INTRODUCTION (01-03)
THE BEST OF TIMES (04-185)
          Catching Up With the Gals (04-13)
          Coffee Talk and Girl Talk (14-43)
          A DAY IN THE LIFE (44-53)
          ONE AGAINST AN ARMY (54-67)
          IDES OF MARCH (68-74)
          WHEN FATES COLLIDE (75-88)
          THE BITTER SUITE (89-95)
          BEEN THERE DONE THAT (96-100)
          THE QUEST (101-113)
          CALLISTO (114-130)
          IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE (131-139)
          THE DEBT II (140-155)
          THE RETURN OF CALLISTO (156-179)
          THE PRICE (180-185)
THE WORST OF TIMES (186-348)
          On to the Fray (186-193)
          MARRIED WITH FISHSTICKS (194-206)
          FRIEND IN NEED II (207-240)
          KING CON (241-248)
          KEY TO THE KINGDOM (249-257)
          LIFEBLOOD (258-266)
          ULYSSES (267-275)
          BACK IN THE BOTTLE (276-288)
          FRIEND IN NEED I (289-299)
          PURITY (300-310)
          LYRE LYRE HEARTS ON FIRE (311-320)
          KING OF ASSASSINS (321-336)
          PUNCHLINES (337-348)
CONCLUSION (349-353)
NEBULA! NEBULA! NEBULA! (354-374)
ARTICLES
BIOGRAPHY

INTRODUCTION

Yup, it's that time of year again...

^[01] Whoosh readers, it is that time of year again. The time when the votes have been solicited, tallied, and despite bad wages and worse coffee, I have ventured forth to talk to the people you most wanted to hear from. Except for this year. ^[02] This year, Whoosh! has done something bold! Something defiant! Something that will not please everyone, but we believed in! No, we did not re-write FRIEND IN NEED, fan fiction has taken care of that quite nicely. Whoosh! has asked its readers to perform the final, the good, the right thing to do and vote for the 12 best and the 12 worst episodes of the entire series. And unlike Xena, the readers survived the experience! ^[03] Now that their contracts are up and Xena and Gabrielle have finished with the daily grind of filming, they have taken Argo II and hit the roads of Ancient NewGreeceland. Before they fully resume their lives, let us see if they are willing to talk about what you, the readers, chose as the best and the worst.

THE BEST OF TIMES

Catching Up With the Gals

Nothing like a little campfire chat to make everyone feel comfy

XENA:
^[04] You can come out of those bushes now.

INTERVIEWER:
^[05] You knew I was there?

XENA:
^[06] I know a lot of things.

INTERVIEWER:
^[07] Heh. "I have many..."

XENA:
^[08] Don't say it! Just don't.

GABRIELLE:
^[09] Xena, be nice. It's good to see you again.

INTERVIEWER:
^[10] Thanks, it's great to see you, too.

XENA:
^[11] I don't have to be nice anymore. Contract's up, remember?

GABRIELLE:
^[12] Xena.

XENA:
^[13] Fine, whatever.

Coffee Talk and Girl Talk

A fully caffeinated Xena ready for action

GABRIELLE:
^[14] She's not angry, she's just having caffeine withdrawal now that there's no craft service available. Come and sit down.

INTERVIEWER:
^[15] Believe me, I can relate. This is a nice campsite. I see you've picked up a few extras since the last time we talked.

GABRIELLE:
^[16] Yep. I had the stainless steel pots added to the last contract. The inflatable pillows were Xena's idea. And the air mattress.

XENA:
^[17] You sure weren't complaining about it last night.

GABRIELLE:
^[18] And I'm not complaining about it now. You don't happen to know where I can buy some coffee grounds, do you?

INTERVIEWER:
^[19] No, sorry. I've got a half a cup of cold coffee in my travel mug, if you want it.

XENA:
^[20] Gimme!

GABRIELLE:
^[21] So, what's new this year?

