Whoosh! I should have slapped Maggie upside the head with that cellphone when I had the chance
Lena and Maggie get a
few things off their chests

Lena Kundera

December 17, 2003

(Lena appearance)
Last update: 12/17/03

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Lena Kundera (Olga Sosnovska)
Bianca Montgomery
Erica Kane
Babe Chandler
Maggie Stone


Erica mentions Lena when she thinks that Bianca and Babe are an item; Maggie reads the riot act to Lena who doesn't buy it completely; Bianca returns to do some serious hand holding with Lena


From The Official Site at ABC.com:

Maggie lashes out at Lena for burdening Bianca with the guilt that Lena feels. Maggie and Lena go to the gate house and Bianca reaches out to Lena.

From About All My Children

Maggie comes back to the apartment and calls out for Bianca. Lena comes in and asks where she is? She just heard about the explosion on the radio! That's how Maggie heard, too; she called the hospital and Bianca was on the list, but she wasn't admitted. She adds when she left, Bianca smelled something weird, and it must have been the gas. Lena asks if she didn't check it out? She was supposed to be looking after her-isn't that the whole reason she moved in with her? Maggie insists she's not her bodyguard, and this wasn't her fault, but Lena exclaims that she should have been here, and would have been were it not for Maggie! Maggie fires back that she's not keeping her from Bianca, but Lena argues she's done everything possible to keep them apart! Maggie says it wasn't her, it was Bianca, and she held her back because she wanted to protect her! Lena insists, if Bianca feels she has to protect her, it's because Maggie put the idea in her head, but Maggie retorts that Bianca can make up her own mind about people. She asks where all her concern for Bianca was when Michael sent her to seduce her? Lena says she loves Bianca, but Maggie thinks she's just seeking absolution. Lena calls that disgusting, but Maggie says disgusting is what Michael did to Bianca when he raped her. Lena says she was devastated at what happened to Bianca, but Maggie says she didn't give her the time or space she asked for to recover-instead she told her she tried to kill Michael Cambias because she felt responsible. Does she even know what that did to her? Lena wanted to give her some sort of justice, but Maggie says she failed and only succeeded in making Bianca feel really sorry for her, which is why she stayed away. She asks if she truly loves her? When Lena says yes, Maggie advises her to stop chasing her and telling her how badly she feels. Instead, give her a chance at a new life, even if she's not in it the way she wants to be; she'll get stronger and heal at her own pace, so she can be the mother her child deserves. Lena sighs Maggie doesn't think much of her, and admits she doesn't think much of herself lately; that's why she's been seeing a therapist since her attempt. Maggie asks what she's talking about, and insists Lena tell her what happened. Lena admits she was being selfish and did something she regrets-she took some of the poison she put in Michael's allergy pills. Maggie exclaims the last thing Bianca needs to hear is that Lena tried to kill herself because she couldn't stand to see her in all that pain! Lena insists she's getting help and it will never happen again; Bianca will never have to worry about her. She wants her to heal and find happiness again, so she can give her child the wonderful life they both deserve...

Erica doesn't want to know the details! She tells Bianca she really wants her to have someone special in her life, but Babe is a married woman, and her problems with Lena will be nothing compared to Adam finding out she's involved with his son's wife! Bianca says she has it all wrong, and Babe asks what she missed here? Bianca tells her she's gay, and Babe asks, "So what?" Bianca explains her mother thinks that they're "together"; she and Babe laugh together as Babe says people around here have assumed a lot about her, but her with another girl is a first!...

Babe opens the door, and Maggie asks if Bianca is here? Babe says yes, "And just so you know, we're just friends!" Maggie hugs Bianca, who asks how's the apartment? Maggie says it's a mess, but Portia and all 3 eyes survived, unfortunately! Lena comes to the door and says she hopes she doesn't mind-she was with Maggie when she called her. Bianca's eyes shine as she says she doesn't mind at all-she's glad she's here. Lena beams when Bianca takes her hand, but Maggie uncomfortably moves away.

From Soap Slut

I forgot to mention yesterday that Erica had showed up at Stuart and Marian’s, having figured out where Bianca was at. Why Erica feels the need to hire Tad to do PI work is beyond me. She seems to have mad tracking skills. Anyway, Erica totally misunderstands why Boobe and Bianca are together and thinks they’re shacked up. The really funny part is Bianca having to correct Erica. Boobe doesn’t get why La Kane is all flustered so Bianca tells her, “I’m gay.” “So?” So Erica thinks we’re doing it. Boobe dies laughing...

