Whoosh! Lena discovers two reasons to re-evaluate her opionion of Bianca's hideous dress
Lena's more interested in Bianca
than anything Maggie or Jamie are doing

Lena Kundera

December 30, 2003

(Lena appearance)
Last update: 01/02/04

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Lena Kundera (Olga Sosnovska)
Bianca Montgomery
Maggie Stone
Jamie Martin


Lena comes to Bianca's apartment to pick up her New Year's Eve date


From The Official Site at ABC.com:

Maggie enlists Jamie as her date when she sees Bianaca and Lena going out together and doesn't want to be a third wheel.

From About All My Children

Maggie comes home with 2004 sunglasses and noisemakers, and calls out for Bianca to come on, "Let's party!" Bianca comes out, looking beautiful in a festive dress, and asks if Maggie can tell there's a baby on board? Maggie assures her she can't at all, and asks where she's going? Told the party at the Valley Inn, Maggie asks what she's talking about? She thought she said it was for senior citizens! Bianca asks if that sounds remotely like anything she would say, and Maggie has to admit she said it, and Bianca laughed! As Bianca shrugs that now she wants to go, the doorbell rings. Maggie wonders who that could possibly be, and Bianca says it's her date! She opens the door for Lena, and both girls are blown away by how beautiful the other looks. Maggie puts her coat on and says she's going out, but Bianca insists she doesn't have to do that. Maggie says they obviously want privacy, but Bianca insists they don't, so she can quit the "third-wheel routine"! Lena asks what's that? Bianca explains that, every time they're together, Maggie decides she's got somewhere else to be because she doesn't want to cramp their style. Lena agrees that's not the case, and she's looking forward to them all spending the evening together. When Bianca says she knows she doesn't have any plans for tonight, Maggie tells her that actually she has a date; Bianca doesn't know him, and it's someone she met in class. Bianca asks why she's doing this? She really wants her to come tonight! Bianca is stunned when Jamie shows up and Maggie kisses him. Bianca thought she said she didn't know her date. Maggie says they just started seeing each other, and don't know where it's going. Jamie plays along, and Bianca suggests they both come to the Valley Inn. Maggie says they had something more informal in mind, and they'll meet up with them later. Jamie puts his arms around Maggie as he says maybe not! Bianca and Lena wish them a Happy New Year and leave, and Maggie instructs, "Okay, you can take your hand off now!" She thanks him for not blowing her cover, and Jamie grins it actually cheered him up for about two minutes! "More girl trouble?" Maggie asks. They agree to try and have a good time on their fake date, even though both of their hearts are somewhere else.

From Soap Slut

Naggie (sigh) pretends she’s not jealous when Lena comes to pick Bianca up for their New Years date. James happens by and Nags pretends that he’s her date... Kendall makes nearly every AMC-watcher have the urge to clean out their fridge by doing so and looking incredibly hot doing it. There’s something to be said for no-frills jeans and a t-shirt. Ryan happens by, tells her she looks like crap (only more proof that he’s the biggest blowhard idiot ever) and wants her to get all dolled up to celebrate the new year with him. She half-heartedly resists but then finally acquiesces.


This all gay recap is by C.K..
Read all the All Gay Re-caps at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheAllGayRecap/.


  • Maggie has a date.
  • Bianca forgets her pants.
  • Lena is relieved.
  • Jamie tries to forget.
  • Paul comes and goes.

The Set-Up - In her elfish snow boots, Maggie honks at 2004; Bianca walks out in a studded, pink cleavage wrangler and Lena shows up in a blue/silver/gold sheer-y gown/wrap that looks an awful lot like a tortilla. On speed.

The New Year cowers behind the couch.

At her condo, Kendall cleans out the fridge and showers with baking soda.

Kendall's Condo - It's time to take out the trash and Ryan.  Oh, wait: is that redundant?

The trash bag rips and all sorts of disgusting, rotting food spills to the floor.

