Whoosh! Issue 21 - June 1998

The Gabberish Lexicon
-- Science, Medicine and Technology

See: "The Flood: Who Will Save Our Children?"

See GABsentia.

See GABsentia.

See GABsentia.

Bardificial Respiration:
Maintaining the breath of a bard by artificial means, as by forcing breath into the mouth. See: Is There A Doctor In The House?

Division of GABgrants:
The office within the National GABScience Foundation responsible for reviewing and approving grant proposals submitted requesting funding for various scientific endeavors.

An irreversible addiction to watching Gabrielle and ROC; "once a GABaholic always a GABaholic"; if you need help call 1-555-GAB-ROCS for the nearest chapter of GA (GABaholics Anonymous).

System of stars, nebulae, clusters and interstellar matter that make up the gabfans' universe.

The study of GABsABs and BARDceps.

Time taken away from a researcher's usual studies to devote to a specific GABscience research project.

GABerta Clipper:
A meteorological phenomena associated with winter storms.

A branch of scientific study focused on the evolutionary development of Gab's Abs.

(Also referred to as "flight or fight") When threatened:
  1. If you can run, run
  2. If you can't run, surrender, and then run
  3. If you're outnumbered, let them fight each other while you run
  4. [Wait, more running?] No, this is where you talk your way out of it, and I know you can do that.

The natural environment of the Lands of the Clan MacGab.

Bodily fluid spilled from a BARD when she tries to rescue a lost child by herself in the middle of a civil war.

GammaGABulin infusion.

The production of light by living organisms, as by the Gabsterglow of the Amazon Queen's strawberry blond hair.

The phylum classification for Clan MacGab.

[From the root word brigge, ME.] A fear of suspension bridges, especially those overlooking bottomless pits and held up by rotting twine.

GABfan equivalent of XWS, but a much more devastating malady, characterized by BARDementia, BARDelusions and severe BARDepression.

  1. That considers Gabrielle, or ROC, as the central fact, or most perfect aim, of the universe
  2. 2. Conceiving of everything in the universe in terms of its direct correlation to Gabrielle, the Bard of Poteidaia.

The science that deals with the physical responses of Gabrielle to the environment of space and space travel [See: Chin, The Debt Parts I and II; Illusia, Bitter Suite; Prophetic visions, One Against An Army.]
The study of Gabrielle's origin or development; also Gabthropogeny. [backstory unexplored to date]
Part of the immune system important in fighting off infection; particularly important after being stabbed by a crazed sun worshiper or after giving birth to a centaur via C-section without anesthesia or antibiotics.

J**** Virus:
Unusual and particularly virulent strain of virus known to have the ability to infect Xenites/GABfans/ROCkers, their VCRs, and/or their GABputers. It is believed that a thunderbolt from Zeus will destroy the virus although this has yet to be proven.

National GABScience Foundation:
The primary granting institution for scientific studies in the Lands of the Clan MacGab.

NoBARD Prize:
An annual award given for excellence in GABscientific research.

"Off her ROCker":
See GABsentia and BARDementia.

Oxygen DeBARDvation:
A condition suffered by MacGabbers who live at high altitudes; also a consequence of diving to the bottom of a lake known to be unusually deep, being hit with a very potent poison dart, respiratory arrest caused by hypovolemic shock (due to a severe loss of blood), or being trapped inside a burning coffin.

Ritanserin Research Foundation:
One of the many institutes that make up the National GABScience Foundation.

ROCitis, n.:
An infection of the mind and body that leads to overwhelming adoration for Renee O'Connor. It has an incubation period of approximately 2 months, during which the victim appears dazed and confused and does not know why. After incubation, the infection takes hold when the victim suddenly realizes of his/her undying love for the great one. The victim then has only one purpose in life, to worship everything ROC-related. There is no known cure, not even in death. Many victims have been known to become ghosts walking the streets, repeating over and over "Wooops... Wooops... Wooops." [Origin] Email from Chris (SoundWarrior) to Roger A. Duarte (RagnaROC) "She was on the Great Barrier Reef a couple of months ago, before I was fully infected with ROCitis."