Lena and Naggie arrive at the BAM apartment at the same time. Naggie is finding out the hard way that her apartment blew up since no one bothered to tell her about it, hee. Lena and Naggie point fingers at each other about whose fault it was that Bianca got hurt. Spare me. I really wish I had been spared the utter stupidity of Lena telling Naggie about her suicide attempt...

Naggie has now tracked down Bianca. Boobe lets her in but is quick to inform her that she and Bianca are just friends. Hee. It’s a good thing she did that, since Naggie has been so jealous lately. Case in point: the look on Naggie’s face when Lena walks in the door and Bianca completely tunes her out. Boobe’s face is funny too, as she takes in the sight of all these women swarming Bianca. Lianca joins hands right across Naggie’s face and she gets up to go sulk off screen while I howl with laughter at her...


This all gay recap is by C.K..
Read all the All Gay Re-caps at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheAllGayRecap/.


  • Ryan slams his head against the SisYay.
  • Babe covers [for] Bianca.
  • Krystal uncovers Tad.
  • Lena's ankles remain safe.
  • Kryan makes me weep.
  • Michael saves me.
  • Note: I've been told by a few of you that you're having formatting problems with the recap.  I write it in Word, then transfer it to Yahoo! Mail to send it out: if you read it in your mail as opposed to the list, your e-mail client may not recognize the code.  I suggest you read the recap in the group, either in the original post or in the Files section.

The Set-Up – At the cottage, Erica won’t calm down because Binky hung up on her.

At the motel by the hour, the Southern Bubba stereotypes give they gay stereotypes something to think about.  Also, Krystal is an "old soul" and has the men to prove it.

The Cottage – Babe pontificates about old souls and karma while Erica looks as if she were swallowing garlic that was sautéed in holy water. After she figures out who Babe is, Erica does New Math: Bianca is gay + Babe is blond and a stray = they’re doing it.

Erica: "Bianca, sweetheart: you know that I really want you to find someone special, but Babe is a married woman and your problems with Lena will be nothing compared to what you’ll face if Adam finds out that you’re involved with his son’s wife."

Bwah! Yeah, Lena never looked so good, Erica. And Adam? Adam would be thrilled. And BAMmers must be spitting nails: how dare Erica presume that Bianca is ready for any kind of action? Bwah! Yeah, that’s my favorite part.

Bianca: "Babe, I’m - I’m gay."

Hold on to that Binky: once Maggie goes bi, the next sexual statement out of your mouth will be "Where’s Ryan?"

Babe: "So what?"

Oh, you bastards! OK, I’m weak: Babe, I officially like you now.

Portia’s Studio – Maggie rushes in, followed by Lena.  So what if Maggie can’t drive stick? Look, she came in with a flashlight: that goes under the "tools" category. Sure, the rest of us would have taken out the HazMat suit but, hey: baby steps.

Lena: "I just heard about the explosion on the radio."
Maggie: "Yeah, that’s how I heard, too."

Oh good grief: does no one own a television in this town?

Maggie: "When I left, she smelled something weird: god, it must have been the gas."
"You didn’t check it out, you just left her here? […] Maggie, you’re here to protect her, you’re supposed to be looking out for her: isn’t that the whole reason why you moved in with her?"

Yeah, Lena would have been all over that gas leak! But – no. Lena, I hate it when you make me kick your *ss: the poor woman thought it was her garlic breath! Don’t be absurd. Plus, she moved in ‘cause she had no other story, you know that.

Lena accuses Maggie of purposely keeping her away from Bianca, but Maggie says it was a decision Bianca made in order to protect her – and we all know how well Bianca protects the people she loves from whatever teen drama she’s suffering on any given day.  Oh, I know: shut up.

The Cottage – Bianca is all out of lies and lets Babe handle everything ‘cause she’s much better at blowing smoke up Erica’s *ss – and she does so brilliantly by explaining that she asked Bianca for tips on clothes and make-up.

Erica: "Babe, wait: I could give you some tips if you want. I mean, why don’t we start with your hair."

Babe is doomed, DOOMED!

Ryan’s Shack – Ryan’s bought a new place – where does Lena live again? – and gives the keys to Kendall since her Fake!VolderTot will bring her all the Cambias hundreds of thous…mill…billions. Have they decided it’s billions? ‘Cause, last time, Kendall said it was $20,000.000.

Kendall: "When you handed me this and didn’t ask me any questions, I thought you were trying to tell me something."
Ryan: "I was and I thought you understood."

Yeah, Kendall should have read between the nudges and non-blinks. Feh.