Ryan: "Are you sure you don't need me?"

For trash duty?  Step right up, Prince Stinko.

Portia's House of Horrors - Lena and her rags make it through the door.

Lena: "Wow, you look stunning."
Bianca: "You look incredible."

Are you both blind?  Even Maggie can't stand to look at you and wants to leave.  What?  Oh, right, it's 'cause of the...you know.

Maggie: "You guys obviously want some privacy."

One would think so since Bianca left most of her dress in the closet.

Bianca: "No, we don't, so quit the third wheel routine."
Lena: "What's that?"

That's when someone rolls over another couple's happiness with her confusion. 

Lena: "It's all right: Bianca told me you'd be coming and I'm looking forward to it."

Liar!  And Bianca forgot to tell Maggie she had made plans for her?  *Snort*  That's almost as funny as Lena and Maggie pretending to like each other in front of Bianca when what they really want to do is set each other's hair on fire.

Actually, Maggie has a date.  Yeah.  With, huh, a guy.  A random guy.

Bianca: "Really?  You have a date?  Tonight?"

Gee Bianca, Maggie's allowed to date!  She does have a life that doesn't revolve around you, you know. What?  Oh, right.

Lena checks out Bianca's a** while she walks to the door to let Jamie in.

Bianca: "You?  And Maggie?"

Bwah!  Bianca, sweetie, I think you're supposed to be jealous, not incredulous.  Remember?  The triangle?  The thing with three sides? 

The Lodge - Greenlee and StillJuan!Pablo are ready to spend a romantic New Year's Eve together: just the two of them, a roaring fire and the snowshoes that will keep them safe from Eau De Desperation.

Over music so horrible that I find myself longing for the King of Crap, Enrique Iglesias, Conte De Mumbles reassures Greenlee that they're perfectly safe, no one can get past his men, it's like Fort Knox, but better - and then Mia waltzes right in.

Portia's House of Trigonometry - Jamie catches on quickly and wraps himself around Maggie.

Jamie: "I taught her how to drive stick and she taught me - well, I won't go into that."
Lena: "Well, I think you look great together."

Of course you do, you and the bazillion of us who are Lianca fans.  Now, please, check out Bianca's rack and then go fix your hair.

After Bianca and Lena take off for the PVI, Maggie decides she and Jamie should go there, too, because what's the use of feeling jealous by yourself when you can go stare at the woman you're into while she dances with someone else?

TOMORROW ON ALL MY CHILDREN:  Tad and Krystal share a table; Babe tries to deal with Jamie; Ryan jumps on Mia and Kendall.


This parody is by LizzieT.

Greenlee arrived to meet PFKAJP at the ski lodge.
Greenlee: Wow, you look great!
PFKAJP: Thank you. In my country a man wears a tux in the hope people will forget that he's not all that interesting.
Greenlee: I think it's working. But is it safe for us to be here?
PFKAJP: Of course. Edmund has sent his crack Wildwind security team to protect us.
Greenlee: My life really is in danger isn't it?

Mia was skulking around the ski lodge.
Aidan: Don't mewve mite. Oi've got me gun pointed at yew're ead and Oi'm not afride tew yewse it.
Mia: Dont shoot Aidan. It's me.
Aidan: Blimey! Whot are yew dewing ere?
Mia: I followed you up here. I thought I'd just spend New Year's Eve spying on you through the windows.
Aidan: Oi see. Personality #530 - demented stalker.
Mia: You got it.

Kendall was cleaning out the trash.
Kendall: Let's see what we have here....ick....tapes from the Sexiest Man contest....gag.....last year's What Women Want episode....ewwwwwww....my kissing scenes with twitching JR.....
Ryan: Why don't you go out with me tonight?
Kendall: Why should I after the way you treated me?
Ryan: Because if you don't it will spoil the set up for tomorrows show with all of us at the ski lodge in one big triangle - or whatever you call a six sided romance.