INTERVIEWER:
^[22] Well, aside from the readers' curiosity about what your plans are now, everyone was invited to vote on the 12 best and the 12 worst episodes of the series. The votes are in and counted, and I was hoping to get your perspective on the results.

XENA:
^[23] Pretty good coffee. Well, we don't have any immediate plans other than a vacation. After that, we'll see, but we've got a couple ideas.

GABRIELLE:
^[24] After 6 years, we want to get away and just relax for a while. We're going to buy a boat and visit some islands, maybe do some fishing. I'd like to stop at Lesbos and visit Sappho.

Yeah, Lesbos would be a great place to visit, Xena

XENA:
^[25] Gabrielle's a demon at the negotiation table, we scored like warlords. We've got plenty of dinars put away and we're going to enjoy ourselves for a while.

INTERVIEWER:
^[26] Sailing? I thought you had a hard time with that.

GABRIELLE:
^[27] Only in the scripts.

XENA:
^[28] And even then, only sometimes.

INTERVIEWER:
^[29] So looking back, was it worth it?

XENA:
^[30] You wouldn't ask that if you could see the bags of dinars with our names on them.

GABRIELLE:
^[31] I hope that people enjoyed the show more often than not. I know that not everyone liked everything that was written, and that's to be expected. Everybody's tastes are different. We didn't like everything, either.

INTERVIEWER:
^[32] Would you be willing to provide some thoughts on the best and the worst lists?

XENA:
^[33] If it's alright with Gabrielle, why not?

GABRIELLE:
^[34] It's fine with me.

INTERVIEWER:
^[35] That's great, thanks. Why don't we start with the best?

APHRODITE:
^[36] Ooh, someone's talking about me!

Just ring a bell, and I'll be there!

XENA:
^[37] Go away, Aphrodite.

APHRODITE:
^[38] Somebody's missing their coffee.

GABRIELLE:
^[39] You can do something about that, can't you?

APHRODITE:
^[40] Sorry, sweetie. Once the interview is over, it's back to business as usual. The gig is over, done like burnt chocolate.

INTERVIEWER:
^[41] Nice to see you again, Aphrodite. You're looking as...diaphanous as always.

APHRODITE:
^[42] My favorite interviewer. This is so cute, we're sharing girl talk!

XENA:
^[43] Watch your mouth. I don't do girl talk.

A DAY IN THE LIFE

Maybe the hot tub did have something to do with it...

INTERVIEWER:
^[44] Moving along, the fans' number one favorite episode was A DAY IN THE LIFE. What do you remember most about it?

XENA:
^[45] Pruning. Oh, and the shocks from that kite. And my whip.

GABRIELLE:
^[46] I finally got Xena.

XENA:
^[47] You always had me, Gabrielle.

APHRODITE:
^[48] See why they're my two fav gals? This is so sweet.

GABRIELLE:
^[49] This was the episode where they tried to show a typical day for us. It wasn't typical of course, but you can't save the world every day. I liked the humor and the ease between us. We always got along pretty well, at least once Xena gave up grunting as a means of conversation. We had a lot of fun making the episode.

XENA:
^[50] Flying the kite together was fun.

GABRIELLE:
^[51] And star gazing...

APHRODITE:
^[52] And the hot tub…

XENA:
^[53] Ooh, yeah.

ONE AGAINST AN ARMY

Argo and Xena share a bond deeper than the ocean

INTERVIEWER:
^[54] There's quite a contrast with the fans' second favorite episode, ONE AGAINST AN ARMY.

XENA:
^[55] I had a blast with that one. It showed my sensitive side. What could be more touching than the moment I shared with my horse?

INTERVIEWER:
^[56] Erk.

XENA:
^[57] Heh, gotcha. Great fight scene, huh? I especially liked the way I tossed all those guys off of me.

INTERVIEWER:
^[58] What about you, Gabrielle? What part did you find the most compelling?