Ryan calms Kendall down, asks her to be "in the moment" and kisses her.

I almost break my arm lunging for the remote.

Portia’s House Of Garlic – Lena’s still accusing Maggie of whispering in Bianca’s ear, but I’m distracted by the cow licks: Lena, what the h*** happened to your hair? Were you in the explosion, too?

Maggie: "Tell me Lena: where was all this concern for Bianca when Michael sent you to seduce her?"
Lena: "Listen, Maggie, I love Bianca, ok?"

What? Oh for god’s sake: Lena, this is not a good time to do your imitation of an amoeba!

Maggie: "Really? Is it love or just a way to find absolution Lena?"

That’s disgusting!

Lena: "That’s disgusting."

Oh, fine, FINE!

Maggie: "Disgusting is what Michael did to Bianca when he raped her."
Lena: "How dare you? I was devastated by what Michael did to Bianca."
Maggie: "And how did you show it? Did you give her the time that she needed or the space that she asked for to recover? No. Instead, you told her that you tried to kill Michael Cambias because you felt responsible. Do you even know what that did to her?"
Lena: "I was trying to give her some kind of justice."

Yeah, shut up Lena: I’m going to do this for you since you suck at it. First of all, time and space? Lena was nowhere near Bianca for months: where was she supposed to go, Mars Colony? Secondly, Maggie, shut the f*** up about the attempted murder: whose Zapruder did I watch six times, huh? Yours! Oh, here’s Maggie behind the plant, blah, blah, blah, hope it’s a carnivore, blah fishcakes blah. Thirdly, Lena confessed because Kendall was about to be charged with Ryan's attempted murder, remember that? And who was the one who, at the police station, told Bianca that "Lena had the courage to do what none of us could?" You, you stupid troll: that was you! And Bianca was not the least bit traumatized by that, on the contrary. Come here Maggie: I have some "garlic" for you to smell.

Tempo – Greenlee doesn’t want Juan Pablo to go after the Calatravas even if it means that, with them running around, "more people will die."

Greenlee: "Fine, do it. Save the world. Wear your cape, ride your white horse."

Hey, what’s with the sarcasm? Some of us wear those capes for a living you know! And the horses are never white. Feh.

Portia’s House Of Soot – What, again? But I just finished one rant!

Lena: "You don’t think much of me, Maggie, it’s all right: I haven’t been thinking much of myself lately, that’s why I’ve been seeing a therapist since my attempt –"

Oh, come on! Lena, I haven’t been thinking much of you lately, either, mostly because McTavish is too stupid to put you on TV, but now I’m thinking you’re a tool! You let this slip with Maggie? Maggie? You might as well buy yourself a ticket to Siberia.

Lena: "I took some of the poison that I put in Michael’s allergy pills."
Maggie: "How could you possibly do that to her? […] The last thing that she needs to hear is that you tried to kill yourself because you couldn’t stand to see her in all that pain."

Yeah, we didn’t like that crap story, either, but a bit of sympathy wouldn’t be so out of place, would it? On the other hand, I am now more convinced than ever that Maggie will make a great doctor: what, with her bedside manner and everything.

Lena: "Maggie, I’m not proud of what I did, but I’m getting help and it’ll never happen again. Bianca will never have to worry about me. I want her to heal, I want her to find happiness again so she can give her child the wonderful life they both deserve."

Yeah, whatevercakes.

The Cottage – Making over Babe is hard work: Erica takes off her jacket and circumnavigates the word trampy until Bianca rescues her and translates that into "try to be more subtle."

Babe shares the news of her pregnancy and, the more she goes on about "little baby feet" and "little baby hands," the more Erica crosses her legs and looks as if she has to run to the bathroom. On her way out, Erica imparts some wisdom.

Erica: "And just remember one thing: you shouldn’t have to change yourself to please anyone."

But – if you’re Maggie and you please no one, should you not try?

The Last Scenes – Maggie arrives at the cottage; Babe looks into her eyes and pinky swears that she and Bianca are "just friends." Bwah! That’s ok Babe, all Maggie can do is take a bite out of you kneecaps.

Bianca forgets Maggie is there fussing over her as soon as she spots Lena; she looks up long enough for an EyeShag Quickie.

Lena: "Hi. I hope you don’t mind: I was with Maggie when you called."
"I don’t mind at all: I’m glad you’re here."

On the kiddie couch, Maggie watches as, from across the Atlantic, Bianca takes Lena’s hand in hers. And ThumbShags it. It’s love. Sniff.

At Jack’s, Erica curls up on the couch with Jack’s jacket.  I want you to get married! Sniff.

