Whoosh! You think this pregnancy makes me look fat?
Bianca assures Maggie she's
not going to run off with Lena

Lena Kundera

December 12, 2003

(Lena mention)
Last update: 12/16/03

Previous Episode |AMC Guide |Episode Guide |Next Episode



(No Lena)
Bianca Montgomery
Kendall Hart
Aidan Devane
Maggie Stone


Aidan mentions Lena when telling Kendall about finding the murder weapon; Bianca assures Maggie that she won't run off with Lena and leave Maggie alone


From The Official Site at ABC.com:

Bianca convinces Maggie to stick to their plans to go away together after assuring her that she isn't ready to become a couple with Lena again. Kendall arrives to see Bianca just as a there is an explosion in the hallway

From About All My Children

Maggie wants to go with her, but doesn’t think it’s a really good idea as a lot has changed. Bianca knows she means Lena; Maggie’s been acting weird since she started seeing her again, and by seeing her she means whenever they’re in the same room! Maggie thinks they obviously want to be together, and she doesn’t want to be a third wheel. Bianca insists she and Lena aren’t planning a honeymoon trip; they haven’t even kissed yet! She’s not ready to jump into a serious physical relationship—she’s pregnant! Maggie thinks Bianca and Lena should go on this trip, but Bianca insists they planned this trip together and she wants Maggie to go with her, “Unless there’s some other reason you don’t want to be around me?” When she says she doesn’t think she can do this without her, Maggie says if she’s going to resort to guilt-tripping her, she guesses she’ll have to go with her.

From Soap Slut

Bianca realizes Naggie is backing out of their arrangement because of Lena. Naggie says that the two are seemingly becoming involved again and she doesn’t want to be a “third wheel.” Great, the woman can’t even use literary analogies correctly...

Naggie caves and agrees to go with Bianca out of town like they planned. They toast to it with soda cans. Bianca’s explodes all over her and Naggie seems to be so excited for an opportunity to remove Bianca’s shirt, she practically rips it off the poor woman. Yeah, you’re straight. Sure. Naggie departs to go talk to her professor and back out of class for the spring semester. Bianca thinks the hallway smells funny. All Naggie smells is the garlic that was on her lunch. She suggests that it’s just Bianca’s overactive pregnant sense of smell. Naggie leaves and Bianca bids her farewell with “Smell you later!” Oh, and I didn’t think my Bianca-love could grow more. Simpsons references? Will you marry me, Binks? Six simple words: I’m not gay but I’ll learn...


This all gay recap is by C.K..
Read all the All Gay Re-caps at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheAllGayRecap/.


  • Laptops keep Brooke warm.
  • J.R. tries to walk like a man.
  • Babe catches.
  • Mia watches.
  • Bianca finds the freezer behind Maggie.
  • Kendall flies.

The Set-Up – At the Pine Cone, Kendall sees Aidan’s gun. Stop snickering.

Under Portia’s Breast Triumvirate, Bianca interrogates Maggie.

At the police station, Erica is outraged, OUTRAGED! And it’s Brooke’s fault! Because she’s there! And she’s taller!

Adam’s Confessional – Remember when JarJar Boob were in bed and we couldn’t see it? Yeah, good times.

Boob wants to either be loved or thrown out, but J.R. just wants to look credible, so he shuffles papers around and drinks from a really big mug. What’s in there, Ovaltine?

Police Station – Erica has issues with today’s tabloid media ‘cause they don’t put her on the cover anymore. Brooke wants to get "a handle on the Babe situation" but doesn’t think of a tanner quickly enough and Jamie, who is nothing but a walking hormonal riot, still dreams of nuptials.

Roach Motel – Aidan tells Kendall that she’s already been linked to Jack’s gun because the Pine Valley Ocean is magical and can preserve evidence for months.

Kendall: "Oh my god: they’re going to find out everything."

Oh shut up.

The prints on the gun that Aidan recovered from the landfill belong to Reggie and Bianca; Kendall, who wants to protect her lov – erm, sister, wipes the gun and fires it in the air.

Well, thank god there are no records of the prints! What? There are? Can you just be quiet and enjoy the drama? Feh.

Liza’s Boxes – Mia got dressed in Maggie’s darkroom and thinks Aidan will like the new "her."

Oh, Mia: Aidan can’t keep count of all the new versions of you.

Liza, on the other hand, finally switched on the lights in her closet and called the movers to take the thousand boxes she marked for Goodwill.

