Whoosh! I would like to report a very silly story line.
Even when Lena is camera shy,
Kendall still needs Lena to untangle numbers

Lena Kundera

December 9, 2003

(Lena mention)
Last update: 12/16/03

Previous Episode |AMC Guide |Episode Guide |Next Episode



Kendall Hart
Adam Chandler


Lena lives (but not seen)! Kendall needs Lena to help her untangle some numbers but gets Adam instead.


From The Official Site at ABC.com:

No Lena mention

From About All My Children

No Lena mention

From Soap Slut

No Lena mention


This all gay recap is by C.K..
Read all the All Gay Re-caps at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheAllGayRecap/.


  • Simone loses her stamp.
  • Kendall passes on the diapers.
  • Greenlee buries herself in shards.
  • Ryan fluffs himself.
  • Ruffles speaks.

The Set-Up – Same as the last forever and a half.  And anything that would paint a target on Ryan’s back.

Also: Kendall tells her hand that she needs Lena "to make sense" of the numbers.  Kendall, honey, pick up the phone! Oh, waitaminute: never mind.

Tad’s Animal House – How dare Tad treat Simone like a woman and not a one night stand? How dare he stroke her hair and make conversation? Why couldn’t he just roll over and scratch his butt?

Tad: "I just don’t think that I can fall in love with another woman, ever again, for the rest of my life."
Simone: "I thought we connected pretty well physically."

Simone, Tad didn’t say anything about going celibate: he only means he’s "spiritually gay," which is like being metrosexual - but with a wig.

Kendall’s Office – Adam offers to perjure himself to give Kendall a pass on the murder charge in exchange for Chandler Enterprises. Kendall just hands him his diapers back and, when Palmer walks in, decides to go get smashed.

The Eastern Interlude – Greenlee holds up flashcards to remind Ryan she has a name while Conte De Mumbles tells her he lied about why he had to leave Pine Balley. Valley! Pine Valley.  Guan Pablow and Greenlee resort to charades to navigate through the plot: they make it to the "you’re safe" part just on time for the Calatravas to show up and make Bruce Lee wish he’d never exported Kung Fu.

Ryan’s Ego Land - Ryan complains that women are difficult to understand and declares he’d settle for getting just one, any one, any woman at all, a woman at random like, say, Greenlee. In fact, he’ll go upstairs to give her a piece of his mind just as soon as he manages to convince Kendall that he’s a prince trapped in a frog’s body wrapped in a mad cow leather jacket and dipped in McDonald’s secret sauce.

The Last Scenes – Tad is the new Chandler butler, Ruffles, and hails from London - via Queens, NY.

At the Pine Cone, Babe explains just how many times she didn’t cheat on J.R. who, after five minutes, decides to leave. You mean, we can do that? Well, fuck this then.

At the Pine Valley Inn, McTavish shazamms Ryan into a rescuer.

TOMORROW ON ALL MY CHILDREN: Kendall and J.R. chat; Adam offers Jamie a life with Babe; Juan Pablo and a Calatrava goon struggle for the gun and a shot is fired.


This parody is by LizzieT.

No Lena parts today because there was no Lena in the actual show but at least Kendall remembered her.

Simone expressed her feelings for Tad.
Simone: I love you.
Tad: Jinkies! I...uh....well....
Simone: I know. I've heard it before. We're not right for each other. You love Haley - you filmed my brother's drug overdose - you're dead. I've heard every excuse a man has to offer, believe me.
Tad: I'm sorry Simone. I just don't think I can love another woman.
Simone: You mean because of Liza?
Tad: No, the angry villagers took care of that plot twist. Because of Dixie.
Simone: But Dixie's dead.
Tad: Death doesn't mean forever - at least in Pine Valley. You never know if Dixie might turn up again someday, especially if she finds out what Craig has been up to over in Oakdale. But we can still be together. It's not like some newbie is going to enter my life. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go over to Adam's and intercept a phone call from a newbie.
Krystal: Hello, this is Krystal the newbie. Who am I speaking to?
Tad: This is Raffles the butler.
Krystal: Is Babe there?
Tad: No. I think she's in a sleazy motel trying to worm her way out of an adulterous triangle.
Krystal: :::sniff sniff:::My baby girl has turned out so well. Just like me. Do you think there's a chance I'll be as popular as she is?
Tad: I think that's a strong possibility.

Over at the Pine Cone things were tense.
Babe: Why did you trick us into coming here?
JR: I know the truth. You and Jamie were here your first night in town.
Babe: All right. I'll tell the truth.
Jamie: I knew you would. I'll just stand here with a goofy smile while you tell JR what really happened.
Babe: Jamie came on to me. I told him to get lost. I've never cheated on you JR. I'm as pure as the driven snow::::thunder crashes:::well, as pure as a New York City snow after the third day?:::thunder crashes:::::how about pure as Lake Erie at the height of water pollution?
Jamie: She's lying JR. We made love in this hotel room and the baby is mine.
Babe: He's the liar. The baby is yours - or maybe that guy from One Live To Live's. But it's not Jamie's. Hey, where did JR go?
Jamie: Who needs him? Now you and I can be happy together. I think I love you.
Babe: Are you nuts? I just called you a liar and tried to make your brother hate you. What's wrong with you?
Jamie: I can't help it. It's genetic. You should see some of the guys my mother's been in love with. Did I ever tell you about time she fell for the guy that ran over my sister?