At Tempo’s, Juan Pablo manages to kiss Greenlee without sucking her face in. They love each other. Sniff.

At the new place, Ryan assaults Kendall’s curls. Sniff. Aidan! Where's Aidan? Sob. Oh, wait: Michael! Thank god! Wake up Kendall, please!

TOMORROW ON ALL MY CHILDREN: Liza warns Tad; Kendall thinks Jack’s legal strategy is crap; Erica doesn’t want Ryan to give the Cambias fortune to Kendall.


From Black Knight:
I find it ridiculously funny that even though Maggie lives in the studio apartment too, no one's bothered to call her to give her a heads-up that the place is a wreck. It's like she doesn't even exist. Listening to Kendall, Bianca's the only one living there.

From Sappy:
At least Lena is wise enough to seek therapy, she said so to Mags. And what was that Mag never hurt Binx. And it didn't hurt her when you said that you were into guys.

Lena it wasn't smart to tell Mags about the suicide attempt. For a doctor to be Maggie is not very compassionate. You don't blame the person but you're supposed to try to understand.

After that last scene( Lena holding out her hand to Binx and Binx taking it it) Lena won the first round against Mags.

From Boris
Lena, Lena, Lena, why tell Maggie about the suicide? You're already on her shit list, and telling Maggie isn't going to help that situation. I don't think the original evil Lena would have made that mistake. Telling Bianca, I could have understood, but I have the feeling that Maggie, in her current pitbull state, could use it against Lena.

From BindyesQ
Ah, but maybe that's exactly the reason to tell Maggie about the suicide. If she then turns around and tells Bianca, who looks petty here? Not Lena, since she tried to protect Bianca from finding out. Maggie really can't tell Bianca anything without looking like she's trying to hurt Lena/Bianca, or that she's jealous. I haven't actually seen the episode yet (only read the pbp), but I'd like to think that Lena was smart enough to have thought of that before telling Maggie about the suicide attempt.

From Black Knight:
I think a hospital makes a suicide patient get therapy for at least a couple of sessions following a failed attempt. I think David made a reference in his hospital scene with Lena about follow-up care or such. Lena doesn't strike me as the type who'd go get therapy on her own. She's extremely closed off about everything except her love for Bianca. So, not that we ever got to hear about it, but my guess is she initially went because she was made to, and then decided it was helpful and that she should continue.

I took Lena's telling Maggie about the suicide attempt as a classic HPF [Hot Polish Fox] manipulative move which didn't work out the way she was hoping. From what Lena was saying during the argument (as well as to Bianca when she was in jail), she's clearly overestimating Maggie's influence on Bianca and views Maggie as an obstacle to her reuniting with Bianca. And the only time Lena ever tries to get in good with someone is if it'll help her in business or with Bianca. I think she was trying to garner some sympathy from Maggie, only Maggie wasn't having it. Great bedside manner, there, Mags. That said, I doubt Maggie will tell Bianca about the suicide attempt. She knows it would upset Bianca and make her feel guilty, which is the same reason why Kendall, David and Boyd have all kept it quiet.

Maggie was right in one thing she said, though I don't think she understands how she's right in what she said (right thing, wrong reasons)--Bianca is trying to protect Lena. From what Lena said in reply, that if Bianca's trying to protect Lena, it's because Maggie told her to, it's clear Lena doesn't really understand what's going on with Bianca. (That was unusually poor reasoning on Lena's part, because it's pretty apparent that Maggie doesn't give a s*** about protecting Lena, but it explains why Lena thought telling Maggie about her suicide attempt might be useful. Now she knows better.) Nor does Maggie. Maggie doesn't know any more than Lena does just how much about the night of the rape Bianca has kept concealed--in fact, because Bianca gave Maggie such a detailed account, down to details like how Michael's breath smelled, Maggie probably thinks she knows everything. Bianca's still really screwed up about that night and about whether she's good enough for Lena, which of course Lena doesn't get because she adores Bianca. It's that conversation that I was posting about a while ago that Lianca definitely needs to have before they can have sex again (since it appears as far as Bianca's concerned, she's not going to officially reunite with Lena until she's ready for that step--it takes the self-imposed pressure off of her).

Anyway, all that said, I don't think AMC's going the route of a true triangle. It's not being played that way at all (a true triangle being one where the middle person is genuinely torn between two people). Maggie's just being cast as the obstacle who's annoying the real couple. [McTavish] does love piling up the obstacles.