Maria and Edmund spent the evening alone.
Maria: What about the Crystal Ball? Weren't we going to have it this year in Dixie's honor?
Edmund: I canceled it. They couldn't find a way to work the ball into the Babe storyline.
Maria: Oh well, there's always next year. Of course Dixie may be back from the dead by then. I've heard conflicting stories about her Oakdale gig.
Edmund: Just for now let's have a romantic evening alone. Who knows when we'll be seen again?

Bianca and Lena prepared to go out.
Bianca: Why don't you come with us Maggie? Lena and I would love to have you.
Lena: Poor Bianca. That concussion is still bothering you isn't it?
Maggie: I can't go. I'm busy.
Baby: Ack! You're not going to be seen in public dressed like that are you? Even Maggie is better dressed than you are. Please please please let Grandma Erica find out about me in time to start buying my clothes.
Bianca: You're busy? How can that be? Your whole life revolves around me.
Maggie: I have a date.
:::knock knock::::
Maggie: That must be my sweet baboo now.
Bianca: Jamie is your sweet baboo?
Maggie: Why is that a problem?
Bianca: I'm not sure. Either I don't like the idea of you dating or I can't get past that before SORAS'ING he was 9 when I was 16.
Baby: Maybe by next New Year's Eve I'll have been SORAS'D. I hope I'm in a triangle with Sam and Petey.

Adam and Dorian conspired against Babe and Paul.
Dorian: Thank you for keeping me informed about what you're up to. I'll just head back to my own soap now.
Adam: I understand perfectly. It's got to be more interesting than this one. I don't suppose you'd take me with you.
Dorian: Sorry. But I'm going to leave Paul here with you. I've been trying to ditch him for weeks.
Adam: I don't blame you. He actually makes the kid who plays my son look good.

Babe: Paul, you have to help me fake a paternity test.
Paul: No way. I just want to forget you exist.
Babe: Tough. So do those message board people but it hasn't done them any good. Now you help me or I'll tell everyone that we're still married.
Paul: How am I supposed to help you? We're on two different shows.
Babe: Don't be silly. This crossover is guaranteed to thrill the audiences of both shows. Can't you hear the excitement building now?
One Life to Live Fans: Zzzzzzzzzz
All My Children Fans: Zzzzzzzzzz
Paul: Wow. Those fans really are noisy when they're excited.


Even the cold air of the Amana can't dampen the hotness that is Kendall.

Kendall finally cleans out her refrigerator.


Bianca: Really? You have a date tonight?
Maggie: Yeah. Please don't keel over or anything.

Jamie: Don't do anything we wouldn't do.

Maggie: Just try to have a good time with me even though your heart is somewhere else.
Jamie: I will if you will. Because it's pretty clear that your heart isn't in this room, either.


Unverified in non-clip parts

***** (clip a) [Maggie finds out that Bianca has a date with Lena]

[mc031230a starts]
Maggie: Come on, bianca! Come on, it's time to party!
Bianca: Ahem.
Maggie: Oh, my god. I guess you're ready.
Bianca: Yeah. You can't tell there's a baby onboard, can you?
Maggie: No, no, not at all. Where are you going?
Bianca: To the party at the Valley Inn.
Maggie: What are you talking about? I thought you said it was for senior citizens.
Bianca: Does that sound remotely like anything I would say?
Maggie: Ok, I said it, and you laughed.
Bianca: Well, now I want to go.
[Doorbell rings]
Bianca: Oh, I'll get it.
Maggie: Who could that be?
Bianca: My date. Whoa.
[Lena is at the door]