Portia’s Studio – Maggie wants to go away with Bianca, but maybe she’d rather take an anatomy class instead 'cause...you know.

Maggie: "A lot has changed."
Bianca: "All right, tell me what. I’ll start: Lena."
Maggie: "See? You know, I knew that was the first thing that you would think."

There’s no chance you’d ever switch your major to English Lit, is there?

Bianca: "And that’s not it? Come on, Maggie: you’ve been acting weird ever since I started seeing Lena again. And, by ‘seeing her,’ I mean when she’s in the room, like I see you. Like I see Portia."

Bianca, you’re so insensitive: Maggie feels insecure and inferior in regards to Lena: just because it’s true doesn’t mean you can needle her about it.

Maggie: "It’s a lot more than that, ok? I mean, you guys obviously wanna be with each other and when you guys start getting involved again, I mean, I’d rather be knee-deep in advanced anatomy than be hanging around like a third wheel."

But you need to be a third something if you want to be the hypotenuse! And the hypotenuse is the right side of an angle opposite the right angle: that is so you, Maggie.

Bianca: "Lena and I aren’t planning a honeymoon trip: we’re taking baby steps. We haven’t even kissed yet."

Dude, you haven’t even talked.

Bianca: "Look, I’m not ready to jump into a serious physical relationship yet: I’m pregnant."
Maggie: "[…]  Why can’t you just go with her instead of me?"
"Because we planned this trip together and I wanna go with you."

So - Lena is a temptation for Bianca and she’s using Maggie to offset it? It’s another holiday Fuck You to the BAMmers, isn’t it? I’m just broken up about it.

Bianca and Maggie toast to the Going Away To Have VolderTot plan, but then Bianca spills her soda on her "favorite shirt" so that she can take it off and have Maggie tell her that she looks beautiful.

On Planet BAMbastico, this is certain to be a meaningful exchange. I think pregnant women are gorgeous, too, but I don’t get a sexual identity crisis out of it – mostly ‘cause I’m already into women – but why should I rob them of the squeak factor? You were raped? And you’re having a baby? This is the perfect time to tell you I might be confused! Again. For the second time. Like last year. But it’ll be twice as dramatic ‘cause last year we only had to deal with the fact that I’m your former lover’s twin sister and this year we have the rape, too. And the baby. It’ll be great. You know, until I remember that I’m "into guys" again.

Liza’s Boxes – Simone drops by with a document for Mia; Liza forges her sister’s signature because, what the hell: it’s just a legal document!

Brooke helps Liza explain to Simone that Tad is just like Arnold Schwarzenegger – except that he doesn’t stop at ass-groping. Of course, he doesn’t make women with clean records into felons, either: looks like my girlfriend left California just in time – though my former Governor left his wife for a campaign worker, too. And there was that whole business with the fountain…

Motel By The Hour – If you were MotherBoob and had lots of change, what would you do? Why, dump it on the maid so she can go get herself something nice!

Stoner Central – Kendall wonders how things would be if she and Aidan had left together.

Yeah, so do all of us because, instead of you with crunchy candy Aidan, we’re getting you with BlinkyBot!Brow: there is not enough holy water to keep us safe from that pairing.

Outside, Mia looks on as Kendall and Aidan kiss. 

I wait for the sparks will set her hair on fire.

The Last Scenes – At the Pine Cone, Mia wants to take Aidan out to dinner to "celebrate [her] gorgeousness."  Going to The Pit then? Excellent.

At the police station, Erica is proud of Reggie and swears him into the Masonic Kane-Montgomery Tribe.

At Adam’s, Jamie wants things to go back to the way they were, sex with his brother’s wife be damned!

J.R.: "Remember when I nailed you in the eye with a snowball?"

Yeah, whatever: I had the BroYay at "you."

In the hall, Bianca and Kendall take a flying leap because this was the only way McTavish could think of to get her tenure tagged as "explosive."

NEXT WEEK ON ALL MY CHILDREN: J.R. asks Jamie to do the right thing; Greenlee and Ryan talk about Juan Pablo; Erica calls Bianca.


This parody is by LizzieT.

