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NEWSFLASH!
#03
Dispatches from Alex Poindexter

Uber News from Across the World
July 13, 2001


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Friday July 13 2001 19:39:28

By Alex Poindexter - Uber Media Writer

SEVERED HAND FOUND, TV PRODUCER SUSPECTED

AUCKLAND, NZ (UM) - A human hand that appeared to have been bitten off by a TV Producer was found on a deserted street west of Auckland, sheriff's deputies said on Monday.

The raggedly severed right hand was found on Sunday and was that of an adult female who apparently did not survive, said the sheriff office's spokeswoman.

"We're sure if they survived and they're missing a right hand, they would have come forward by now," she said. "Detectives have no idea what happened with this body part, whether it was some sort of accident and the person was eaten by a TV Producer and this is what's left. Of course, TV Producers are not native to New Zealand. We think it's an escaped employee from the now defunct American company, PacRen."

Investigators took fingerprints from the hand.

TV Producers biting the hands of the fans that feed them have become more common in New Zealand as its burgeoning entertainment community pushes development farther into the realm of fantasy action/adventure production.

Xenite communities in Auckland and other New Zealand cities are advised to stay away from Internet cafes and turn off their home computers lest they provoke another TV Producer attack on the fandom.

You can write Uber journalist Alex Poindexter at alexpoindexter@whoosh.org.




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