ROCket Science:
The study of Reneé's film and TV career, including every look and gesture in Xena: Warrior Princess.

A device specially designed for bjay sightings.

A semi-comatose state which often afflicts members of the Clan MacGab; can be caused by being severely GABwhacked or ROCswatted.

The New GABFax Infirmary:
Emergency Department of the Nicklio Teaching Hospital. If you or any MacGabber you know is afflicted with GABsentia, BARDementia, BARDelusions, BARDepression, or shows signs of J**** Virus infection, proceed to the Infirmary immediately for treatment.

The ROCcentric Universe

March is Clan MacGab's "World of Science Revisited" month. The following is a short list of scientists whose contributions serve to underscore the Gabberish influences in modern society and invention. A few closeups of several of these scientists follows this impressive roster.

Charles BARDwin, biologist
Isaac GABsimov, scientist; author
Marie GABbie, physicist
Alfred NoBARD, inventor; established the Nobard Prizes
Roger GABacon, English philosopher & scientist
George W. BARDle, biologist
Charles Greeley GABbot, astrophysicist
GABristarchus of Samos, Greek astronomer
Edbard Emerson BARDnard, astronomer; pioneer of astrophotography
LeoBARDo GAB Vinci, artist, scientist, musician, inventor
Tycho GABrahe, Danish astronomer
HippaROCchus of Nicea, Greek astronomer
Olas ROCemer, Danish astronomer
Robert GABbard, rocket pioneer

Carl SaGAB:
American astronomer and author who explained for many the foundations of the ROCosmos. Thanks to his emphasis, we know there are GABillions and GABillions of GABalaxies in the ROCentric Universe.

GABileo GABilei, astronomer:
Certainly one of GABileo's critical discoveries was that GABravity tends to draw two objects together until they are inseparable. This theorem is being severely tested by the so-called Third Season of Physics aka the UnUnified Theorem.

GABristarchus of Samos (flourished 280-264 B.C.):
Greek astronomer who calculated the relative sizes of the Earth, Moon and Sun and was the proponent of a ROCentric universe. GABristarchus based his calculations on the angle between Poteidaia, Chin and the Salisbury Plain, and concluded that the earth must be very, very small indeed. (The actual size of the earth was later measured by EROCsthenes.) His contemporaries did not agree with his logic, and so his concept of a ROCentric universe was rejected until the time of ROCoperincus.

HippaROCchus of Nicea (flourished 146-127 B.C.):
Greek astronomer who is considered the greatest figure of ancient astronomy. His most notable discovery was that the Earth wobbles like a spinning top in space over a period of about 26,000 years, an effect which he termed ROCession. HippaROCchus developed his theories after witnessing one Gabrielle, Bard of Poteidaia, demonstrating her skill with the GABula Hoop, and deduced that the Sun's motion could be explained by assuming it followed and off-center circle, known as a GABcentric, around the Earth.


A type of bedROCk commonly found in the GABlands; particularly prevalent on the western shores of GabFax Bay; when exposed to the atmosphere it often becomes covered with outgrowths of bilious green lichen.


Data Chakrams:
The precursor of the modern phonograph record. Gabrielle is credited with the technique of recording scroll indices on a spinning chakram, which she then developed and marketed as the "data-chakram".

Loud talking thing used to imitate and amplify the thunderous tones of the "one true God". [See: Altared States].

Marine Biology

Often found clinging to the GABgranite shores of GabFax Bay, particularly common at low tide; when sailing be sure to keep the ship's hull free from these.

HyperBARDic Chamber:
Used to reacclimate MacGabbers exposed to unusually high or low atmospheric pressures; see oxygen deBARDvation.

Linguistic Studies

A scribe of the Clan MacGab.