GABRIELLE:
^[59] Well, I think it affirmed the commitment that Xena and I have to each other. I'd hurt my ankle and spent quite a bit of time lying down, so they wrote an episode that included the usual number of fight scenes, but also let us show some intimate aspects of our relationship.

APHRODITE:
^[60] I got all teary-eyed when Xena told you that you were her source.

INTERVIEWER:
^[61] Me, too, actually.

XENA:
^[62] Yeah, well...she is. Can we move on now?

GABRIELLE:
^[63] We need a moment, here.

INTERVIEWER:
^[64] Sure. So, 'Dite, how're things?

APHRODITE:
^[65] Aw, look at that, that's so sweet.

INTERVIEWER:
^[66] I don't think we're supposed to be looking over there.

APHRODITE:
^[67] I'm the Goddess of Love; of course I can look.

IDES OF MARCH

Uh-oh. A broken chakram is never a good sign.

GABRIELLE:
^[68] So, what's the third favorite?

INTERVIEWER:
^[69] That would be IDES OF MARCH

XENA:
^[70] That was tough to film. By the end of the show, I'd lost count of how many times I'd been crucified, but IDES was the worst of them. I'll never forget that scene in the dungeon, though.

INTERVIEWER:
^[71] Why was it the worst? I thought the one in WHEN FATES COLLIDE was much more drawn out.

XENA:
^[72] Gabrielle was being crucified, too. I know what my lines were, about Gabrielle being with me, but I'll never be able to face that happening to Gabrielle. Never.

GABRIELLE:
^[73] It was a really powerful episode, partly because it was so human. Everything that happened leading up to it was a result of human choice, not godly interference, or changing the threads of The Loom. We made the choices and they cost us our lives. We died together, and that's the way I'd want it to happen.

XENA:
^[74] Not for a good many years yet, I hope.

WHEN FATES COLLIDE

Weaving did not leave a good taste in Gabrielle's mouth

INTERVIEWER:
^[75] Speaking of WHEN FATES COLLIDE, that's the fans' fourth favorite episode.

GABRIELLE:
^[76] I really liked that one. Setting the loom on fire and remaking the world was quite something. The scriptwriter did a great job of portraying what an impact Xena has had on my life, just as ONE AGAINST AN ARMY illustrated what I've been able to bring to Xena's life.

XENA:
^[77] The filming conditions during the shooting of the crucifixion scene were really tough. Being married to Caesar gave me the creeps, but the sort of ruler that I was portrayed to be was bittersweet. I like to think that I have the capacity to be a good ruler, but it just wasn't meant to be. I could always recruit an army and have a go at it, I suppose.

INTERVIEWER:
^[78] What about the jail scene? Why didn't you kiss Gabrielle?

XENA:
^[79] Who says I didn't?

INTERVIEWER:
^[80] The tape.

APHRODITE:
^[81] I can fix that.

INTERVIEWER:
^[82] I loved the balcony scene.

APHRODITE:
^[83] 'But soft, what light through yonder window..."

GABRIELLE:
^[84] Wrong writer, Aphrodite.

INTERVIEWER:
^[85] You read Romeo and Juliet?

XENA:
^[86] And everything else she could get her hands on.

INTERVIEWER:
^[87] Dare I ask about fan fiction? There must be gigs of it on the web.

XENA:
^[88] And tons of it on Argo. See those saddlebags? They're new. Guess why.

THE BITTER SUITE

Xena can show her affection in the strangest ways

INTERVIEWER:
^[89] I don't think I'll go there. So what about THE BITTER SUITE? That's number 5.

GABRIELLE:
^[90] That was a really hard episode for me. I understand what they were trying to do at the beginning, but I could barely watch that part. The whole storyline about killing children was just so hard. But the costumes were lovely and Xena sings so beautifully. I kept wanting to hug her when she was singing to me at the end of the episode, before we left Illusia.