Lena parts are indicated in red for those who only want a Lena fix

Erica arrived at the police station.
Erica: How dare you arrest my son?
Derek: Reggie is Jack's son, not yours.
Erica: Don't start with me Derek or I'll have to hit you.
Derek: Why don't you tell Erica what you did to get arrested?
Reggie: I hit a cop while I was drinking in a bar.
Erica: Oh Reggie, how could you? I'm so disappointed. Wally and the Beaver never pulled stunts like this.
Derek: He had company - Jamie.
Erica: Hello Brooke. Off the backburner for the day I see? How dare your son corrupt my son.
Brooke: Put a sock in it Shorty. My son didn't corrupt your son. Jamie is a good kid.
Erica: Please. With you for a mother it's a wonder Jamie isn't a serial killer.
Brooke: You don't have much room to talk. Your daughter is accused of murder.
Erica: Your daughter is Laura.
Brooke: Rats. She always tops me.
Erica: I'm ready to leave. Where's Reggie?
Reggie: I'm holding a press conference about the Cambias murder case.
Erica: You can't do that.
Reggie: Because I might make things worse?
Erica: No. Because you're practically my son. In this family we don't give scoops out to local reporters. We hold out for Barbara Walters. I don't know what's going on with you Reggie. You're not acting like yourself. You're breaking the law and hitting people. You're actually acting more like me. Are you struggling with demons dredged up by this murder investigation.
Reggie: No. Jamie started telling me all about that Babe storyline and I just felt like getting drunk and hitting someone.
Erica: That's understandable. That storyline seems to have that effect on a lot of people.

Babe tried to talk to JR.
Babe: I'll just be teary and protest how much I love you.
JR: I'll just be angry and sullen.
Jamie: I'll show up and talk about how I hate to hurt my brother but that I think the baby is mine.
Lizzie: So nothing really happens in your storyline today besides the same old same old?
JR: No.
Lizzie: Then I think I'll go make some hot chocolate. It's cold outside. You guys carry on.

Mia and Liza had a talk.
Mia: So you're throwing out all of your old clothes.
Liza: Yes. My wardrobe has been the talk of the message boards for years. Maybe if I dress better the angry villagers will like me better.
Mia: I've been wanting to talk to you about Aidan. It's so wonderful between us.
Liza: He's a good lover?
Mia: Incredible. The only thing that would make it better is if he stopped screaming out Kendall's name in the heat of passion.
Liza: Don't let a little thing like that stop you from going after him. There's nothing more rewarding than hungering for a man who's in love with someone else. Why if you really go all out to get him you might even have your own crowd of angry villagers calling for your head.
Mia: Sounds great. I'll just go show Aidan my new look. I'm calling it Personality #349 - Slightly deranged biker chick.

Kendall went to see Aidan.
Kendall: I see you're still working on the case.
Aidan: Oi plan to prewve there's reasonable doubt that yew killed the rotter. I ave this gun whot as someone else's fingerprints on it. It moight be enuff tew sive yew from the drop.
Kendall: That's wonderful. Whose prints are on it?
Aidan: Bianca and Reggie's.
Kendall: Ooops. I just rubbed off their fingerprints and left mine all over the
gun instead. Back to the drawing board I guess.
Aidan: Yew're not an easy woman to sive Kendall. But Oi still care about yew. :::kiss kiss kiss:::
Mia: So he's kissing Kendall like there's no tomorrow huh? Any woman with an ounce of self respect would realize she's not wanted here.....::knock knock::::Oohhhh Aaaiiidddannnnn, let meeee iiiiiiiiin.
Aidan: Blimey, it's ...it's.....
Kendall: Mia?
Aidan: Mia? Is that er nime? Oi'd better let er in.
Mia: Why Kendall, what are you doing here?
Kendall: I was just leaving.
Mia: Good. Aidan, let's go out.
Aidan: Sorry. Oi'd rather sit ere and stare at me flow charts until Oi foind some wigh to clear me beloved Kendall of the murder charges whot ave een foiled against er.
Mia: So we'll go out on Saturday night?
Aidan: Saturdigh sounds gewd. This show doesn't come on on Saturdighs.

Simone came to see Liza.
Liza: So how's Tad? I guess he's told you all about me.
Simone: No. We only talk about interesting things. Right now he's away on business.
Liza: Oh poor naive Simone. You really believe he's away on business? I'll just bet he's cheating on you right now. Look, here's Brooke another woman he cheated on.
Simone: I'm leaving now. I'm thinking of going somewhere with more appealing company - like visiting Carlos at the funeral home.
Brooke: What was that all about?
Liza: I think I'm getting my inner b**** back.

