Whoosh! Issue 21 - June 1998

It's not over until the....ARMADILLO SINGS?!?

The Gabberish Lexicon
-- Arts & Entertainment

MacGab Bardish Cultcha
Gabnificent Artists and Illustrators
The Scroll of Writers, Poets, and Playwrights
The Performing Bards
Gabby Dancing
Gabby's Hit Parade

MacGab Bardish Cultcha

An inn or tavern where bards gather to display their talents, and where patrons pay a nominal fee to sample those talents. Example: "No, Gabrielle, we're not going to visit the bardello tonight; I have a headache."

BARDmonica, GABpipes, and GABolin:
Musical instruments occasionally played off-key in between telling tales of great warriors.

Clan MacGab Kazoo Tattoo:
The Official Marching Band of Clan MacGab, and affectionately known as "Hummers to the Queen".

GABbing Plaster:
The official art material of Gabdom. (No further explanation is offered.)

GABbish Celebrities:
The Bard's descendants on the silver screen include Greta GABbo, GABbie Reynolds, Gidget BARDot, BARDbra Streisand, Clark GABle, GABarine HepBARD and GABby Hayes. The famous operatic diva Kathleen GABattle is also presumed to be a Gabbish descendent, as well as the incomparable Spanish artist GABlo Picasso.

Gabbish "art house" cinema.

Pan flute fingering chart.

GABongo drums:
Amazon percussion instruments used to accompany Gabbydancing [See: Hooves & Harlots]

Style of musical accompaniment for certain forms of Gabbydancing [See: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun]

World Wide Convention of bards held each year in a different city. Bardish fans dress up as their favorite bard.

A form of bardic performance which involves alternating story episodes with musical can-can interludes (in which high kicks play a prominent part). Example: "Xena, how do you think the story of Prometheus would come across in a gabriolet format?"

A bard who has no talent whatsoever on the pan flute and must switch to another instrument.

Gabnificent Artists and Illustrators

Rosa BARDheur:
French naturalist painter and only woman to receive the coveted cross of the French Legion of Honor.

Auguste ROCnoir:
French Impressionist painter.

Max BARDmann:
German Expressionist painter.

Edward DeGAB:
French Impressionist famous for his pastels and paintings of GABallet dancers.

LeoBARDo GAB Vinci:
Italian inventor, painter and musician.

Norman ROCwell:
American illustrator.

Aubrey BARDsley:
British Nouveau painter and illustrator.

GABlo Picasso:
Spanish painter and sculptor.

Georges GABraque:
French painter, recognized as a founder of Cubism.

Pierre GABonnard:
French impressionist painter.

UmBARDo GABoccioni:
Italian futurist painter and sculptor.

The Scroll of Writers, Poets, and Playwrights

Rita Mae BARD:
Author, ROCkyfruit Jungle.

Clive BARDker:
Author, The Hellbound Heart.

Samuel BARDkett:
Author, Waiting for GABot.

Marion Zimmer BARDley:
Author, The Mists of BARDalon.

John BARDth:
Author, On With The Story.

Donald BARDthelme:
Author, Come Back, Dr. Caligari.

Steve BARDthelme (brother of Donald):
Author, And He Tells The Little Horse The Whole Story.

Thomas BARDy:
Author, Far from the Gabbing Crowd.

Richard BROCtigan:
Author, Trout Fishing in America.

Giovanni GABoccaccio:
1313-75. Italian author of The Decameron.

GABronte sisters:
Famous family of English novelists, which included Anne, Emily Jane and Charlotte.

Albert GABmus:
Author, The Plague.

Willa GABther:
Author, Death Comes for the Archbishop.

Lord GAByron:
British Poet.

ROCyard Kipling:
Author famous for such tales as The Jungle Book and Captain's Courageous.

Ursula K. Le GAB:
Author, The Left Hand of Bardness.

Gabrielle Garcia Marquez:
Author, One Hundred Years of Solitude.

Carl SandBARD:
American poet laureate.

William ShakesBARD (Aka the Bard of Avon):
A playwright by any other name.

Tom StopBARD:
Author, ROCencrantz & GABenstern Are Dead.

The Performing Bards
(Theatuh classics attributed to the Bard)

A Midsummer Night's Gabrielle:
With Gabby Hayes in the role of Obardon and Gabbie Reynolds as Titania. Everyone's favorite fantasy.