From Mystic:
I forgot one part where Lena was funny today. When she was tearing into Mag's about Maggie's lackluster protective skills. That cracked me up. She was all implied," So, Bianca thought she smelled something and you didn't go check it out??? If *I* were here, *I* would have believed her and done something about it! See? I *am* the better girlfriend, you garlic breathed munchkin! NeenerNeenerNeener!" It's gonna be a riot when you have Mags, Lena, AND Kendall all jockeying for position. My money's on Kendall (Kinks don't really have any issues between them), with Lena a close second (Lianca is gettin' there). Mags? Dunno

From Skiffypup:
One handholding Lena and Bianca for ten seconds set the HOUSE ON FIRE!

From Black Knight:
I agree that Kendall has the easiest time because she and Bianca really have no issues between them anymore. And because of the circumstances surrounding the Kinks lovechild, Kendall will automatically get more access than anyone else to the baby. Lena may wind up as the official second mommy, but let's face it, because of what that baby symbolizes to Kendall and Bianca, all Kinks jokes aside, Auntie Kendall's going to be the real second mother

From onewomanshow
Now Erica's reaction to Babe's "transformation" line was hilarious, as was Babe's "we're just friends!", but did anyone else notice the look on Babe's face when she was sneaking out past Lena? It was as if she were thinking, "Hole-y sh**! No wonder her mom thought we were hooking up--she's a mack. Got women crawling out of the wood work to fawn over her. Let me get out of here before the next one thinks something naughty is going on." Hee. Loved it.

From Black Knight
Props to onewomanshow for pointing out Babe's look as she left. Given that Lena had showed up saying that she hoped Bianca "didn't mind", I think Babe was expecting a catfight. Ha. I'd love it if she asked Bianca about it next time they see each other. And others have already said it, but I must repeat that it was very funny watching how Bianca completely forgot Maggie was even in the room the second she saw Lena. (And I also laughed when Lena was telling Maggie earlier that Bianca listens to Maggie and that Maggie knows that, because it's so Not. True. It's long been quite amusing how completely Bianca ignores any advice of Maggie's. Not that Lena knows that.) Yeah, Bianca's not torn. At all. At least not on the question of Maggie vs. Lena. Now if it were Lena vs. Kendall...speaking of which...

We still got our Kinks SisYay too. I totally snickered when Kendall was telling Ryan that regardless of what happens with him or anyone else, Bianca comes first. It's always good policy to let your boyfriends and potential boyfriends know that they are insignificant compared to your girlfr--er, sister.

And I noticed that AMC couldn't think up even a stupid explanation for how Erica tracked Bianca down, so they just skipped it entirely.

From Boris:
For the life of me, I can't figure out how Erica found Bianca and Babe. I assume that Erica and Lena share a GPS. Now I'm checking the back of my head for a chip. Speaking of the chip (who, where?) I actually found Ryan less annoying than usual. As much as Kendall brings the angst, it's fun to see her happy for once, even with Ryan.

From Black Knight:
boris, I assumed that Lena just followed Maggie, since she was with Maggie when the phone call from Binks came through. Maggie looked a little surprised, and not at all pleased, to see her, so they obviously didn't go over in the same car.

But Erica, yeah, I'm going to have to go with the GPS chip, secretly installed after Bianca ran away from Myrtle's and Kendall had to look for her.

From CKD:
Did no one notice the ThumbShag? Even though the hand-holding was from such a great distance that it was practically Transatlantic, Bianca made the most of it by molesting Lena's hand with her thumb.

A day later, I'm still giddy that Lena made Maggie disappear.

From Black Knight:
I noticed the thumbshag too. And Lena was soooo happy. She took a chance by going over when Maggie had just finished bitching her out about chasing and pressuring Bianca, and tested the waters very gingerly with Bianca. But Bianca made it oh-so-very-clear that she did not mind at all and was thrilled to see Lena. No wonder Maggie was grouchy.

From Skiffypup
The thumbshag was lingering, loving, and gentle. There were two shots of it; so, they wanted us to notice. ( But- why the need to ruin the shot with Maggie looking like she swallowed a spiky marble? They could've done that just a sec earlier and left us one tiny two second Lianca moment in the camera unmolested. Big trees ... and, you know.)

From ckdngl
Olga reverted to Brit English in the first few lines of her dialogue after the explosion, when she says "you've done everything possible to keep us apart."

From KerleyQ
Loved how when Bianca showed up, Lena was the first person she hugged, and she was still looking back at Lena while Maggie hugged her. There's no triangle here, the girl is head over heels for Lena. Case closed. And I'm willing to forgive the cheesy "message" from Mona if it means that Bianca is going to just tell her family already. I actually want to see Erica's reaction when she realizes 1) how much Kendall has done for Bianca and how close they are and 2) that David, Maggie, Kendall and Lena all knew before her.