Adam came to see Kendall.
Adam: Kendall, give me Chandler Enterprises back and I'll help you clear your name at the trial.
Kendall: How can you do that?
Adam: I was there and I saw....you know.
Palmer: Don't trust him Kendall. Adam you should be more concerned with what's happening at your house.
Kendall: What's happening at his house?
Palmer: He doesn't approve of JR's wife so he's trying to come between them.
Adam: JR doesn't need to be stuck with that awful Babe. I'm only trying to protect my son.
Kendall: I don't understand. Here we have three prime characters in this scene and we're talking about Babe and JR.
Adam: A lot of the audience FF their scenes. At least if we talk about it they'll have some idea of what's going on.

Ryan was worried about Greenlee.
Ryan: Me Ryan. Me think Greenlee in danger. Me take Greenlee away from Juan Pablo's room.
Greenlee: I can think for myself you know.
Ryan: Me big and strong. Me save Greenlee.
Greenlee: Bug off Caveman. I need to talk to Juan Pablo about what's really going on.
Juan Pablo: I had to protect you by breaking up with you.
Greenlee: You could have trusted me with the truth.
Juan Pablo: I couldn't put you in danger.
Greenlee: Don't be silly. I wouldn't have been in danger. Hey, who is this guy at the door?
Juan Pablo: Don't look now. We are in terrible danger.
Greenlee: I know. Let's have an action scene. I'll kick and break vases over people's heads.
Juan Pablo: I will use karate type moves and throw things at people.
Greenlee: :::sigh:::Action sequencs are pretty lame aren't they? We're not very convincing fighters.
Juan Pablo: Aha, I have a gun pointed at this extra's head.
Extra: But I have a gun pointed at her head. And she's a contract player so I win.
Juan Pablo: That is too bad. First my brother is written out, now it seems as if Greenlee and I must go too.
Greenlee: Don't worry. I'm sure Ryan will show up and rescue us - as long as he doesn't get distracted.
Ryan: Hello Kendall.
Greenlee: Auuughhhhhh! Kendall again!
Kendall: Hello Ryan. Where are you going?
Ryan: Nowhere important. I was going to see if Greenlee might be in terrible danger but it can wait.
Greenlee: There's a gun pointed at my head!
Kendall: I don't want to keep you.
Ryan: That's all right. We have plenty of time to pretend to be talking about business while we're really talking about us.
Greenlee: I'm being dragged to the doorway!
Kendall: You'd better hurry.
Ryan: If you insist. But let's just stare at each other for another minute.
Greenlee: I'm headed down the hallway! I'm going to be toast in a few minutes!
Ryan: All right, all right. I'm coming. Why, Greenlee and Juan Pablo, what are you doing with a couple of armed extras?


One positive thing about the episode: there was an actual reference to Lena. Now we know not only did she go home on Dec. 2, but now by Dec. 9th, she is expected to come to work at some time (or at least pick up her messages). Nevertheless, what the heck has shebeen doing for the past week? Re-modeling her new snazzy new apartment/condo? Talking to her mother on the phone for days on end? Selling all her Cambias memorabilia on eBay?


Kendall: It's kind of small for a Trojan Horse.

Kendall: I'd say how kind of you, but we both know better.


Unverified in non-clip parts

***** (clip a) [Kendall dictates to Lena when she's interrupted by Adam (Lena mention)]

[Kendall at work desk speaking into taperecorder]
Kendall: Lena, help please. I need you to help me untangle these stupid numbers from London. I need from January to September 2003. What am I missing? [hears someone coming into her office] Unless you're already here to help [Adam enters bearing disposable diapers] And you're not.
Adam: I come in peace
Kendall: Well, it's kind of small for a Trojan Horse.
Adam: Disposable diapers for the baby Cambias.
Kendall: Yes, how strange and how very early.
Adam: Well, you can't be too early stocking up on the essentials.
Kendall: Well, I'd say how kind of you, but we both know better.
Adam: Oh, I'm wounded.
Kendall: Yes, and I am up to my neck here with numbers and work. So, Adam, if you don't mind, please just get to the point and then go.
Adam: All right, all right, peace offerings aside -- I'm here to make all your troubles disappear.
Kendall: Ok, Adam, wave your magic wand. I'm ready to be astonished.


If anyone has any clips from this episode, please contact me ASAP, Kym

I am eliciting volunteers to host the clips throughout the web. If you have 5-100megs of space you can lend to this project, please let me know!

Previous Episode |AMC Guide |Episode Guide |Next Episode

Guide Table of ContentsBack to Whoosh!