XENA:
^[91] I had to put myself into places I didn't want to revisit so we could shoot that Amazon village scene. That was the point and the episode was a fictional story, but I didn't go in to see the footage at all. It was tough at first, singing in public like that, but the songs were great.

INTERVIEWER:
^[92] There was some discussion about the rift between you being rushed to a conclusion in a single episode.

GABRIELLE:
^[93] I didn't see it as resolving anything, but rather as providing a starting point for us to talk about the issues between us openly and that would begin the resolution.

APHRODITE:
^[94] And they copped out. No make-up sex.

GABRIELLE:
^[95] It was a pretty daring thing to try. Some parts succeeded, others didn't. I was just glad I didn't have to sing.

BEEN THERE DONE THAT

Hilarity ensues in many episodes

INTERVIEWER:
^[96] BEEN THERE, DONE THAT is the fans' sixth favorite episode. You both looked like you were having fun with that.

XENA:
^[97] We did. They even worked in Gabrielle's hickey.

GABRIELLE:
^[98] Xena got a bit obsessive about that chakram shot, though. She drove everybody crazy, wandering around the set looking thoughtful. I think they were worried that she'd actually try it rather than letting the special effects people do their jobs.

XENA:
^[99] I had straw in my leathers for days. And I could have made that shot.

GABRIELLE:
^[100] I know, Xena, I know.

THE QUEST

Xena and Gabrielle taking a brief restful moment

INTERVIEWER:
^[101] THE QUEST is seventh on the list.

XENA:
^[102] That was an awesome episode for Gabrielle. She did a great job, and the script portrayed her just as I see her: strong, compassionate, a true leader.

APHRODITE:
^[103] Nice fashion statement, too. Loved the leather.

GABRIELLE:
^[104] That was a tough one, too, but it helped to have Xena there. I loved the scene where I spoke to Xena about two kinds of tears.

XENA:
^[105] My favorite scene was Gabrielle confronting Velasca. That's how a queen handles things.

INTERVIEWER:
^[106] There's a pretty big segment of fans who loved the scene when you and Gabrielle spoke after she'd taken off with your sarcophagus.

GABRIELLE:
^[107] I liked it, too. We didn't have many scenes together in that one, and every one of them added a layer of depth to the way they portrayed our relationship. It was a great episode for Ephiny, too.

APHRODITE:
^[108] Kissing Xena, what's not to like?

INTERVIEWER:
^[109] Xena's spirit was really inside you?

GABRIELLE:
^[110] Well, not really. She was out of camera range, punching the air and having a fine time while I dangled on that vine.

XENA:
^[111] Oh, c'mon, Gabrielle, you were lovin' every moment of that.

INTERVIEWER:
^[112] I loved the ending scene.

XENA:
^[113] A sucker for campfire chats, huh?

CALLISTO

Callisto and Theodorus made such a cute couple. I wonder what went wrong?

INTERVIEWER:
^[114] Well, yeah, actually. I think they've been some of the defining moments of the series. And the most memorable chat of all took place in CALLISTO, the eighth favorite episode.

XENA:
^[115] Yeah, that was the moment that the viewers, through Gabrielle, were clued in to just how much Gabrielle meant to me.

GABRIELLE:
^[116] And Callisto was a wonderful villain. She did terrible things and yet there was always a kernal of sympathy for her. She was responsible for her own choices, but she was so singleminded in her search for vengeance against Xena, it was very compelling viewing.

XENA:
^[117] And maybe if I'd gone after Caesar with the same intensity that Callisto went after me, instead of heading to Ch'in, the world would be a very different place.

INTERVIEWER:
^[118] The ladder fight was terrific.

XENA:
^[119] We had fun with that one. It was tricky, but worth it.

INTERVIEWER:
^[120] Callisto really got under your skin.

XENA:
^[121] Everything she said about me was right. In a way, no one knew me as well as she did, and the scripts did a pretty good job of bringing that out.

