no-- it's all right.  I'll-I'll eat it.  Mmm-- this is
great.  It's the best I've ever had!  Iolaus, I know you two--
are gonna have a long and happy life together."

I:  "Well-- thank you, Hercules."

Ania:  [Gasps]

H:  "Oh, no, it's-it's-- it's all right.  It's only-- it's only


H:  "It's all right, Pithus.  It's me, Hercules."

Pit:  "How do you know my name?"

H:  "It's too long a story.  But I know why you're here, and I
know how to help you."

Pit:  "Then you'll come back with me.  You'll come back to

H:  "You don't need me.  You can solve your problem, yourselves.
Look-- the next time your enemy attacks, don't treat them as the
enemy.  Instead of fearing them-- respect them.  I mean, in your
hearts, you know who they are, so talk to them.  Just-- give them
what the"

Pit:  "But we can't do it on our own.  You've _gotta_ come back
with me."

H:  "I can't, Pithus.  If I go back with you, people wil die--
good people."

Pit:  "But, then-- how do we-- ?"

H:  "Just do-- as I told you."


H's Voice:  "Make your enemy your friend.  I mean, in your
hearts, you know who they are, so-- talk to them.  Welcome them
into your homes-- share yourselves, and find out who they are."

[[[[[[Ilea:  "Take your clothes off!"]]]]]]

H's Voice:  "Even if you don't know how-- try.  If you make an
effort, it'll change everything.  But you have to take the first

[[[[[[Tib:  "I've written you a love song."]]]]]]

H's Voice:  "More than everything-- open yourselves up to them.
Show them what matters to you-- what you care about.  Believe
me-- it'll put an end to all this hatred."


H:  "And, uh-- it-- wouldn't hurt if you washed their feet every
once in a while, either."

Pit:  "Are you sure it's gonna work?"

H:  "I know it'll work.  Keep that for yourself."


I:  "What was that all about?"

H:  "Oh, just an old friend.  He needed my help."

I:  "Sounds like an adventure."

H:  "You're getting married this week.  That's adventure enough
for all of us.  Now get back over there and help that beautiful
woman of yours."

Alc:  "Those two belong together, don't they?"

H:  "They sure do."

Alc:  "What about you, Hercules?  You think there's a woman out
there who can make you that happy?"

H:  "Yeah.  She's out there, somewhere."


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