All's Well That Ends With Gabrielle:
Shakespearean fluff, but funny in spots.

Antony and Gabrielle:
The most famous production of this play was staged by the RSC director John Bardon, in which Patrick Stewart won the Olivier for his portrayal of Enobardbus. Highlight: Xena kills the asp with her Chakram.

Bard on the Roof:
The prize-winning Bardway musical based on Sholem Aleichem's story of a bard and her five dowryless daughters. Features the song, "If I Were a Rich Bard".

Andrew Lloyd Webber's musical adaption of Reneé O'Connor's life story. Some liberties were taken with the score, as the rousing song "Poteidaia" is sung to the tune of "Oklahoma" and several scenes supposedly of ancient Greece have a remarkable resemblance either to AstroWorld or suburban Auckland, New Zealand.

One of the most brilliant musicals ever made, with bravura performances by Reneé O'Connor as both Sally and the m.c.; her role as the latter was later reprised in Victor/Victoria.

In this Joseph Papp production, Gabrielle takes center stage for a 5 act monologue before Xena rescues her from her stepfather.

Perennial Bardway favorite with female lead, Sandy, played by Gabby Newton John.

Hedda GABler:
Henrik Ibsen's enduring drama about a bardic femme fatale who is irresistible to the males in her town, all of whom meet with disaster.

The Lady Callisto and the three Fates meet Clan MacGab.

Much Ado About Gabrielle:
'Nuff said, even if it is rated R.

Romeo and Gabrielle:
A cheerier retelling of the Shakespearean classic; in the Clan MacGab production, Xena saves Gabrielle before she can take the poison.

Waiting for GABot
This time it's Xena waiting by the lake when Gabrielle decides to visit Grandma's house in the Elysian fields.


A type of BarDisco dancing as seen in Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, and usually acompanied by GabbyRapping.

The Nutbreadcracker, Daphnis and Gabby, The Firebard.

The dance form first exhibited by the Poteidaian Bard cum Amazon Princess in the X:WP episode Hooves and Harlots.

Other well-known Bard dances:
Poteidaian Proms, Potohickey Hoe-Downs, Bard Balls, TAP dances, GABallet, and the ever popular Gabrielle de Minuet.

A lively song played with bagpipes; has a great danging beat. (Skip hop hop).

Gabby's Hit Parade
(Bardish popular music cultcha)

Song title: Recorded by:
Puff the Magic Henbane
A Little Bitty Bard (Let Me Down)
Burl Ives
All Day, All Night, Gabrielle Harry Belafonte
The Chakram Game Joni Mitchell
500 Miles (Across Greece)
Leaving on an Argo
Xena, Gab & Argo
We Have No Gabananas Today Jimmy Durante
A music sensation consisting of four little warlords: Ringo BARDd, Paul MacBARDney, the late John GABbon, and George HaROCson, they have done such hits as: Gabby Lane, Let Her Bard and Amphipolan Wood.

(Classical Gabberish musical compositions recently discovered)

Die Meisterthingies von Poteidaia:
A previously unknown opera by Richard Wagner recently discovered in a bathroom of the castle Neuschwanstein during renovations.

Other "Lost" Operatic Works:
By GilBARD & Sullivan: The Pirates of Poteidaia.
By MoBARD: The Magic Pan Flute (Die Zauberpanfloete), The Marriage of Gabrielle (Le Nozzi di Gabriella), Cosi Pan Flutie.
By OffenBARD: La Belle Gabrielle, The Tales of Gabrielle .
By ROCsini: The Bard of Seville (Il Bardiere di Siviglia).
By Strauss, J.: The Gypsy Bard (Der Zigeunerbard).
By Weinbarder: Gabby the Bagpiper.
And the divas who belt them: Cecilia Bardoli, Kathleen Gabattle.

ROCkin' Composers:
Ludwig v. BARDthoven, ROCmaninoff, Johann Sebastian ROC, FredeROC Chopin, Claudio MonteBARDi, Bela BARDtok, Gabrielle Fauré, MauROCe. Ravel (famous for "Bardolero")

Luciano PavoROCti, Kathleen Gabattle, EnROCco Caruso, Monserrat Gaballe, Renata ROCtto.

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