GABRIELLE:
^[122] There's a big difference between you and Callisto, Xena. I told you that at the time and I'm still right.

APHRODITE:
^[123] And still no make-up sex. Like, what's wrong with this picture?

GABRIELLE:
^[124] Aphrodite, Xena and I hadn't had an argument that needed making up.

APHRODITE:
^[125] So have sex anyway.

XENA:
^[126] Is that all you think about? Don't you have some mattresses to check out somewhere else?

APHRODITE:
^[127] Yours looks pretty good.

XENA:
^[128] Not that you'll ever get the chance to find out. That mattress belongs to Gabrielle and me and you'd better not be offering her chocolate baths and massages. I don't share well with others.

GABRIELLE:
^[129] Xena, behave yourself. We have guests.

XENA:
^[130] Yeah, yeah.

IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE

Gabrielle discussing her first death with Xena. They say you never forget your first one.

INTERVIEWER:
^[131] The episode that ended the first season, IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE, is ninth on the fan favorite list. What do you remember about that one?

XENA:
^[132] Another pup following Gabrielle around.

GABRIELLE:
^[133] I think most of the fans would say the scene where I died and you brought me back.

APHRODITE:
^[134] Not cutting off that poor guy's leg, that's for sure. Eew, blood spatters all over the place.

INTERVIEWER:
^[135] You were there?

APHRODITE:
^[136] Not in the gorgeous flesh, but you can bet your last nightie that I know when major love vibes are flying around. You rocked, Xena. No, don't snarl it'll give you wrinkles.

GABRIELLE:
^[137] Wasn't she great? It was the first time that the viewers saw her as really vulnerable, a woman who had done and suffered terrible things without breaking. And here she was, desperate to save her friend, as any of us would be, even when there seemed to be no hope at all.

INTERVIEWER:
^[138] And you stopped the war.

XENA:
^[139] Not by myself. If Gabrielle hadn't shown Marmax another point of view, I'd never have gotten through to him. That line about my pride was true, too, I'm sorry to say. I've learned from that, even though that creative license that Gabrielle talks about doesn't always have scripts that show it.

THE DEBT II

Maybe Gabrielle did get a tad too chummy with Ming Tien...

INTERVIEWER:
^[140] Next up, at tenth favorite, is THE DEBT, PART II. Lao Ma was really memorable and left a long-lasting impression on many fans.

GABRIELLE:
^[141] I think it was the best of the episodes that dealt with Xena's past. I didn't have a lot to do, but the dungeon scene and the throne room scene were standouts for me.

INTERVIEWER:
^[142] The throne room, that's where you slapped Xena. Lots of fans didn't like that at all.

GABRIELLE:
^[143] I didn't like it either, but it was a good, quick way to show how desperate I was to get a resolution that saved Xena's life without her killing Ming Tien. The scripts in the third season had me doing things I didn't agree with, things I wouldn't really do, but the show was their adaptation, and I did my best with what was written.

INTERVIEWER:
^[144] But you just stood there while they were getting set to execute her.

GABRIELLE:
^[145] I knew that wasn't going to happen. Xena's pretty hard to kill.

XENA:
^[146] It was like they'd forgotten about Gabrielle and then couldn't think of anything for her to do. Believe me, she wouldn't just stand there, she'd kick their b*tts all the way to Britannia.

INTERVIEWER:
^[147] Would you say you'd achieved your peace when you were able to tap into yourself.

XENA:
^[148] Yeah, I'd agree with that.

INTERVIEWER:
^[149] How did you feel when you first heard the story of Xena and Lao Ma, Gabrielle?

GABRIELLE:
^[150] I wish I'd had the chance to meet her. I felt very sorry that Xena wasn't able to overcome the person she was at that time so she could have avoided so much pain.

XENA:
^[151] It took me a while, that's for sure. I'm still not there yet, but I'm working on it.