This parody is by LizzieT.

Ryan and Kendall grew closer.
Ryan: Please trust me Kendall. Let me help you.
Kendall: I do trust you Ryan.
Ryan: Good. Because I just bought this house and it will probably be yours someday.
Kendall: I knew I couldn't trust you. How could you?
Ryan: Huh?
Kendall: Now let's get romantic.
Ryan: Huh?
Kendall: I know. I give myself whiplash sometimes.
Ryan: Let's decorate the Christmas tree, talk about our Christmas dreams, and cuddle here by candlelight. Never mind why this empty house came with a Christmas tree, a bunch of cushions, and 65 candles that all match perfectly.
Kendall: This is so nice. Just don't let TPTB know. They tend to pull the plug at the first sign of romance.

Greenlee went to see PFKAJP.
Lizzie: I have to confess I didn't pay attention during these scenes. Sorry. I think it was something about him risking his life and her not wanting him too but I just don't remember.
PFKAJP: In my country a recapper would pay attention or face death by a roving squad of Argentinian hit men.
Lizzie: Whatever.

Tad met Krystal.
Tad: My stepson is married to your daughter.
Krystal: Get out of town! So you and me are sort of like kissing cousins then.
Tad: I guess you could say that. Rumor is that they hired you to be my new love interest. Why don't you come back to Pine Valley to see Babe for Christmas?
Krystal: Do you think that's a good idea? I heard they're tired of the constant parade of newbies.
Tad: I'm sure they'll love you just as much as they love Babe.
Lizzie: Obviously I didn't pay much attention during this part either. Sorry.

Maggie and Lena found out about the explosion.
Lena: How could you let this happen? You are supposed to take care of Bianca.
Maggie: And I'm supposed to prevent gas leaks? Even those message board people can't blame me for this. But I'm about to give them plenty of ammunition. You always make things worse for Bianca.
Lena: You try to keep us apart. I think you are confused about your true feelings.
Maggie: I think you should stay away from Bianca and let her live her own life - with me as her best friend and constant companion of course. You just hurt her when you do things like trying to poison Michael for her sake.
Lena: That should do it as far as those message board people are concerned.
Maggie: And trying to kill yourself was just plain selfish.
Lena: Forget those message board people. Now you're starting to make me mad.

Erica was startled to find Babe with Bianca.
Erica: What's going on here?
Babe: Oh me and Bianca are just real tight all of a sudden.
Erica: Oh Bianca, not her! It's bad enough Adam's storylines all have to come from having her as a daughter in law but not mine too!
Bianca: Relax Mom, we're just friends.
Erica: Then what are you doing here?
Bianca: I'll let Babe explain.
Baby: Right. Just stand there and let someone else lie through their teeth so you won't have to be honest. This is getting pretty old if you ask me - which of course no one ever does. Maybe because they don't know I exist.
Babe: Bianca was giving me make over tips. Maybe you can help too. After all, I'm making over for two now.
Erica: Maybe a higher neckline would help.
Babe: Not them. For me and my baby. I'm pregnant.
Baby: But the kid doesn't get any lines. I made sure of that.
Erica: A make over would be nice but remember Babe, you shouldn't have to change who you are for anyone. Babe=Good. Good night everyone.
Baby: :::sob::::Her too? It's like that movie where the pods were growing in the greenhouse.
Bianca: What's your mother like?
Babe: She's great. When I was a little kid I woke up one night and caught her kissing Santa Claus.
Bianca: But it was really one of her boyfriends dressed up like Santa Claus?
Babe: No, it was really Santa Claus. Momma wasn't picky about a guy's age or body as long as he gave her plenty of presents.
Bianca: She sounds wonderful.
Babe: You really think so?
Bianca: I guess. Anyway, if we talk about her like that the audience will think she's great. You know how easy they are to manipulate.
Baby: I can see it now. Mom will decide to use Krystal as a role model for single mothers and try to raise me just the way she raised Babe. I wonder if they need a baby over on The Young and the Restless. Oh well, everyone ready for a Christmas montage of sentimental scenes done to the backdrop of a Christmas song?
::::Grandma got run over by a reindeer, walking home from our house Christmas Eve:::::
Producer: Baby!
Baby: :::snicker::::Oh all right :::::Have yourself a merry little Christmas, let your heart be light::::::

Greenlee: Please don't get killed.
PFKAJP: I will try to survive. Why? Have you heard any internet rumors about my contract?
Maggie: Bianca, are you all right? I was so worried. Are you sure you're OK?
Bianca: Hello Lena.
Lena: I hope you don't mind. I came with Maggie.
Bianca: Maggie who?
Baby: Now if we could just get some mistletoe over here this storyline might finally get off the ground.