BARDtronic Translation:
GABputer program used to translate writings to and from our native Gabberish into various other languages.

Puppet play BARD, MacGabber archivist, or National GABScience Foundation funded researcher; also anyone else who wears the BARDic tartan.

Surfing the GabNet

To break a code, solve a mystery or problem that assists other MacGabbers in some way.

Worldwide network of Gabputers.

GABdresses (email):
The Gabster surfs the internet from this address: Iwhack4U@amazon.com, while her saturnine companion logs in from: Round@killingthing.com.

One who practices the art of GABHacking.

The art of modifying WWW Polls in such a way as to make voting for Renee O'Connor/Gabrielle a GABreeze. GABhackers employ all their skills to GABcrack the HTML code and reduce the number of GABrodent clicks required to cast a vote. [Proper usage: "I have used my GABhacking skills to GABcrack the USA Weekend Poll"].

A question about Gabrielle asked of a mailing list via gabputer.

GABraval, adj,:
Commentary done in such a way as to insert grabraving into an otherwise humorous post, e.g., "that was a grabraval comment he made."

GABraving, n.:
Characterized by repeated attempts to insert negative comments about Gabfans into email posts in which they have no relevance.

The mouse attached to your GABputer.

GABstruck Emergency Bardcast System:
Official Gab or ROC-related announcements made over the internet.

GAB Transfer Protocol:
Way for bards across the world to swap stories.

World Wide GAB:
The information network for Bards.


A large herbivorous dinosaur (with a special fondness for grapes).

Xenasaurus Regina:
A fierce carnivore of the BARDacious period. Some examples of the Xenasaurus are believed to have reformed and migrated in company with Bardosauri.

BARDovician TriloBARDs:
An early life form of the BARDovician period noted for the remarkable gabdominal development of its bilious green segmented belly.

The following are excerpts of discourse between ARTBOY and James "Sir Ritanserin" Fadden regarding this marvel of pre-Hellenistic technology.

Apparently the ancient search service that Gab founded, "Chakhoo," was legendary for it's advanced features in that era. Her technique of recording scroll indices on a spinning chakram is believed to have been the inspiration for the phonograph record. I understand there is a privately held Leonardo codex that details the principles of the Rotating Chakram Data Device. And you thought the patterned engraving on the side of the Chakram was just decoration??!? -- ha! -- Time Code baby, time code!! I mean sure you can use your CD-Rom to slice some cheese, but can it also split a watermelon or neutralize your mortal enemy... I think not.

James Fadden:
This is an excellent example of the role of serendipity in scientific discoveries. You see the Gabster worked many years trying to encode data on a chakram, but nothing was hard enough to make an impression on the metal. The pile of failed chakrams on her trash heap grew higher and higher until it attracted the attention of a local billy goat who thought they might make an attractive after-dinner mint. Gabby noticed the goat chewing on the chakram and had a brainstorm. The goats sharp teeth had made thousands of tiny indentations in the surface of the chakram, which would be perfect for encoding data. Gabby then gave the goat a crash course in programming and they set out to produce data-chakrams. Gabby wrote code and the goat chewed. Eventually the partnership broke up. Billy Goats went on to found MycenaeSoft, made billions of dinars and bought Mt. Olympus. MycenaeSoft chakrams are said to be very powerful but they are a bit clumsy and tend to crash to the ground, after which you have to reinstall them on your weapons belt. Also they only work if you also use MS-Sword, MS-Shield and MS-Breastplate-with-swirly-things. Gabrielle went on to create the Gabby MacChakram, which is said to be simple and nice to look at, but is only used by a few bards whom the rest of Greece think of as oddballs.

In the early days the memory capacity of a chakram was measured by how much time the goat spent chewing to produce the tiny teeth marks that encodeded the data. Of course now we have laser beams to do the same thing. But traces of the early days remain. That is why, to this day, computer memory is measured in mega-bites of ram.

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