APHRODITE:
^[152] Airborne sex is just so cool.

XENA:
^[153] I told you, Aphrodite, stay out of Gabrielle's scrolls.

APHRODITE:
^[154] Like you're reading them!

XENA:
^[155] I've read all of Gabrielle's scrolls. The episodes are fiction, remember? Fic-tion. Made up.

THE RETURN OF CALLISTO

You can't keep a good psycho down

INTERVIEWER:
^[156] My time is kinda limited so if nobody minds, could we briefly discuss THE RETURN OF CALLISTO, number eleven on the favorites list?

APHRODITE:
^[157] Finally, some sex.

GABRIELLE:
^[158] Xena, put the chakram down. I loved this episode, I'm glad it made the list.

INTERVIEWER:
^[159] Everybody's favorite villain returns and does Xena a big favor.

XENA:
^[160] Is that how the fans saw it?

INTERVIEWER:
^[161] Quite a few of them, yeah.

XENA:
^[162] Well, I wouldn't call it a favor, exactly. Whatshisname being killed hurt Gabrielle and that isn't something I'd want, but short term pain for long term gain, I guess.

GABRIELLE:
^[163] I'm sure Perdicus appreciates those kind thoughts.

APHRODITE:
^[164] I gotta say, the vibes between you and whatsit just weren't twangin'. Mr. Polyester just wasn't right for you.

The gift of Aphrodite nevers stops giving

XENA:
^[165] I wanted you to be happy, Gabrielle. I still do.

INTERVIEWER:
^[166] The scene where you prayed for help in the clearing was really powerful. You'd never asked for help before.

XENA:
^[167] Anything for Gabrielle. I should have realized that she wouldn't have chosen to kill Callisto, but I kept thinking about what happened to me when I lost Lyceus.

GABRIELLE:
^[168] I think we did a good job with the dialogue between the two of us after the wedding.

APHRODITE:
^[169] The kiss rocked. Now *those* were twangin' vibes.

INTERVIEWER:
^[170] They were? I didn't think Xena ever intended to visit Gabrielle, she was saying goodbye. Those kinds of vibes twang?

APHRODITE:
^[171] And why was she not going to visit?

XENA:
^[172] I'm right here, you know. I can take part in this conversation.

INTERVIEWER:
^[173] She was jealous and hurt?

APHRODITE:
^[174] If I ever need a sidekick, I'll drop you a line.

INTERVIEWER:
^[175] What about the ending? Did Xena let Callisto die for Gabrielle's sake, or to make sure that there'd never be another opportunity for Callisto to hurt either one of them?

XENA:
^[176] Gabrielle, wanna go for a swim?

APHRODITE:
^[177] Ooo, skinnydipping!

INTERVIEWER:
^[178] Hey, snap the clothes back on, right now! There's bugs out here and they bite!

APHRODITE:
^[179] Party pooper.

THE PRICE

The Price is always right with Xena

INTERVIEWER:
^[180] Number 12 on the list is my personal favorite, THE PRICE.

APHRODITE:
^[181] It was gross.

XENA:
^[182] It was an intense experience, doing that one.

GABRIELLE:
^[183] I think it was the first time that the viewers had seen Xena afraid when she was in a situation that she's usually comfortable with. Filming the river scenes took quite a while. And it's got my favorite whip move in it, when Xena snags the axe out of the air. We saw so many sides of Xena in that one.

XENA:
^[184] I liked being able to show the kind of commander I was during the scenes with the Athenian army. It's a wonder anybody followed the out-of-control kid I was in the flashback episodes. It's another one of my favorite episodes for Gabrielle, too. It's easy to confront enemies when you've got a weapon in your hands and you know how to use it. It's a whole different story when you've got nothing but your convictions and your compassion. That's what caught my attention that day outside Poteidaia.

APHRODITE:
^[185] Aw, it's a Kodak moment. That's so sweet, almost as good as sex.

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