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Dispatches from Alex Poindexter

Uber News from Across the World
July 31, 2002

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Wednesday July 31 2002 21:27PDT

By Alex Poindexter - Uber Media Writer


THE VIRGIN ISLANDS (Uber Media) - Ten exhausted ex-Xena celebrities, known as EXenas, beached themselves on the British Virgin Island, Tortola. Creation Entertainment staffers assured would-be rescuers that the sea-going stars were not stranded --just taking a breather from the obsessive attention of pursuing fans.

The frightened celebs grounded themselves on an warm beachfront behind a row of tacky gift shops and corn dog vendors. Several dozen spectators crowded around, fearing the EXenas were lost or ailing or drunk.

"Not so," said an employee with Creation Entertainment. "The EXenas are paid professionals and their behavior is typical of exhausted actors pursued by a "hardcore nutball herd" of two to three hundred fans during the Annual Creation Cruise Celebrating the Xena Stars."

"These poor kids, the only way they can escape the attention of the hardcore nutballs, who are very persistent, is to ground themselves or go up on the beach," Creation said. "Their personal assistants believe that after a point, enough's enough. They're tired."

"The EXenas will likely swim away when they have recovered," the Creation staffer said. But a plainclothes security detail stood guard to keep would-be rescuers away.

"You don't need people wading up trying to push you back to save you ... they need a rest," the staffer said.

EXenas are endangered, slow-moving sea-faring celebrities who live in warm coastal cities. Protected by law, they are a cause celebre among conventioneers and are thought to number around a dozen in Hollywood. These gentle thespians can sign hundreds of autographs in a single evening, answer the same inane questions for the umpteenth time, and still look like they're having fun.

You can write Uber journalist Alex Poindexter at alexpoindexter@whoosh.org.

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