Erica: Here Reggie, drink your milk and go to bed. Tomorrow is a big day for you.
Reggie: Thanks. This is just like what Mrs. Brady would do for her son.
Erica: I know. Of course her boys usually had a big Scout meeting coming up instead of a court date.
Reggie: Any chance of you and Jack getting married?
Erica: I don't think so. We'd actually have to have scenes together and that doesn't happen much. Now you run off to bed. I'll just sit here with Jack's jacket. ....Hmmm, this isn't so bad. Maybe I should just keep the jacket and forget about men. I know David told me the best relationship he ever had was with Dixie's sweater.

Kendall: :::gasp:::Michael, what are you doing here?
Michael: TPTB heard things were getting sweet and romantic so they sent me to put a stop to it. All romance must be counteracted by fear and suffering.
Ryan: Get lost Sluggo. You're not real.
Kendall: Oh Ryan, maybe we can have real romance on AMC after all.

:::And have yourself a merry little Christmas now:::::::


Hmmm, I think I feel a triangle about to blossom

Maggie gets a front seat for some Lianca finger action


Erica: That's really nice. But that still doesn't explain what you're doing here.

Erica: Bianca, sweetheart, you know that I really want you to have someone special in your life, but Babe is a married woman.
Lena: I would've been here if it wasn't for you!

Maggie: Is it love or just a way to find absolution, Lena?

Lena: I hope you don't mind. I was with Maggie when you called her.
Bianca: I don't mind at all. I'm glad you're here.


Unverified in non-clip parts

***** (clip a) [Erica thinks Babe and Bianca got a thang goin' on (Lena mention)]

Erica: What's going on here?
Babe: You know how when you meet someone and there's that -- that instant connection, kind of like you knew them in a past life or something?
Erica: What's that got to do with anything?
Babe: Well, that's how I felt about me and Bianca. We were just talking one day, and it just hit me that she was one of those people and -- and I just knew in that moment that Bianca could help me change everything that wasn't going right in my life.
Erica: That's really nice. But that still doesn't explain what you're doing here. Why did you leave the hospital without saying a word to anyone?
Babe: I asked Bianca to give us some privacy, some time alone so we could just work things out and -- and with Stuart and Marian being gone, this was the perfect place.
Erica: I remember you now. You're J.R.'S wife. You're Babe. I -- I met you at B.J.'S.
Babe: Yes. That was one of the top 10 moments of my life. So, you won't tell anyone that you found us here? Because I kind of didn't want anyone knowing until I was completely transformed.
Erica: By Bianca? I see. Well, then, I guess I know what's going on here.
Babe: Well, cool. So -- so keep it on the down low, then? Because J.R. Doesn't even know, and so far, Bianca and I have only, we just --
Erica: No, no, I don't need to hear the details. Bianca, sweetheart, you know that I really want you to have someone special in your life, but Babe is a married woman. And your problems with Lena will be nothing compared to what you'll face if Adam finds out that you're involved with his son's wife.
Bianca: Mom, stop. You have it all wrong.
Babe: Wait, wait. What did I miss here?
Bianca: Babe, I'm -- I'm gay.
Babe: So what?
Bianca: So my mother thinks that you and I are together.
Babe: "Together," as in --
Bianca: Together.
[Babe laughs]
Babe: Oh, my --

***** (clip b) [Lena gets snippy with Maggie]

[amc031217b starts]
Maggie: Oh, my god. Oh, my god, Bianca! Bianca, are you here? Bianca, where are you? Oh, my god.
Lena: Oh, my god. Where is she?
Maggie: I don't know.
Lena: I just heard about the explosion on the radio.
Maggie: I know. That's how I heard, too. I called the hospital. I mean, she was on the list, but that's all they could tell me. She was never admitted.
[Lena sighs]
Maggie: I mean, when I left, she smelled something weird. God, it must've been the gas.
Lena: Well, you didn't check it out? You just left her here?
Maggie: Well, she's always so overly sensitive.
Lena: Maggie, you are here to protect her! You're supposed to be looking out for her! Isn't that the whole reason why you moved in with her?
Maggie: I'm not her bodyguard Lena! It wasn't my fault!
Lena: I should have been here. I would've been here if it wasn't for you!
Maggie: Listen, I am not keeping you from Bianca.
Lena: You don't want me anywhere near her -- admit it. You've done everything possible to keep us apart.
Maggie: No, it wasn't me, Lena. It was Bianca. She held you back because she wanted to protect you.