***** (clip b) [Maggie makes Bianca and Lena think she and Jamie are dating]

[amc031230b starts]
Lena: Oh, wow. You look stunning.
Bianca: You look incredible. Hey, where are you going?
Maggie: Going out.
Bianca: Maggie, you don't have to do that.
Maggie: Well, you guys obviously want some privacy.
Bianca: No, we don't, so you can quit the third-wheel routine.
Lena: What's that?
Bianca: Every time you and I are together, Maggie decides that she's got someplace else to be, because she doesn't want to cramp our style.
Lena: Maggie, you're too sensitive.
Maggie: Whatever. I'm just trying to give you guys some space, that's all.
Lena: It's all right. Bianca told me you'd be coming, and I'm looking forward to it.
Maggie: Right, but she didn't tell me about it, so I didn't know.
Bianca: Only because I knew you didn't have any plans tonight.
Maggie: Well, I have a date, actually.
Bianca: Really? You have a date tonight?
Maggie: Yeah. Please don't keel over or anything.
Bianca: No, it's just you didn't mention anything. Who's your date? Somebody I know?
Maggie: No. Not really.
Bianca: A total stranger?
Maggie: No, no. I'm in class with him. You know, he goes to P.V.U.
Bianca: Maggie, why are you doing this? Come on, I really want you to come tonight.
[Knock on door]
Lena: That must be Maggie's date.
Maggie: No. It's too early. He wasn't supposed to be here until --
Bianca: You and Maggie?
Maggie: Yeah. Me and jamie. Hi, sexy.

***** (clip c) [Bianca & Lena invite Maggie & Jamie to join them but they refuse]

[amc031230c-inc1 starts]
Bianca: I thought you said I didn't know your date.
Maggie: Did I? Ok, I -- I lied. You know, Jamie and I just started seeing each other. And we really don't know where it's going. I just --
Jamie: Of course it's going somewhere. I taught her to drive a stick, and she taught me --
Maggie: Ahem.
Jamie: Well, I won't go into that.
Lena: Well, I think you look great together.
Jamie: Thanks, so do I.
Bianca: Ok, fine. You're -- you're dating Jamie. So you both can come with us to the Valley Inn.
Maggie: Um -- you know, well, we sort of had something more informal in mind.
Jamie: Yeah, like another driving lesson, maybe.
Maggie: Yeah. He's kidding. Why don't you guys go? We'll meet up with you later. How about that?
Jamie: Yeah, maybe later. Or -- maybe not.
Bianca: Ok. So long.
Lena: Happy new year.
Maggie: Happy new year!
Jamie: Don't do anything we wouldn't do.
Bianca: Oh. Cute.
[Bianca and Lena leave]
[amc031230c1-inc ends]
Maggie: Ok, you can take your hand off now.
Jamie: What was that all about?
Maggie: It doesn't matter. The point is that the two of them do not need a chaperone, but thank you for not blowing my cover.
Jamie: Yeah, no problem. It actually cheered me up for about two minutes.
Maggie: Oh. What, more girl trouble?

***** (clip d) [Maggie decides that her and Jamie will go to the Pine Valley Inn afterall (Lena mention)]

Maggie: Loud and intense? In Pine Valley?
Jamie: You know, we could just make it to Times Square.
Maggie: We could?
Jamie: If we go, like, 90 the whole way.
Maggie: Hmm. You and I have a lot more in common than I thought, but you know what? Let's not tempt fate.
Jamie: So what, then? The illegal fire cracker stand on route 23?
Maggie: No. You know what? Maybe we should go check out the party at the Valley Inn.
Jamie: You already turned that down.
Maggie: Well, as Lena and Bianca's, you know, single friend. But you could be my fake date. Ok, at least, you know, just try to have a good time with me even though your heart is somewhere else.
Jamie: I will if you will. Because it's pretty clear that your heart isn't in this room, either.


I have the following clips (incompletes are marked "inc"):
amc031230a.mpg (7.2m; 0:42) Maggie finds out that Bianca has a date with Lena
amc031230b.mpg (14.9m; 1:27) Maggie makes Bianca and Lena think she and Jamie are dating
amc031230c-inc1.mpg (9.6m; 0:56) Maggie finds out that Bianca has a date with Lena

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