Bianca had a talk with Maggie.
Maggie: I think you're starting to show.
Bianca: No I'm not.
Maggie: Yes you are. Pretty soon your stomach will be a big bump of baby.
Baby: Please. I prefer to think of myself as a gentle swelling.
Bianca: What's this about you taking a class next semester? How could you? You're supposed to leave town with me.
Maggie: But you said you couldn't leave town just yet.
Bianca: I can't. But when I'm ready to leave you have to be ready to leave with me.
Baby: Right. Her life has to revolve around you even if yours doesn't revolve around her. Sounds a bit like Grandma Erica if you ask me - which of course no one did.
Maggie: I thought now that you're getting closer to Lena you might want her to go with you.
Bianca: Lena and I are just taking baby steps toward each other. We haven't kissed or anything.
Baby: Right. At the rate they're going I'll be in kindergarten before they get another segment on Entertainment Tonight.
Maggie: Oh well, if you're sure you want me to, I'll drop my plans to further my education and just be at your beck and call.
Bianca: Good.
Baby: Good. Just don't buy me any baby clothes OK? I don't want to be the laughing stock of the sandbox.
Maggie: I have to go now so I won't be home when something potentially deadly happens.
Baby: What? What are you talking about?
Bianca: Good idea. Kendall's coming over and potentially deadly Friday cliffhangers should just involve the Kane sisters.
Baby: Ack! What's going on here?
Kendall: Hi Bianca. I heard there was a potentially deadly cliffhanger about to happen so I rushed right over.
Baby: Help! I heard it was rough surviving on this show but this is ridiculous! Somebody call my agent! What a world, what a world!


Bianca: Come on, Maggie. You've been acting weird ever since I started seeing Lena again. And by seeing her -- I mean when she's in the room -- like I see you. Like I see Portia.

Bianca: I'm not ready to jump into a serious physical -- I'm pregnant!


Unverified in non-clip parts

***** (clip a) [Aidan gets the prints report back on the gun he found (Lena mention)]

[Knock on door]
Aidan: Hang on.
Man: Mr. Devane?
Aidan: Yeah.
Man: Sign.
Aidan: Thank you. I've been waiting for this for ages. I found two sets of prints from the gun, so I sent them to the lab to be checked out. Now, luckily, most of the murder suspects have their prints on file. Jack's are on file, because he's an officer of the court. And the other suspects -- as in David, Lena, Erica, and Adam Chandler -- are there because they've been arrested.
Kendall: Well, this -- this seems like sort of a long shot.
Aidan: We got to look everywhere, Kendall.
Kendall: Even if any of those people actually killed Michael, I don't want to be the one to turn them in. I hate this. What? Did they find a match?
Aidan: Yeah, they did. And you're not going to like it.

***** (clip b) [Bianca and Maggie discuss Bianca's relationship with Lena (Lena mention)]

Bianca: It looks like you're bailing on helping me and my baby. When were you going to tell me this?
Maggie: I want to go with you. You know that I do.
Bianca: That's what it sounded like.
Maggie: Look, I just don't think it's a really good time. A really good idea, actually.
Bianca: Why? What changed?
Maggie: A lot has changed.
Bianca: All right. Tell me what. I'll start. Lena.
Maggie: See? You know, I knew that that was the first thing that you would think.
Bianca: And that's not it? Come on, Maggie. You've been acting weird ever since I started seeing Lena again. And by seeing her -- I mean when she's in the room -- like I see you. Like I see Portia.
Maggie: No, it's a lot more than that, ok? I mean, you guys obviously want to be with each other. And when you guys start getting involved again, I mean, I'd rather be knee deep in Advanced Anatomy than be hanging around like a third wheel.
Bianca: Wow. You're making an awful lot of assumptions about what I'm going to do.
Maggie: I just want to give you your space.
Bianca: Maggie, if I wanted space, then I would ask for it. Lena and I aren't planning a honeymoon trip. We're taking baby steps. We haven't even kissed yet.
Maggie: And I didn't ask, did I?
Bianca: No. Maybe that's the problem. Look, I'm not ready to jump into a serious physical -- I'm pregnant!
Maggie: I know, and that's why we were going on this trip together. Because you're pregnant. So why can't you just go with her instead of me?
Bianca: Because we planned this trip together. And I want to go with you. Unless there's some other reason that you don't want to be around me.


If anyone has clips of this episode, please contact me ASAP, Kym:

I am eliciting volunteers to host the clips throughout the web. If you have 5-100megs of space you can lend to this project, please let me know!

Previous Episode |AMC Guide |Episode Guide |Next Episode

Guide Table of ContentsBack to Whoosh!