***** (clip c) [Maggie gets snippy with Lena]

[amc031217c starts]
Lena: If Bianca feels she needs to protect me, you put the idea in her head.
Maggie: Please. Bianca can make up her own mind about people, Lena.
Lena: Yes, but she'll listen to you, and you know that.
Maggie: Because I'm the only one who's never hurt her before? I wonder why.
Lena: You call this protecting her?
Maggie: Tell me, Lena, where was all this concern for Bianca when Michael sent you to seduce her? Yeah, that's what I thought.
Lena: Listen, Maggie, I love Bianca, ok?
Maggie: Really? Is it love or just a way to find absolution, Lena?
Lena: That's disgusting.
Maggie: No, what's disgusting is what Michael did to Bianca when he raped her.
Lena: How dare you. I was devastated by what happened to Bianca.
Maggie: And how did you show it? I mean, did you give her the time that she needed or the space that she asked for to recover? No. Instead, you told her that you tried to kill Michael cambias because you felt responsible. I mean, do you even know what that did to her?
Lena: I was trying to give her some kind of justice.
Maggie: Well, you failed. On the upside, you did make her feel really sorry for you, which is why she stayed away -- because she didn't want to burden you with more guilt.
Maggie: Tell me, Lena, do you love her? I mean, do you truly love her?
Lena: Yes.
Maggie: Then just stop chasing her and stop telling her how badly you feel. Instead, give her a chance to feel what she needs to feel. Give her a chance at a new life even if you're not in it the way you want to be. I mean, she's going to get stronger. She'll heal at her own pace, I promise. But not for you and not for anybody else except for her child, so she can be the mother that her child deserves.

***** (clip d) [Lena tells Maggie about the suicide attempt]

[amc031217d starts]
Lena: You don't think much of me, Maggie. It's all right. I haven't been thinking much of myself lately. That's why I've been seeing a therapist since my attempt --
Maggie: What attempt? What are you talking about?
Lena: Nothing. Don't worry about it.
Maggie: Well, if it's something that could affect her, then I want to know.
Lena: Bianca won't know. She doesn't know, ok?
Maggie: Lena, you are not leaving until you tell me what happened.
Lena: When Bianca was -- when I found out that Bianca was having an abortion, I couldn't handle it. I did something stupid, something I regret.
Maggie: Oh, great. More regrets. That's just perfect.
Lena: I was being selfish, yes. I felt partly to blame for -- for the pain that she was in. I didn't handle it very well.
Maggie: Well, what did you do?
Lena: I took some of the poison that I put in Michael's allergy pills.
Maggie: How could you possibly do that to her?
Lena: I thought at the time I was doing it for her. I -- I don't expect you to understand.
Maggie: Well, I don't. God, and the last thing that she needs to hear is that you tried to kill yourself because you couldn't stand to see her in all that pain.
Lena: Maggie, I'm not proud of what I did, but I'm getting help and it'll never happen again. Bianca will never have to worry about me. I want her to -- to heal. I want her to find happiness again so she can give her child the wonderful life they both deserve.

***** (clip e) Clip E [Lena and Maggie find Bianca with Babe]

[amc031217e starts]
[Maggie finds Bianca with Babe]
Maggie: Hi, I'm Maggie. Is Bianca here?
Babe: Yeah. Oh, and just so you know, we're just friends.
Maggie: Ok. Hi.
Bianca: Hi.
Maggie: Oh, god.
Bianca: How's the apartment?
Maggie: The apartment's a mess. I mean, portia and all three eyes survived --
bianca: Oh.
Maggie: Unfortunately. How are you? I mean, what happened? Did anyone else get hurt?
[Lena enters and Bianca completely focuses on Lena]
Lena: Hi. I hope you don't mind. I was with Maggie when you called her.
Bianca: I don't mind at all. I'm glad you're here.
Singer: Have yourself a merry little christmas let your heart be light from now on our troubles


I have the following unprocessed clips (when I get the transcript they will be processed):
amc031217b.mpg (9m; 0:52) Lena gets snippy with Maggie
amc031217c.mpg (17.5m; 1:42) Maggie gets snippy with Lena
amc031217d.mpg (13.9m; 1:21) Lena tells Maggie about the suicide attempt
amc031217e.mpg (8.9m; 0:52) Lena and Maggie find Bianca with Babe

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